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Blood Raider Fitness fanatics take exercise world by storm !
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Muck Raker
Gutter Press
#1 - 2016-01-19 20:33:24 UTC
At this time of year, with many people having celebrated the New Year with rich food and now feeling the consequences, exercise and fitness topics gain more coverage in the news, with coverage of new trends and products higher than at any other month.

Overindulgence !

While many in the modern age use mods and implants to maintain their figures, other people use traditional exercise methods, such as the celebrity Simo Reshar and his assistants.

One traditional style group has recently appeared and is gaining a lot of members, causing concern as they originated with the Sani Sabik religion, which is most well known for the Blood Raider terror group !

The Cult of the Lift, has opened branches across several star systems in the Federation, and their slogan "Pain is Unrighteousness Leaving the Body" has struck a chord with many, or so it would seem.

Pain !

Gutter Press sent an agent, to find out.

"Since joining Cult of the Lift, I have become swole, hyurrr!", said one Intaki man, flexing. "Totes sick gains, bro", said his Jin-Mei training buddy.

"My bf was all like 'gurl, you shredded' after like 3 months", said one Gallente woman.

"Pain is just the Deceiver telling you you can't be this ripped", said an Amarr male staff member. "Reject the Deceiver's lies, and get stacked"

"God gave me muscles, and I intend to show them off", said a female Amarr member. "Vanity is not a sin."

Flex !

The Cult of the Lift rejects mods, implants, and drugs, in their quest for physical improvement, which sets it apart from more conventional exercise styles, and this has led to some criticism from others, as well as the criticism from ethnic Amarr citizens in the Federation, who are concerned about the Sani Sabik origin of the cult.

Controversial !

"I was demonstrating the superiority of exercise drones to those cultists, and one of them said 'Dost thou even Lyft?' in a mocking tone at me! I was outraged !", said a fitness drone salesman.

"How anyone can stand to exercise for hours a day, several days a week, instead of simple modifications is beyond me.", said a bodymod enthusiast.

"Sure, exercise today, and next thing you know, they're busting heads and breaking furniture tomorrow", said an ethnic Amarr bartender.

With no slowing in their growth rate, It seems the Cult of the Lift is set to make massive gains !


Gutter Press. News.

Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours!
Yarosara Ruil
#2 - 2016-01-19 20:43:40 UTC
It's like a rollercoaster of bad journalism and the ride never ends.
ValentinaDLM
SoE Roughriders
Electus Matari
#3 - 2016-01-19 21:55:06 UTC
I am impressed please bring us more investigative journalism on the subject.
Kador Ouryon
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#4 - 2016-01-19 22:01:34 UTC
Gutter Press never fails to make my day.

What fills the soul? Something that guides a lost child back to it's parents arms. Or waves that dye the shores of the heart gold. A blessed breath to nurture life in a land of wheat. Or the path the Sef descend drawn in ash. In the wake of fire.
Deitra Vess
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#5 - 2016-01-19 23:19:52 UTC
Welp...... Doesn't surprise me honestly....
Aria Jenneth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#6 - 2016-01-20 00:42:52 UTC
I've been trying to think of a way Nauplius could run off with this one, and I'm relieved to say I can't think of one. That he doesn't do already, anyway. Or that wouldn't....

... nf. Nfbl. Geahahahahahahahahaha! Steal this one, Nauplius! Oh, please do!

Ah.... Maybe I shouldn't be able to laugh about him, considering, but gods it feels good.
Anyanka Funk
Doomheim
#7 - 2016-01-20 04:25:27 UTC
Aria Jenneth wrote:
I've been trying to think of a way Nauplius could run off with this one, and I'm relieved to say I can't think of one. That he doesn't do already, anyway. Or that wouldn't....

... nf. Nfbl. Geahahahahahahahahaha! Steal this one, Nauplius! Oh, please do!

Ah.... Maybe I shouldn't be able to laugh about him, considering, but gods it feels good.

Even though I hate your guts, I have to say, you have the cutest little laugh. Lol
Anyanka Funk
Doomheim
#8 - 2016-01-20 04:30:18 UTC
Dost thou even Lyft, brah?

This sounds awesome, I'm going to check them out!
Pieter Tuulinen
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#9 - 2016-01-20 21:29:52 UTC
Anyanka Funk wrote:
Dost thou even Lyft, brah?


Yes.

For the first time since I started the conversation, he looks me dead in the eye. In his gaze are steel jackhammers, quiet vengeance, a hundred thousand orbital bombs frozen in still life.
Ibrahim Tash-Murkon
Itsukame-Zainou Hyperspatial Inquiries Ltd.
Arataka Research Consortium
#10 - 2016-01-20 21:45:18 UTC
It's a good way to quickly lose five pounds. Or pints.

"I give you the destiny of Faith, and you will bring its message to every planet of every star in the heavens: Go forth, conquer in my Name, and reclaim that which I have given." - Book of Reclaiming 22:13
Elmund Egivand
Tribal Liberation Force
Minmatar Republic
#11 - 2016-01-22 02:12:08 UTC  |  Edited by: Elmund Egivand
Aria Jenneth wrote:
I've been trying to think of a way Nauplius could run off with this one, and I'm relieved to say I can't think of one. That he doesn't do already, anyway. Or that wouldn't....

... nf. Nfbl. Geahahahahahahahahaha! Steal this one, Nauplius! Oh, please do!

Ah.... Maybe I shouldn't be able to laugh about him, considering, but gods it feels good.


Fitness Tower. All slaves are required to LIFT! LIFT FOR THE RED GOD! LIFT!

MINMATAR SLAVES ARE GIVEN TO FLEX! FLEX YOU SUBHUMANS! FLEX THOSE BICEPS!

A Minmatar warship is like a rusting Beetle with 500 horsepower Cardillac engines in the rear, armour plating bolted to chassis and a M2 Browning stuck on top.
Deitra Vess
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#12 - 2016-01-22 03:15:52 UTC
Elmund Egivand wrote:
Aria Jenneth wrote:
I've been trying to think of a way Nauplius could run off with this one, and I'm relieved to say I can't think of one. That he doesn't do already, anyway. Or that wouldn't....

... nf. Nfbl. Geahahahahahahahahaha! Steal this one, Nauplius! Oh, please do!

Ah.... Maybe I shouldn't be able to laugh about him, considering, but gods it feels good.


Fitness Tower. All slaves are required to LIFT! LIFT FOR THE RED GOD! LIFT!

MINMATAR SLAVES ARE GIVEN TO FLEX! FLEX YOU SUBHUMANS! FLEX THOSE BICEPS!

"Blood of the brutor gives you strength."
Utari Onzo
Escalated.
OnlyFleets.
#13 - 2016-01-22 10:09:45 UTC
Literally. Facepalming.

"Face the enemy as a solid wall For faith is your armor And through it, the enemy will find no breach Wrap your arms around the enemy For faith is your fire And with it, burn away his evil"