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Death By A Million Cuts

Author
Nauplius
Hoi Andrapodistai
#121 - 2016-11-27 23:40:35 UTC
Aria Jenneth wrote:
If I was going to be a shadow, I wanted to attach myself to the strongest, steadiest source of light I could find.


That would be God.
Aria Jenneth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#122 - 2016-11-28 00:51:46 UTC
Nauplius wrote:
Aria Jenneth wrote:
If I was going to be a shadow, I wanted to attach myself to the strongest, steadiest source of light I could find.

That would be God.

As you know, Mr. Nauplius, I don't believe in such a person.

Or being.

Or whatever the word would be.

(Also, your version of God is a little ... uh. Dark.)
Ashlar Vellum
Esquire Armaments
#123 - 2016-11-28 14:48:35 UTC
Aria Jenneth wrote:
Nauplius wrote:
Aria Jenneth wrote:
If I was going to be a shadow, I wanted to attach myself to the strongest, steadiest source of light I could find.

That would be God.

As you know, Mr. Nauplius, I don't believe in such a person.

Or being.

Or whatever the word would be.

(Also, your version of God is a little ... uh. Dark.)

What do you believe then?
Aria Jenneth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#124 - 2016-11-28 18:05:13 UTC  |  Edited by: Aria Jenneth
Ashlar Vellum wrote:
What do you believe then?

I'm an Achur practitioner, sir, Shuijing (lit. "Crystal of Size and Clarity Suitable for Jewelry") sect. The list of things I actually believe in is pretty short.

I believe in the Totality, the seamless All of existence. I do not believe in any lesser "thing," and see every reason to doubt my own existence: the borders between objects and people are illusory, navigational tricks we play on ourselves, when the reality is that people and things are more like whorls and eddies, deeply entangled with each other and with no existence at all apart from the water. I believe that if spirits and gods did exist, they, also, would be part of the Totality, just as we are.

I believe that we are never really apart from our roles in the Totality, nor can we truly act against it. We don't have "free will," but our interactions are complicated enough to closely simulate such a thing. Our awareness of the Totality itself it is a part of what influences our interactions within it, so I believe that by playing my part in the Totality, and by learning to perceive its movements and patterns, and my own place among them, I can lead a better, happier life, in tune with the universe and my place in it.

This is easier said than done. It seems worthwhile, though.
Lucien Marbot
#125 - 2016-11-28 20:16:38 UTC
Aria Jenneth wrote:
Ashlar Vellum wrote:
What do you believe then?

I'm an Achur practitioner, sir, Shuijing (lit. "Crystal of Size and Clarity Suitable for Jewelry") sect. The list of things I actually believe in is pretty short.

I believe in the Totality, the seamless All of existence. I do not believe in any lesser "thing," and see every reason to doubt my own existence: the borders between objects and people are illusory, navigational tricks we play on ourselves, when the reality is that people and things are more like whorls and eddies, deeply entangled with each other and with no existence at all apart from the water. I believe that if spirits and gods did exist, they, also, would be part of the Totality, just as we are.

I believe that we are never really apart from our roles in the Totality, nor can we truly act against it. We don't have "free will," but our interactions are complicated enough to closely simulate such a thing. Our awareness of the Totality itself it is a part of what influences our interactions within it, so I believe that by playing my part in the Totality, and by learning to perceive its movements and patterns, and my own place among them, I can lead a better, happier life, in tune with the universe and my place in it.

This is easier said than done. It seems worthwhile, though.

The lights are on but nobody is home. This is why we should not abuse boosters. Whorls and eddies my bleeding foot.

Death is nothing more then the searing pain of rebirth.

Aria Jenneth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#126 - 2016-11-29 01:12:05 UTC  |  Edited by: Aria Jenneth
Lucien Marbot wrote:
The lights are on but nobody is home. This is why we should not abuse boosters. Whorls and eddies my bleeding foot.

Yeah, that never seems to go over well when I try to explain it briefly. I keep working on a concise way to describe it, but I always just sort of come off "out there."

Oh, well. It's not like we're a huge sect even on Achura.

(But yes, your bleeding foot is also a whorl.)


Edit:

So-- maybe a few more tries. Let's see if any of these makes me not sound like a can of mixed nuts.

* I'm a pantheist who doesn't think anything exists but God. We struggling life forms are sort of a dream God is having, and the world of "things" is a dream we are having while being dreamed.

* I'm a nihilist with a more positive attitude.

* I'm a figment of my own imagination. That's okay; so are you.

* I'm a member of a spiritually-skeptical sect dedicated to a clear-eyed exploration and understanding of both the universe and ourselves. We enthusiastically pursue and incorporate findings into our teachings from basically any field from semiotic theory to quantum physics, and look at "gods," "spirits," and so on as teaching tools rather than literal entities.

Lay practitioners often believe in literal spirits, as well as a fairly standard Achur afterlife (which is kinda like being alive, only weirder). Monks typically get deeper into questions of the nature of reality, and also get deep enough in to properly understand that there's probably no celestial court waiting for anybody (a dead mind probably goes the same place a snuffed candle flame does), but that's more or less okay since nobody actually exists as a separate being in the first place. Learning to actually perceive and understand these truths is something most practitioners take a lifetime to achieve, if they manage it at all.

(There's a reason we only really go deep into that with the monks. For some reason I keep trying to explain it to capsuleers. Maybe the fact that occasionally some of us seem to get it?)

Ourselves a tiny twig on the end of a long and tangled branch of the mighty tree that is the Achur faith, we're part of what might be the strangest theocracy in history-- literally the concentration of the greatest power over the Achur people and the (rural parts of) planet Achura in the hands of the people generally least interested in temporal power. We have no concept of heresy or heterodoxy and tend to splinter off additional sects whenever there's a major disagreement. Often these divisions dissipate; sometimes they don't.

In the end, our sect's focus is simply truth-- both the vast truths of the cosmos and the more mundane but no less bewildering truths of humankind. I can get deep into neuroscience, semiotic theory, and the traditional use of martial arts to break down the barriers between mind, body, and "external" world, but really my aim is something much less arcane:

I want to be wise, instead of just clever.
Ashlar Vellum
Esquire Armaments
#127 - 2016-11-29 16:02:58 UTC
Aria Jenneth wrote:
Ashlar Vellum wrote:
What do you believe then?

I'm an Achur practitioner, sir, Shuijing (lit. "Crystal of Size and Clarity Suitable for Jewelry") sect. The list of things I actually believe in is pretty short.

I believe in the Totality, the seamless All of existence. I do not believe in any lesser "thing," and see every reason to doubt my own existence: the borders between objects and people are illusory, navigational tricks we play on ourselves, when the reality is that people and things are more like whorls and eddies, deeply entangled with each other and with no existence at all apart from the water. I believe that if spirits and gods did exist, they, also, would be part of the Totality, just as we are.

I believe that we are never really apart from our roles in the Totality, nor can we truly act against it. We don't have "free will," but our interactions are complicated enough to closely simulate such a thing. Our awareness of the Totality itself it is a part of what influences our interactions within it, so I believe that by playing my part in the Totality, and by learning to perceive its movements and patterns, and my own place among them, I can lead a better, happier life, in tune with the universe and my place in it.

This is easier said than done. It seems worthwhile, though.

Interesting, but why you still believe in it? Did it help when you had your life's "fender bender" and what about the person you respect and aspire to be around, why don't you incorporate her believes in your life?

You don't have to "attach" yourself to anyone and be their burden when or if you are both striving for the same ideals.
Aria Jenneth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#128 - 2016-11-29 17:40:19 UTC
Ashlar Vellum wrote:
Interesting, but why you still believe in it? Did it help when you had your life's "fender bender" and what about the person you respect and aspire to be around, why don't you incorporate her believes in your life?

You don't have to "attach" yourself to anyone and be their burden when or if you are both striving for the same ideals.

It's pretty simple, sir: I have trouble believing in the Amarrian God.

As a cultural, social, and political device, He's magnificent. It would be hard to find a better mechanism for binding a society into stable form for thousands of years.

As an actual, literal being, though....

In general, I find it easy to forgive people (they're just people) and the universe (it's not here for us; it's just here) for all the misery that we cause each other, and that circumstances cause us. I have trouble, though, with the idea of a sapient mind being responsible for all this.

The deepest weakness of the Amarr faith is its dependence on belief in a just god. If that belief dies, atheism or (much worse) Sanism tends to follow.

I don't expect justice from this universe in the first place, and I don't believe in any world to follow. But, if I did believe in God, I'm afraid I'd probably hate Him.

I can forgive the Totality. I can't forgive God. As you can imagine, this is kind of a sticking point.

Maybe some day this will change. I'm a little subject to the influence of the people around me, but I'm also maybe a little stubborn about things I actually have strong opinions on. I assume the Praefecta hopes to convert me one day, but, I'm kind of a long-term project that way.

I'd kind of have to be.

Also, I'm well aware of the scripture warning against knocking on the gates to Paradise and then walking away. Your religion will have me when I'm good and ready, sir. And not before.
Ashlar Vellum
Esquire Armaments
#129 - 2016-11-29 18:28:14 UTC
Aria Jenneth wrote:
Ashlar Vellum wrote:
Interesting, but why you still believe in it? Did it help when you had your life's "fender bender" and what about the person you respect and aspire to be around, why don't you incorporate her believes in your life?

You don't have to "attach" yourself to anyone and be their burden when or if you are both striving for the same ideals.

It's pretty simple, sir: I have trouble believing in the Amarrian God.

As a cultural, social, and political device, He's magnificent. It would be hard to find a better mechanism for binding a society into stable form for thousands of years.

As an actual, literal being, though....

In general, I find it easy to forgive people (they're just people) and the universe (it's not here for us; it's just here) for all the misery that we cause each other, and that circumstances cause us. I have trouble, though, with the idea of a sapient mind being responsible for all this.

The deepest weakness of the Amarr faith is its dependence on belief in a just god. If that belief dies, atheism or (much worse) Sanism tends to follow.

I don't expect justice from this universe in the first place, and I don't believe in any world to follow. But, if I did believe in God, I'm afraid I'd probably hate Him.

I can forgive the Totality. I can't forgive God. As you can imagine, this is kind of a sticking point.

Maybe some day this will change. I'm a little subject to the influence of the people around me, but I'm also maybe a little stubborn about things I actually have strong opinions on. I assume the Praefecta hopes to convert me one day, but, I'm kind of a long-term project that way.

I'd kind of have to be.

Also, I'm well aware of the scripture warning against knocking on the gates to Paradise and then walking away. Your religion will have me when I'm good and ready, sir. And not before.

That what I find strange you had your strong opinions before that helped you how? You were forced to search for "strongest, steadiest source of light" to "attach", if your believes can't provide this then what are they good for? Actually the word choice "attach" I find even more strange, why not: follow, strive to, aspire, reach out.

Also why would you hate something that is just?
Matar Ronin
#130 - 2016-11-29 18:39:00 UTC
Pilots Vellum and Jenneth your exchanges are quite interesting. It is pleasant when one can reflect upon their own world view by listening to an intelligent conversation held by others. By all means continue. Not everything here has to be said in angry words to be effective.

‘Vain flame burns fast/and its lick is light/Modest flame lasts long/and burns to the bone.’

" We lost a war we chose not to fight." Without a doubt this is the best way to lose any war and the worst excuse to explain the beating afterwards.

Aria Jenneth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#131 - 2016-11-29 18:58:52 UTC  |  Edited by: Aria Jenneth
Ashlar Vellum wrote:
That what I find strange you had your strong opinions before that helped you how? You were forced to search for "strongest, steadiest source of light" to "attach", if your believes can't provide this then what are they good for? Actually the word choice "attach" I find even more strange, why not: follow, strive to, aspire, reach out.

I didn't bind myself to the Praefecta because of her faith, but because of her spirit. "The two are the same," you might say, but, I don't quite see it that way. Some of the best people I know are Amarr, it's true. ... so are some of the scariest, though.

Also, about something you said before....

Quote:
You don't have to "attach" yourself to anyone and be their burden when or if you are both striving for the same ideals.

I hope I'm not a burden. ... I'm a sworn retainer, sir-- literally a servant. If the Praefecta finds me burdensome she's free to dismiss me. Otherwise, I'm a resource for her to use.

Quote:
Also why would you hate something that is just?

Because I don't see that it is.
Ashlar Vellum
Esquire Armaments
#132 - 2016-11-29 22:13:47 UTC  |  Edited by: Ashlar Vellum
Aria Jenneth wrote:
Ashlar Vellum wrote:
That what I find strange you had your strong opinions before that helped you how? You were forced to search for "strongest, steadiest source of light" to "attach", if your believes can't provide this then what are they good for? Actually the word choice "attach" I find even more strange, why not: follow, strive to, aspire, reach out.

I didn't bind myself to the Praefecta because of her faith, but because of her spirit. "The two are the same," you might say, but, I don't quite see it that way. Some of the best people I know are Amarr, it's true. ... so are some of the scariest, though.

Do not confuse people who claim to be amarr with Amarr - people who serve God and the Empire, live by the Scriptures and follow The Word. Spirit and faith are intertwined together in a symbiosis, one can't flourish without the other. When it does flourish tho you get your "strongest, steadiest source of light" that know no hardship etc. and so on, you've heard the rest probably.
Aria Jenneth wrote:

I hope I'm not a burden. ... I'm a sworn retainer, sir-- literally a servant. If the Praefecta finds me burdensome she's free to dismiss me. Otherwise, I'm a resource for her to use.

That's the thing she can't, for her to dismiss you is not only to fail you but also the Divine.
Aria Jenneth wrote:

Quote:
Also why would you hate something that is just?

Because I don't see that it is.

And Totality is?
Aria Jenneth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#133 - 2016-11-29 22:50:18 UTC  |  Edited by: Aria Jenneth
Ashlar Vellum wrote:
Do not confuse people who claim to be amarr with Amarr - people who serve God and the Empire, live by the Scriptures and follow The Word. Spirit and faith are intertwined together in a symbiosis, one can't flourish without the other. When it does flourish tho you get your "strongest, steadiest source of light" that know no hardship etc. and so on, you've heard the rest probably.

Oh dear.

Uh, sir? ... I think I'll pass on the obvious rebuttal and refrain from reeling off people you just implied aren't truly Amarr.

For my own part, I don't doubt their sincerity in service to God and Empire, or obedience to the Scriptures or the Word. But if I need help, especially with my own soul and state of mind, they aren't necessarily people I'd approach.

Quote:
Aria Jenneth wrote:
I hope I'm not a burden. ... I'm a sworn retainer, sir-- literally a servant. If the Praefecta finds me burdensome she's free to dismiss me. Otherwise, I'm a resource for her to use.

That's the thing she can't, for her to dismiss you is not only to fail you but also the Divine.

Sir, respectfully, what you are trying to do is a little transparent and probably a pretty bad idea if you actually want me to ever consider joining your Faith.

I'm maybe a little sensitive on this subject, but I'm also intellectually aware of what a capable combat pilot is worth. Pressing at my insecurities won't change my fundamental view of the world. If I was willing to sell my faith so cheaply, I'd have converted long ago.

Pressuring me is mostly going to make me upset.

Quote:
Aria Jenneth wrote:
Because I don't see that it is.

And Totality is?

Probably not sapient in a way we'd understand.

I don't ask a river to be just, even if it's drowning me. It doesn't know it's hurting me; it doesn't know I'm here.

Even if it were sapient-- do you weep for all the viruses and bacteria your immune system massacres, sir? Or the dead skin cells that come away when you scrub? Your hair and toenails (unless synthetic) are ... well, mass graves, on the cellular level.

Even we, ourselves, contain multitudes. ... not that we notice.
Pieter Tuulinen
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#134 - 2016-11-29 23:04:45 UTC
Aria Jenneth wrote:

Probably not sapient in a way we'd understand.

I don't ask a river to be just, even if it's drowning me. It doesn't know it's hurting me; it doesn't know I'm here.

Even if it were sapient-- do you weep for all the viruses and bacteria your immune system massacres, sir? Or the dead skin cells that come away when you scrub? Your hair and toenails (unless synthetic) are ... well, mass graves, on the cellular level.

Even we, ourselves, contain multitudes. ... not that we notice.


Maker, Aria. I'm just going to sit here in my quarters, alone, with a bottle of vodka and a box of hankies.

For the first time since I started the conversation, he looks me dead in the eye. In his gaze are steel jackhammers, quiet vengeance, a hundred thousand orbital bombs frozen in still life.

Aria Jenneth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#135 - 2016-11-30 02:29:08 UTC  |  Edited by: Aria Jenneth
Pieter Tuulinen wrote:
Maker, Aria. I'm just going to sit here in my quarters, alone, with a bottle of vodka and a box of hankies.

It's only a sad way of seeing the world if you think of yourself as a separate being, though, Pieter. The Totality's a wonder-- something miraculous, a phenomenon we haven't even scratched the slightest part of. And here it is talking to itself and worrying about itself and having little tiny bits of itself take themselves oh so very seriously!

It's. So. Neat!

... We don't exist, not as separate entities. Our apartness is an illusion we've evolved to treat as real, when actually our borders blur into each other in all sorts of different ways: my influence on you (my words: symbols, shaping ideas in your mind), yours on me (methods taught, kindnesses shown), the rotating cast of matter that makes up our bodies, the little trails of cast-off dead matter we leave behind us as dust, the lives we've ended, the people we've protected, the random snacks we've purchased-- our presence is so much larger, and so much more diffuse, than we tend to think of ourselves as being.

When this little spark of memory and thought goes out forever, nothing important will be lost. ... just another figment vanishing back into the everything from which it came, and which it never really left.

(The cosmic soup of humanity certainly puts out engaging patterns. I wonder what it'll produce next!)

Until then, we get to explore. It's kind of an amazing privilege. Fruit flies don't get to see nearly this much. (Probably.)
Ashlar Vellum
Esquire Armaments
#136 - 2016-11-30 15:43:26 UTC
Aria Jenneth wrote:

Uh, sir? ... I think I'll pass on the obvious rebuttal and refrain from reeling off people you just implied aren't truly Amarr.

It would be interesting to see those reeled off people who would claim otherwise.

Aria Jenneth wrote:
Quote:
Aria Jenneth wrote:
I hope I'm not a burden. ... I'm a sworn retainer, sir-- literally a servant. If the Praefecta finds me burdensome she's free to dismiss me. Otherwise, I'm a resource for her to use.

That's the thing she can't, for her to dismiss you is not only to fail you but also the Divine.

Sir, respectfully, what you are trying to do is a little transparent and probably a pretty bad idea if you actually want me to ever consider joining your Faith.

I'm maybe a little sensitive on this subject, but I'm also intellectually aware of what a capable combat pilot is worth. Pressing at my insecurities won't change my fundamental view of the world. If I was willing to sell my faith so cheaply, I'd have converted long ago.

Pressuring me is mostly going to make me upset.

I'm not trying to reclaim you or make you upset, just letting you see that we are responsible for people that we surround ourselves with. Besides why would you get upset about the truth, that would be most unwise. There is also another matter I just logically don't understand why you cling to something that couldn't serve it's purpose and failed you when you most needed it.
Also what do you mean by saying "so cheaply"?

Aria Jenneth wrote:
Probably not sapient in a way we'd understand.

I don't ask a river to be just, even if it's drowning me. It doesn't know it's hurting me; it doesn't know I'm here.

Even if it were sapient-- do you weep for all the viruses and bacteria your immune system massacres, sir? Or the dead skin cells that come away when you scrub? Your hair and toenails (unless synthetic) are ... well, mass graves, on the cellular level.

Even we, ourselves, contain multitudes. ... not that we notice.

If it is just then it is devoided from feelings and interests, it is about consequences that are deserved. It would be unjust to reward carelessness, don't you think? So if someone jumping into a raging river overestimating his or her strength and stamina expecting Divine laws to stop just because, then it dosen't make world around unjust on the contrary it shows that person who is doing selfish and shortsighted thing will get what he or she deserves.
Aria Jenneth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#137 - 2016-11-30 17:54:13 UTC
Ashlar Vellum wrote:
I'm not trying to reclaim you or make you upset, just letting you see that we are responsible for people that we surround ourselves with. Besides why would you get upset about the truth, that would be most unwise. There is also another matter I just logically don't understand why you cling to something that couldn't serve it's purpose and failed you when you most needed it.

Also what do you mean by saying "so cheaply"?

You described me as a burden, sir. That's not a neutral term when you're talking about a person. I'm the Praefecta's aide and agent. This is in trade for certain benefits; some attention paid to my spiritual well-being is one of them.

I make it a point to ensure I'm worth the trouble. You're saying I'm not-- that my status as a heathen Achur makes me more trouble than I'm worth, but that the Praefecta can't relieve herself of me without betraying her beliefs.

That, sir, is a really low blow, particularly since you're not really in a position to know whether I'm a burden or not.

Quote:
If it is just then it is devoided from feelings and interests, it is about consequences that are deserved. It would be unjust to reward carelessness, don't you think? So if someone jumping into a raging river overestimating his or her strength and stamina expecting Divine laws to stop just because, then it dosen't make world around unjust on the contrary it shows that person who is doing selfish and shortsighted thing will get what he or she deserves.

It takes more faith than I have to believe that this world gives people what they deserve, sir.

That or willful blindness.
Ashlar Vellum
Esquire Armaments
#138 - 2016-11-30 20:16:55 UTC
Aria Jenneth wrote:
Ashlar Vellum wrote:
I'm not trying to reclaim you or make you upset, just letting you see that we are responsible for people that we surround ourselves with. Besides why would you get upset about the truth, that would be most unwise. There is also another matter I just logically don't understand why you cling to something that couldn't serve it's purpose and failed you when you most needed it.

Also what do you mean by saying "so cheaply"?

You described me as a burden, sir. That's not a neutral term when you're talking about a person. I'm the Praefecta's aide and agent. This is in trade for certain benefits; some attention paid to my spiritual well-being is one of them.

I make it a point to ensure I'm worth the trouble. You're saying I'm not-- that my status as a heathen Achur makes me more trouble than I'm worth, but that the Praefecta can't relieve herself of me without betraying her beliefs.

That, sir, is a really low blow, particularly since you're not really in a position to know whether I'm a burden or not.

If I'm talking complete nonsense then why it upsets you.

I was just asking questions for the most part based on your answers, I didn't use such terms as "to attach", "bind to" or "to sell... so cheaply", playfully and proudly announce that you are "stubborn and a long-term project that way" you said all of this not me. I did compare your actions with a burden that is true, not you but your actions based on your chosen wording.

And now I find it worrisome that you got upset over my comparison, but you seemes to be ok with your "steady source of light" to die a little because you feel you worth it.
Jev North
Doomheim
#139 - 2016-11-30 20:41:53 UTC
Ashlar Vellum wrote:
you seemes to be ok with your "steady source of light" to die a little because you feel you worth it.

You have no idea how funny this notion is, and that makes it even better!

Even though our love is cruel; even though our stars are crossed.

Aria Jenneth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#140 - 2016-11-30 22:50:44 UTC
Ashlar Vellum wrote:
If I'm talking complete nonsense then why it upsets you.

I was just asking questions for the most part based on your answers, I didn't use such terms as "to attach", "bind to" or "to sell... so cheaply", playfully and proudly announce that you are "stubborn and a long-term project that way" you said all of this not me. I did compare your actions with a burden that is true, not you but your actions based on your chosen wording.

And now I find it worrisome that you got upset over my comparison, but you seemes to be ok with your "steady source of light" to die a little because you feel you worth it.

Sir, are you aware that, in effect if not intentionally, you are trying to guilt trip me into changing my religion?