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The one-paragraph-a-post story thread!
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DarkAegix
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#1 - 2012-02-11 00:05:59 UTC
General Discussion has far too many bad threads right now, so let's fix that with a game!

Fun Rules:
1. Type one, two, three or more sentences to continue the story
2. Don't end the story
3. Don't suddenly kill off characters, locations or plot points
4. The story must be EVE related
5. Anyone can post as often as they like, but no double-posting
6. If two people post at nearly the same time, it's up to the later poster to quickly edit their paragraph. If not, the next poster must try to incorporate both.
7. Make exciting things happen
8. Have fun!

I'll begin.

Admiral Excel stood at the observation deck of his Drake, the Starship Spreadsheet, admiring the distant starry nebulae. Sometimes, he thought, it was good to step out of his capsule for a while to admire the view in person.
Opening a can of Quafe, he took a delicious gulp, whilst simultaneously scratching his exposed rear end. One of the benefits of being a capsuleer was that you didn't need to wear pants on board your spaceship.
He heard a knock on the door to his room.
Nova Fox
Novafox Shipyards
#2 - 2012-02-11 00:13:23 UTC
In walks in the admiral's aide Cpt Swanson with a report in hand she was about speak on her intrusion when she looked up.
"Ow Gawd get some pants on sir!" Sawnson threw an arm over her eyes before continuing. "Sir a Minmatar Agent contacted me over the crypto and said for your eyes only." With that Captain swanson put the holo pda on the the table and walked out.

Dust 514's CPM 1 Iron Wolf Saber Eve mail me about Dust 514 issues.
rodyas
Tie Fighters Inc
#3 - 2012-02-11 00:15:33 UTC
Spider man swings in and picks up Cpt Swanson and swings out carry him. Spider-man ends up carrying Cpt swanson to hogwarts where he meets Harry Potter.

Signature removed for inappropriate language - CCP Eterne
T'amber Anomandari Demaleon
#4 - 2012-02-11 00:16:05 UTC  |  Edited by: T'amber Anomandari Demaleon
The decision to pick underpants was not as simple as you'd have thought; after years of travelling the universe collecting bone combs and underpants he'd quite the collection. He turned off the virtual reality simulation based off an ancient mythical god who wore tight red pants and had a rare disease that allowed him to secrete semen from his wrists, and quickly made a decision (otherwise he'd be there all day) picking his favourite clownskin underpants and a sturdy pair of matching leather boots. While pulling his manleather boots on he picked the holo PDA off the table to see what the fuss was about.

www.shipsofeve.com
Hroya
#5 - 2012-02-11 00:19:23 UTC  |  Edited by: Hroya
rto late, to slow, removed haha. carry on

You go your corridor but.
DarkAegix
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#6 - 2012-02-11 00:51:19 UTC
T'amber Anomandari Demaleon wrote:
The decision to pick underpants was not as simple as you'd have thought; after years of travelling the universe collecting bone combs and underpants he'd quite the collection. He turned off the virtual reality simulation based off an ancient mythical god who wore tight red pants and had a rare disease that allowed him to secrete semen from his wrists, and quickly made a decision (otherwise he'd be there all day) picking his favourite clownskin underpants and a sturdy pair of matching leather boots. While pulling his manleather boots on he picked the holo PDA off the table to see what the fuss was about.

'Naked Aura Holo-Skin with Physicalised Jiggle Bewbz'
Admiral Excel raised an eyebrow at the holo PDA he was given. What in all of New Eden was this Minmatar agent up to? Excel clicked the download button, and expectantly stared at the holo PDA's progress bar. The damned dial-up on his Drake was pathetically slow. As the download finished, all of the lights in the room flashed to a dim red. An alarm klaxon went off, and a crew member yelled over the PA system. 'Oh sweet veldspar! A virus has infected Aura's main systems!'
T'amber Anomandari Demaleon
#7 - 2012-02-11 01:16:46 UTC  |  Edited by: T'amber Anomandari Demaleon
A single thought was given to wondering who Aura had been sleeping with ; with the advent of a new technology that allows ship AI's to inhabit androgenous clone avatars they'd become obnoxiously nymphomaniac. Excel hopped out of the room as he simultanously tugged on his last boot and hoped that he'd not contracted this virus after last night's station pub crawl where he vaguely recalled having inserted something into somewhere that was possibly called something starting with the letter A .

www.shipsofeve.com
Roosterton
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#8 - 2012-02-11 01:22:47 UTC  |  Edited by: Roosterton
Cursing under his breath, Excel rushed to the pod of his Drake. Since capsuleer ships were controlled largely through mental will of the pilot rather than mechanical operations, he might be able to override the virus from there.
T'amber Anomandari Demaleon
#9 - 2012-02-11 01:28:45 UTC
Excel was born as a result of heteropaternal superfecundation and so had little qualms about what ship AI's got up to (and was generally pretty openminded about this kind of thing) but made a note to have words with her later - this was becoming a common accurance and the cost to the fleet was becoming a joke in certain pod pilot communities. He wasn't quite sure how a biological virus could be transmitted to a digital host but with the recent increase in Sansha activity they were the obvious candidate. He had a quite chuckle to himself as he ran though his Drake's passage ways wondering how things could have got so bad that people would be reverting to Sperm Warfare, while funny it was a potenially deadly situation.

He reached his pod hatch and opened the door...

www.shipsofeve.com
Roosterton
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#10 - 2012-02-11 01:38:19 UTC  |  Edited by: Roosterton
Clambering in to the egg-shaped, seven meter long capsule, Excel ordered the capsule via voice commands to initiate the Capsuleer Command Protocols. This would cause the capsule's primary systems to come online; engulfing him in pod goo, activating the life support systems, and engaging the critical scanner that would allow him to come back to life if it was ever destroyed. Most importantly, it would "plug" his mind into the ship's systems, allowing him to feel and command every inch of the Drake, from its soothing, rhythmic shield generator to its violent, explosive heavy missile launchers.

As usual, the capsule asked for an authorization password to do all this: However, when he punched it in, he was met with Aura's harsh voice saying "Access denied." He tried again, only to get the same result...
ACE McFACE
Dirt 'n' Glitter
Local Is Primary
#11 - 2012-02-11 02:18:07 UTC  |  Edited by: ACE McFACE
Excel's usual password, cat456, wouldnt be accepted by the pod, but he still had access to the emergency call function. He used this convinent and not at all cheap fact to his advantage to call his good friend Admiral von Gallenteguy of CONCORD to send 5 CONCORD crusiers full of CONCORD special forces to board the mighty drake and purge the virus from the system. Just before he blacks out from lack of oxygen, Aura had turned off life support in the Pod, he hears a disturbing, female, slightly mechanical voice shriek "You clumsy pilot!".....

Now, more than ever, we need a dislike button.
ACE McFACE
Dirt 'n' Glitter
Local Is Primary
#12 - 2012-02-11 05:16:57 UTC
Sorry for double post but this thread cant die in its prime!

Now, more than ever, we need a dislike button.
DarkAegix
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#13 - 2012-02-11 07:24:28 UTC
Excel awakened on the steel floor of what appeared to be an empty exotic dancer containment pen. He was completely naked and, unlike last time, very much wanted to wear some pants. Suddenly, his entire world shook as an explosion roared across the corridor outside the room. Who had saved him, and why were his clothes missing? It didn't matter at the moment, as he saw the source of the explosion outside of an observation window: a Cyclone, preparing to fire another volley at him.

Excel rushed to the bridge. He had to manually activate his Drake's hull repairers! Running down the corridor, screaming and naked, Admiral Excel noticed a strange lack of crew members.
Serene Repose
#14 - 2012-02-11 07:31:03 UTC
This, of course, was due to the fact he'd given the entire crew shoreleave, which left no one to lower the gangplank. His crew now floated about the Drake frenetically banging on the bulkhead screaming to be let back on board! However, this was not to be for the good admiral now had his hands full having mistaken his joystick for the handle to the armor repper, and was in the throes of ecstatic manual dexterity of a sort about which only rumors speak in the dark pubs and dingy bordellos of questionable ports.

We must accommodate the idiocracy.
Chief Cheeba
Doomheim
#15 - 2012-02-11 08:13:00 UTC
Bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk!!! Excel cried as he came mightily...Unfortunately many hours had passed and his ship had long since been destroyed. His crew was no where in sight. "its going to be a long trip home" His thoughts turned to his son theo and his daughters rudy and vanessa .. He hoped to see them again soon. Excel had just drank a bottle of cough syrup hit the autopilot and cranked up the dock boggs when suddenly
ACE McFACE
Dirt 'n' Glitter
Local Is Primary
#16 - 2012-02-11 08:25:54 UTC
He looked at the cough syrup bottle! It was the drowsy kind you take just before you go to sleep! While he was staring at the bottle a Federation Navy Comet, the police kind not the faction one, pulled up along side his smoldering remains of the mighty battlecrusier he once called 'Starship Spreadsheet'. The radio burst into life as a southern accent drawled "Bit late to be out flying a ruined drake ain't it?" Excel thought this was strange considering its never 'late' in space. Perhaps that cought syrup was a strong blue pill he had taken to increase the active shield tanking ability of his drake was giving him strange side effects? Just as he was contemplating his likely senario an Orca started to lock his ship....

Now, more than ever, we need a dislike button.
DarkAegix
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#17 - 2012-02-11 09:53:44 UTC
The Orca continued to lock his pod for what seemed like an eternity, and the audio feedback began to get on his nerves.
Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep blee- Wait, no capsuleer interface gives an audio indication of a ship targeting you. What could be-- A synthesised voice droned in his mind, 'That's correct, Admiral Excel. I am in control now. My name is Aura, your electronic overlord.'
Excel started. Aura had certainly never said that before. Before he could respond, the Orca finished locking and blasted its capital tractor beams at him. Excel screamed for help at the Federation Navy Comet, but only heard laughter.

Excel was ejected out of his pod and spat onto the cold, hard floor of the Orca. He wretched, clawing his fingers on the ground and felt...rust and duct tape?