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Snakes in Space - The Serpentis

Author
Valerie Valate
Church of The Crimson Saviour
#1 - 2016-08-11 18:44:47 UTC
Readers of the IGS. Hello.
As many of you are no doubt aware, I have written many, great, guides to the different cultures of New Eden.
An Idiot's Guide to Minmatar Religion and History
A Guide to Gallente Culture, for the interstellar traveller
Surviving the Corporate Jungle, a guide to Caldari Culture
A Brief History of Amarr, in Three Parts
A Simple guide to Slave Training
How to recognise different Amarr religions from quite a long way away
The Definitive Guide to Jove Culture and how to avoid it

It was recently asked, whether I could write a guide or two, about the "Pirate Factions", and also the Drifters.

So, by unpopular demand, I present some more cultural guides.

Let us start with the Serpentis.



Serpentis Corporation. One of the biggest drugs cartels in New Eden. With a lot of snake-based symbols on their stuff.

The name alone tells us a great deal about the Serpentis, and their culture.

You see, Serpentis Corporation were originally a Gallentean pharmaceutical corporation, before there was a great falling out between the corporations owners, and the Federal authorities. The Federation had some concerns about the exact nature of the substances that Serpentis Corporation were producing and selling across New Eden. The founder of Serpentis Corporation, a chap by the name of Salvador Sarpati, was not pleased at the Federation authorities poking into his business, and moved far away from Federal space, and contracted various ruffians and malcontents to provide armed resistance to any further Federal interference in Serpentis affairs.

Because they retained their name as "Serpentis Corporation", this tells us a great deal about their culture.

You see, normally drug cartels give themselves absolutely stupid names, because they're all high on their own supply, and call themselves after the first thing they imagine whilst all hepped up on goofballs.

So, because the Serpentis are not called "The Flaming Space Snakes That Shoot Fire Out Their Mouth And Can Like, Fly As Well, And Whoah, Like, What If The Snakes Could Also Like, Change Colour And Stuff, Man That'd Be Trippy", and are instead, rather prosaically called "Serpentis Corporation", what this tells us, is that none of the senior executives of the corporation indulge in their own products. While Federal propaganda might seek to paint Salvador Sarpati as a drug-crazed psychopath, the fact that Serpentis Corporation still clearly exists along megacorporate lines, shows that he does not indulge in their products.

What Serpentis Corporation are, are the brains behind the largest drug cartel in New Eden. They design, manufacture, and provide to their distributors, all manner of psychoactive substances, many of which are illegal, and some of which are illegal enough that CONCORD will fire upon any ships they suspect of carrying said substances.

What they produce, of course, is a staggering array of goofballs.

Drugs that are uppers, drugs that are downers, drugs that are sidewaysers, drugs that make you believe you're someone else, drugs that make someone else believe they're you, drugs that alter your perception of reality, drugs that alter reality's perception of you, and so on and so forth. If it has a psychoactive effect, then Serpentis Corporation makes it.


The ordinary line members of Serpentis Corporation are of course, a different story.

They're all hepped up on the goofballs, and thusly, fly their Vigilants and Vindicators in oddly predictable manners, allowing capsuleers to gun them down en masse. Their equipment is quite often souped up over and above what is normal, which compensates slightly for their hepped up goofness. But not enough to match capsuleers.


If you see a line member of Serpentis on a station, it may already be too late.

Because of their consumption of strange substances, the typical Serpentis line member smells strongly of drugs, and gives off fumes that are in themselves psychoactive. They may also leave a trail of psychoactive slime behind them, as they sweat drugs out through their pores. If you see one, you may already be contaminated with the drugs. REMAIN VIGILANT AVOID CLOSE CONTACT WITH SERPENTIS PERSONNEL.


More subtle, higher up, members of Serpentis, do not consume drugs to anything like the same extent, therefore will not be detectable by sight. However, their behaviour, and tendency to say "Hey kids, wanna try something that'll blow your mind ?" and similar phrases, reveals their true identity. They may appear to have unfocused eyes, if you talk to them. This is because they're doped up to the eyeballs in crazy-juice.


Occasionally, Federal agencies will offer large sums for capsuleers to go on eradication missions against Serpentis assets. This can be quite profitable for some, but it should be remembered that drug dealers don't like narcs, and if you narc on Serpentis, then, in the future, it might go poorly for you. Finding out that someone has spiked your pod-gel with hallucinogens, well, that's going to ruin your day.


So, in summary, the Serpentis executive class are as professional as any other large corporate entity in New Eden, while the line members are all hepped up on goofballs and should be avoided whenever possible.

Doctor V. Valate, Professor of Archaeology at Kaztropolis Imperial University.

The Golden Serpent
A Drunken Squirrels' Conspiracy for Revenge
#2 - 2016-08-11 23:23:52 UTC

ha very funny

they are named Serpentis because they got started out in the Serpent's Coil region out by Villinore or whatever, back when they were still in the Galfed

Only the Gallente and their pet Concord classify them as pirates, stop watching Scope already

-:¦:-•:'":•.-:¦:-•* K H A N I D •-:¦:-•:''''*:•-:¦:-

Claudia Osyn
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#3 - 2016-08-11 23:45:16 UTC
The Golden Serpent wrote:

ha very funny

they are named Serpentis because they got started out in the Serpent's Coil region out by Villinore or whatever, back when they were still in the Galfed

Only the Gallente and their pet Concord classify them as pirates, stop watching Scope already


This. Totally this. Serpentis are completely legitimate; ignore those Gallente and their CONCORD lapdogs... On an unrelated note, wanna try something that will blow your mind?

A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.

Slayer Liberator
Pandemic Horde Inc.
Pandemic Horde
#4 - 2016-08-12 03:28:08 UTC  |  Edited by: Slayer Liberator
Claudia Osyn wrote:
The Golden Serpent wrote:

ha very funny

they are named Serpentis because they got started out in the Serpent's Coil region out by Villinore or whatever, back when they were still in the Galfed

Only the Gallente and their pet Concord classify them as pirates, stop watching Scope already


This. Totally this. Serpentis are completely legitimate; ignore those Gallente and their CONCORD lapdogs... On an unrelated note, wanna try something that will blow your mind?

I want some
And this was very informative I will have to use those nanites that make drugs useless whenever I go to a serpent station
Tabris Katz
The Forgotten Children
#5 - 2016-08-12 13:15:32 UTC
Dr. Valate,

While I feel your culture guide into the vile, unethical and drug-laced depths of Serpentis is accurate and well rounded. There is still one major feature of the Serpentis that you overlooked, their connection to the Angel Cartel and specifically the Guardian Angels assigned to protect them. I feel any guide that does not include this very important facet does a great disservice in understanding the danger this alliance presents the Cluster.

So if it would not be to bold of me, allow me to expand on your guide and fill in this gap that is the Serpentis Corporation/Angel Cartel alliance.

Now must of my information about their relationship comes from data I've recovered from Angel/Serpentis data site I've managed to hack.

The alliance between the Angel Cartel and the Serpentis Corporation is one of mutual benefit (ailment to the Cluster) and economics. The Angel Cartel is the most powerful and wide spread pirate faction in the Cluster. They have large reaching distribution networks, access to unique technology and engage in all types illegal activities. However for all of this, they are not scientists nor greatly equipped to build the drugs they deal in.

Enter the the Serpentis Corporation. The Serpentis are scientist specializing in drug manufacturing and other illicit research activities. It is for these reason the Serpentis approached the Angel Cartel with a simple proposal. If the Angel Cartel would provide the Serpentis with military support and training, they would supply the Cartel with nearly endless supply of drugs. The relationship turned into one of the most profitable (and dangerous) arrangements in the Cluster. The Angel Cartel got a cheap and constant supply of drugs which allowed the Salvation Angels to focus on other logistical ventures. While the Serpentis gained powerful military backing, training and access to Angel technology (specifically advanced webifiers and sensor dampers) which allowed them to do what they so best, unethical research without fear of Concord or Federation interference.

One would expect such relationship to only last so long before one party thought them better then other and attempted a take over, but this did not happen. Instead (from what little data I've recovered) the leadership of the Angel Cartel was so impressed by the Serpentis Corp. ability to manufacture and supply them, they created the Guardian Angels to protect the Serpentis.

Even more alarm is information I recovered indicating that the Serpentis have been covertly dosing the Guardian Angels with drugs that make them more malleable and easier to control. Now I have no evidence indicating the Serpentis have ever had to use this safeguard or that the Domination are aware of it. Instead both parties seem content with the current arrangement, which presents a clear and present danger to the Cluster on a whole.
Avio Yaken
Myrskytuuli Regiment
Raata Zaibatsu
#6 - 2016-08-12 13:36:28 UTC
I wonder if Salvador even likes snakes....

(.___________________________________________.)/

Kalaratiri
SniggWaffe
WAFFLES.
#7 - 2016-08-12 13:46:53 UTC
As a Guardian Angel;

Hello!

Feel free to contact me for all your protection and narcotic based needs!

She's mad but she's magic, there's no lie in her fire.

This is possibly one of the worst threads in the history of these forums.  - CCP Falcon

I don't remember when last time you said something that wasn't either dumb or absurd. - Diana Kim

Slayer Liberator
Pandemic Horde Inc.
Pandemic Horde
#8 - 2016-08-12 15:28:16 UTC
Avio Yaken wrote:
I wonder if Salvador even likes snakes....

Theoretically yes
Valerie Valate
Church of The Crimson Saviour
#9 - 2016-08-12 16:35:43 UTC
Tabris Katz wrote:
Dr. Valate,
There is still one major feature of the Serpentis that you overlooked, their connection to the Angel Cartel and specifically the Guardian Angels assigned to protect them.


Well, I did mention that Serpentis Corporation had contracted various ruffians and malcontents to provide security.

And I shall at some point, write a guide to the Angel Cartel, which would explain their relationship more fully.

Doctor V. Valate, Professor of Archaeology at Kaztropolis Imperial University.

Slayer Liberator
Pandemic Horde Inc.
Pandemic Horde
#10 - 2016-08-12 16:43:29 UTC
Valerie Valate wrote:
Tabris Katz wrote:
Dr. Valate,
There is still one major feature of the Serpentis that you overlooked, their connection to the Angel Cartel and specifically the Guardian Angels assigned to protect them.


Well, I did mention that Serpentis Corporation had contracted various ruffians and malcontents to provide security.

And I shall at some point, write a guide to the Angel Cartel, which would explain their relationship more fully.

Wonderful
Kalaratiri
SniggWaffe
WAFFLES.
#11 - 2016-08-12 23:06:08 UTC
I greatly look forward to that one.

She's mad but she's magic, there's no lie in her fire.

This is possibly one of the worst threads in the history of these forums.  - CCP Falcon

I don't remember when last time you said something that wasn't either dumb or absurd. - Diana Kim

Tabris Katz
The Forgotten Children
#12 - 2016-08-13 11:11:36 UTC
Valerie Valate wrote:
Tabris Katz wrote:
Dr. Valate,
There is still one major feature of the Serpentis that you overlooked, their connection to the Angel Cartel and specifically the Guardian Angels assigned to protect them.


Well, I did mention that Serpentis Corporation had contracted various ruffians and malcontents to provide security.

And I shall at some point, write a guide to the Angel Cartel, which would explain their relationship more fully.


Dr. Valate,

Indeed you did mention their connection to ruffian, malcontents and alluded the Angel Cartel alliance. For that oversight I apologize.

However, I still feel that the Guardian Angel should of received more then a footnote.
The Leopardess
Viziam
Amarr Empire
#13 - 2016-08-13 23:22:34 UTC  |  Edited by: The Leopardess
This is the best parody of Scope I have seen yet. You have to admit watching the Gallente Federation news outlets freaking out every night about their wayward child is pretty funny, especially considering they are pushing this smear campaign because Serpentis is a successful, innovative and completely free to research and develop whatever they want. If there is one thing they hate more than God and profits it's an independent individual.

龴ↀ◡ↀ龴

Arrendis
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#14 - 2016-08-14 02:21:23 UTC
Valerie Valate wrote:
REMAIN VIGILANT


Remember! Your vigilance will be vindicated!