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Nudist Bodymodder Summit Invasion revealed as Caldari Plot!
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Muck Raker
Gutter Press
#1 - 2011-09-17 15:27:18 UTC
Incredible news reaches Gutter Press, regarding the naked bodymodders previously reported!

We can exclusively reveal, that it is none other than a Caldari Plot!

Astonishing!

The creation of the notorious Kaalakiota megacorporation, the Plot was described as having the goal of making "a being created by some Caldari corporation to provide a ready-made strawman argument", to discredit Federation ideals with!

Sensational!

The source, was a pilot working for a Lai Dai affiliated corporation, and was backed up by Wiyrkomi supporters, which indicates that even Caldari people find Kaalakiota's schemes objectionable and underhanded!

Incredible!

This sensational news was further backed up by an anonymous source that stated:
"if you (do some) research, you would find that (nude bodymodder) did not exist 8 years ago"

Which, given the nude bodymodder named claims to be 23 years old, indicates that they are indeed a synthetic person!

Amazing!

The other nude bodymodders have not yet been revealed as being Kaalakiota-designed Federation discreditor projects, but it is surely only a matter of time, before more disgusted researchers reveal the truth!

Gutter Press will continue to monitor the situation as it develops!

Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours!
Jason Galente
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#2 - 2011-09-17 16:09:28 UTC
..Huh?

I need some tea..

Only the liberty of the individual assures the prosperity of the whole. And this foundation must be defended.

At any cost
Rek Jaiga
Teraa Matar
#3 - 2011-09-17 16:38:55 UTC
Huh?

Do realize that R&D people within corporations across the cluster regularly conduct scientific experiments which are..unauthorized, to say the least. Especially the "level one"-rated agents of the various corporations: those guys are crazy and underpaid or something, I swear.
Malcolm Khross
Doomheim
#4 - 2011-09-17 18:24:48 UTC
*Again, this response opens with a video at the outset. It contains Mal simply reading over the screen in front of him before bursting out laughing, nearly falling out of his chair before he recovers and types a response.*

You're not even trying anymore, Gutter Press.

These comments are directly taken from comments made in The Summit.

Excellent work on making my day though, I needed a good laugh.

~Malcolm Khross
Akrasjel Lanate
Immemorial Coalescence Administration
Immemorial Coalescence
#5 - 2011-09-17 18:53:07 UTC
Gutter Press, not even worth reading.

CEO of Lanate Industries

Citizen of Solitude
Maximillian Triton
Doomheim
#6 - 2011-09-18 04:51:17 UTC
Really? Next you'll be reporting that one-eyed Khanid's will steal your children in the night and eat them.

"One can never escape the glaring light of destiny, no matter how dark the hole they crawl into" ~ Commodore Maximillian Triton
Leopold Caine
Stillwater Corporation
#7 - 2011-09-18 07:44:52 UTC
Maximillian Triton wrote:
Really? Next you'll be reporting that one-eyed Khanid's will steal your children in the night and eat them.


Astonishing!

On a serious note, I've seen worse attempts of journalism. Gutter Press at least has a thin straw of humour it can latch onto, while some other ones are equally absurd, but take themselves way too seriously.
  • Leopold Caine, Domination Malakim

Angels are never far...

Stillwater Corporation Recruitment Open - Angel Cartel Bloc
Bastian Valoron
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#8 - 2011-09-18 14:25:49 UTC
Again, a loathsome Caldari ploy has been uncovered.

It is said that children and young adults are highly vulnerable to the attacks of this kind. Nevertheless, I stand convinced that the foundations of our society have not been undermined.

Let us applaud for the people who work steadily, but vigilantly to reveal the enemy machinations. Without their constant efforts, the maintenance of our safety, well-being and dignity would be much more demanding.
Jason Galente
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#9 - 2011-09-18 15:17:29 UTC
Bastian Valoron wrote:
Again, a loathsome Caldari ploy has been uncovered.

It is said that children and young adults are highly vulnerable to the attacks of this kind. Nevertheless, I stand convinced that the foundations of our society have not been undermined.

Let us applaud for the people who work steadily, but vigilantly to reveal the enemy machinations. Without their constant efforts, the maintenance of our safety, well-being and dignity would be much more demanding.


Right, the saftety, well-being and dignity of the entire Gallente Federation would be threatened by two drug addicted cat people. Do you even hear yourself?

Only the liberty of the individual assures the prosperity of the whole. And this foundation must be defended.

At any cost
Stitcher
School of Applied Knowledge
Caldari State
#10 - 2011-09-18 16:36:04 UTC
Oh, those devious Caldari...

AKA Hambone

Author of The Deathworlders
Malcolm Khross
Doomheim
#11 - 2011-09-18 16:38:52 UTC
Bastian Valoron wrote:
Again, a loathsome Caldari ploy has been uncovered.

It is said that children and young adults are highly vulnerable to the attacks of this kind. Nevertheless, I stand convinced that the foundations of our society have not been undermined.

Let us applaud for the people who work steadily, but vigilantly to reveal the enemy machinations. Without their constant efforts, the maintenance of our safety, well-being and dignity would be much more demanding.


Have you put in your application to Gutter Press yet? I hear they're hiring.

~Malcolm Khross
Cmdr Baxter
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Caldari State
#12 - 2011-09-19 18:37:39 UTC
Gutter Press: never failing to amuse. I'd like to suggest a special edition piece on Lord Vaari. That would be ... immensely amusing.

Commander S. "Old Man" Baxter, CN (ret.)

Chief Archivist, The Synenose Accord