EVE General Discussion

tldr: Flew a cepter in an escalating orgy of violence and whored with abandon last night, and then tried to explain my orgasmic experience at work.

The only warning I gave is a declaration that I was about to tell an Eve Online story. For some eyes glazed immediately, others held out until it was clear I wasn’t going to explain any jargon. A few stayed with me and followed my excitement if not my flow of words.

--
I got on comms and embraced a state of confusion. It’s not kosher to interrupt combat to vocally ask where’s the action.

“Fleet location?” I queried in fleet chat and then checked killboard and map for activity as I sat in the quickest-always-useful-ship-to-catch-up-with.

No hints in the chatter of alliance mates except a sense that it was low sec because of a comment about having brawling BCs with no logi and complaints about a pack of link buffed enemy logi.

No deaths displayed on our board in the previous fifteen minutes, but Akidagi had a decent sphere on the map so I undocked with glee for likely nearby PVP.

Pacific time, a late work shift, and a wife + kid limit my Eve window. So active combat so near my home system is an elixir to savor.

Complaints continued as I hopped closer and despite the death of a ship representing a fifth of my mates’ dps they gnawed on.

I love the tenaciousness of my alliance. We live up to the wolf head we’ve claimed as our banner.

A cerb popped in exchange for my fleets’ faction BC loss, and then I entered having correctly guessed the system. It was a pack of Gallente Militia and they resist despite heroic attempts to neut their logi.

With three other cepters I did kill a slicer. Light missiles pelted him, a death of a thousand--
--
“So your scepter shoots missiles?” says a coworker.
--
...We waited and caught their maller in Nennamaila. Well, my mates killed the maller. I was whoring on an Armageddon on the Akidagi gate in Aivonen that the Gallente fleet caught.

I pointed repped militia ship after repped militia ship as my fleet joined me. We fully engaged and ineffectively pounded. I flew as Icarus and got scramed/webbed and popped.

In shame I got my pod out and listened to the death grumbles of two more fleet BCs. My mates headed back home intent to return for a second round

I activated my Jita alt to buy and build a replacement and followed the militia on my main in a newb ship back into Akidagi.
--
“*** **** ****” Some inane question from a coworker that I ignore. Instead I gush about how the buy-all feature has changed my Eve-life.
--
I floated in my Impairor and scanned, providing my alliance mates with unnecessary updates. “They are still at the medium. Wait… no they are still at the medium…. Maller at the large, maulus at the sun, but the rest… still at the medium.”

They needed no egging. They got a spanking and were annoyed enough that they broke character to bring… a falcon.
--
“What’s a falcon,” says a coworker.

“It’s a PVP blue baller, even more so than a scimi.”
--
In our annoyance, we ignored experience and brought it anyway. Their response was to predictably hide within the medium and let a fellow militia thorax die at the large.

Impotently our BCs sat on the gate and I circled with them in a fresh mali. Our falcon went home in shame to change into a more engaging ship and then we got a fight at the large.
--
“*** **** ****” Some annoyance and expression of boredom.

“Well this is where it starts to get interesting,” I say. “It becomes a three way fight at the large with battleships joining.”
--
Real overkill with marauders, bhaalgron, legion and armageddon plus support to take on the militia t1 cruiser fleet, and I had to keep warping away from neuts killing my prop and point.

This really stirred up the Gallente ire so as the BS crew hopped into Nen they were assaulted by a revenge force that included a nightmare and a domi.

I love, I really really love killing nightmares. Seeing it engage on the gate had me salivating. I lost it. Deaf to anything going on in comms I just pointed that nightmare and tried to avoid the growing swarm of glorious chaos.

Little missiles went a whoring, but I kept my point on the faction battleship.
The militia meant business. They really wanted to break the bastioning marauders so carriers were called in. The beautiful cyno ball declared to all it was an open invitation and was accepted by a counter cyno that made it a sparkling occasion.

Drool poured out of my mouth like a broken fountain, and I sent missiles everywhere. The nightmare wasn’t dying, but a cepter mate shut down the micro jump of a Kronos trying to escape. We got to hear second hand how the pilot wailed on comms and my drool became a waterfall.

It jumped. Stunned, I was nearly caught by a passing crusader. I stopped whoring for a full minute as spectacular violence continued to unfold around me and followed, but the faction battleship was long gone, not even in local.

I hopped back and buried my sadness with points on dying militia battleships and capitals.
--

Tonight I write this about the night before instead of whoring on a gate in Placid (or Black Rise) because Eve is real.

Tomorrow HR will request an explanation for the hostile work environment. I am ready to admit I should have deaggressed in time to catch the nightmare on the other side instead of whoring uncontrollably with my missiles.

Ashamed.

Recently went for a week to a small island with off the Irish coast with my course,
now I'm a family man and happily so but a couple of the women were also mature students and one in particular needed her interest tempered.

I found talking about eve like the op did the job very well without insulting her,

she felt like it was her decision to lose interest in me and I will forever pine over what could never been (but rightly wasn't).

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that talking about eve in a sexual way is like kryptonite to hot women...Just a thought.


Edit: good story though I did actually like it.

as i said, people explicitly looking not to have sex.

I tried to explain EvE to friends and family in a attempt to recruit them.

I shall now post about how much sex I didn't get after talking about eve.

It's vital irl to speak just like you do in eve.

A well placed comment about aggression timers can tracking disrupt a pulsating woman.

A well placed bump can isolate a female roaming with an RR pack of friends, and then you can offer to web her into warp.

Don't forget about strategies for getting women to talk to you in the first place. I find that grocery stores are good for this. Just find an attractive woman, take something out of her cart and put it in yours. Then just circle her slowly until she aggros.

-1 Man point from you all.

i fear i may become a virgin again just by reading this thread.

i did giggle though.

I work with Nurses and Carers, Trying to explain EVE to them would be akin to asking for a mental capacity assessment, sectioning and possible incarceration in a padded room wearing a suit with wraparound arms.

Aint going to happen.

The extent of any conversation I have with my girlfriend goes like this:

Me: I played Eve last night.

Her: Did you build stuff or blow up nerds?

Me: I blew up nerds.

Her: That's cool. You wanna watch season five of Ally McBeal?

tdlr: some keywords will be better. Because eve is fiction or go to a shrink to help you out.