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University Professor travels through time !
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Muck Raker
Gutter Press
#1 - 2016-03-15 20:54:04 UTC
Astonishing news reaches Gutter Press, from one of the campuses of the University of Caille, where a physics professor has announced that he has successfully travelled through time !

Chrononaut !

The professor claims that 5 years ago, he constructed the "Chronosphere", or "time machine", and that he has successfully travelled instantaneously from the past, backing up this claim with contemporary hard-printed newspapers, and cans of Quafe date-marked YC113, that were still as cool and refreshing as contemporary Quafe soft drinks !

Astounding !

These claims were met with suspicion by several other university staff, including many of the professor's colleagues.

"I bet he's just been hiding in the office supply cupboard for the past 5 years", said one of the physicists.
"You know, I thought he'd retired.", said another.
"If he's from the past, then his future self should also be here. I only see one of him. So I'm sceptical in the extreme", said another physicist.
"What can you do, the man has tenure", said a university official, somewhat resignedly.
"Tenure or not, if this is another Clone-osaurus incident, I'm going to be annoyed", said a senior university administrator.

Scepticism !

The design of the "Chronosphere", remains under wraps, with the professor refusing to allow it to be examined by outside experts.


Gutter Press. News, before it happens.

Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours!
Utari Onzo
Escalated.
OnlyFleets.
#2 - 2016-03-15 20:57:37 UTC
I almost choked on my tea. Maybe I could ask the good Professor for my last 30 seconds back.

"Face the enemy as a solid wall For faith is your armor And through it, the enemy will find no breach Wrap your arms around the enemy For faith is your fire And with it, burn away his evil"
Deitra Vess
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#3 - 2016-03-15 21:23:40 UTC
Didn't this story happen 2 years ago? Deja Vu.....
Aria Jenneth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#4 - 2016-03-15 23:05:03 UTC
Wouldn't a sphere containing some sort of cryostasis pod, plus a cupboard for the papers and a refrigerator for the Quafe, achieve this same effect?

(Does Quafe actually even go stale?)
Gosakumori Noh
Coven of One
#5 - 2016-03-16 01:20:13 UTC
Quafe makes excellent zombie embalming fluid and does not go stale. It is a little known fact that Sansha Kuvakei made his first fortune speculating on the success of Quafe Orange Singularity. Critics complained that it tasted like warp coil coolant. Of course, it was warp coil coolant. Many Thukker continue to swear by it.
Nauplius
Hoi Andrapodistai
#6 - 2016-03-16 11:07:12 UTC
Strange that it was not thought necessary to consult exotic dancers for their opinion on this matter.
Morgan Wulver
SAYR Reserve Guard
SAYR Galactic
#7 - 2016-03-16 21:51:24 UTC
Do you know what you call time travel that only moves forward? Wasted time. Come talk to me when you've built something that can let me go back and undo my cringe-worthy past.

Kirjuun! Uakan! Teknikiara! Kanpai kameitsamuu! Ra ra ra!
Elmund Egivand
Tribal Liberation Force
Minmatar Republic
#8 - 2016-03-17 01:46:16 UTC
Gosakumori Noh wrote:
Quafe makes excellent zombie embalming fluid and does not go stale. It is a little known fact that Sansha Kuvakei made his first fortune speculating on the success of Quafe Orange Singularity. Critics complained that it tasted like warp coil coolant. Of course, it was warp coil coolant. Many Thukker continue to swear by it.



I didn't know it's a warp drive coolant. My crew and I had been using it as industrial-grade detergent for cleaning up the engines and thrusters for years now.

A Minmatar warship is like a rusting Beetle with 500 horsepower Cardillac engines in the rear, armour plating bolted to chassis and a M2 Browning stuck on top.
Seraphim Risen
Republic University
Minmatar Republic
#9 - 2016-03-17 17:20:21 UTC
My pod time travels at a rate of one second per second.

Never not badpost.
Valerie Valate
Church of The Crimson Saviour
#10 - 2016-03-18 14:40:07 UTC
Aria Jenneth wrote:
Wouldn't a sphere containing some sort of cryostasis pod, plus a cupboard for the papers and a refrigerator for the Quafe, achieve this same effect?


Now that's just crazy talk.

Doctor V. Valate, Professor of Archaeology at Kaztropolis Imperial University.