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EVE Jokes
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Alessienne Ellecon
Doomheim
#1 - 2015-09-19 03:28:19 UTC  |  Edited by: Alessienne Ellecon
What kind of snack can you get in Syndicate? Intaki Fried Chicken.


Your mum's so fat she could be fitted with her own jump drive.


Your mum's so stupid she's susceptible to entosis.


Your mum's so slow she could be outrun by a Mammoth at sublight.


Your mum's so ugly she wouldn't look out of place in a Sansha incursion.


Why was the Amarrian so bad at cricket? He kept hitting a golden duck.


How do you know if a Sigil has passed through Minmatar space? The gold trim is missing.


Where do Gallente women sleep? With anyone they want to.

"CONCORD are the space cops. If you attack someone in a high-security solar system, CONCORD will commit police brutality." - Encyclopedia Dramatica

If EVE is a PvP game, then Anti-Ganking is emergent gameplay.
Divine Entervention
Doomheim
#2 - 2015-09-19 03:30:44 UTC
Whatever corporation or alliance the hive mind thinks would be humorous to insult by implying they're a joke.
Alessienne Ellecon
Doomheim
#3 - 2015-09-19 04:44:27 UTC
How many EVE toons does it take to change a light globe?

Amarr: None, that's what house slaves are for.
Caldari: I don't work for free.
Gallente: I'd do it, but I've got a massive hangover and I can't find my clothes.
Minmatar: We're all out of those.
Goonswarm: Light globes are for pubbies.
CODE: Don't have a mining permit? We can gank you in the dark.
Rooks and Kings: Pipebombing gives us all the lighting we need.
I Whip My Slaves Back And Forth: Change that globe, slave!

"CONCORD are the space cops. If you attack someone in a high-security solar system, CONCORD will commit police brutality." - Encyclopedia Dramatica

If EVE is a PvP game, then Anti-Ganking is emergent gameplay.
Amyclas Amatin
SUNDERING
Goonswarm Federation
#4 - 2015-09-19 04:56:13 UTC
Wormholes are inexhaustible comedic value...

I'm want to probe your hole... I'm going to scan you down and move my ship in and out of you until you collapse!

For more information on the New Order of High-Sec, please visit: http://www.minerbumping.com/

Remember that whenever you have a bad day in EVE, the correct reponse is "Thank you CCP, may I please have another?"
Yang Aurilen
State War Academy
Caldari State
#5 - 2015-09-19 05:21:15 UTC
Alessienne Ellecon wrote:
How many EVE toons does it take to change a light globe?

Amarr: None, that's what house slaves are for.
Caldari: I don't work for free.
Gallente: I'd do it, but I've got a massive hangover and I can't find my clothes.
Minmatar: We're all out of those.
Goonswarm: Light globes are for pubbies.
CODE: Don't have a mining permit? We can gank you in the dark.
Rooks and Kings: Pipebombing gives us all the lighting we need.
I Whip My Slaves Back And Forth: Change that globe, slave!


You forgot

Eve Uni: 10 toons who passed the EVE uni course of light bulb changing that takes 4 years to complete.

Post with your NPC alt main and not your main main alt!
Tisiphone Dira
Garoun Investment Bank
Gallente Federation
#6 - 2015-09-19 07:47:59 UTC
At least buy me dinner first Amy, then snuggles.

There once was a ganker named tisi

A stunningly beautiful missy

To gank a gross miner

There is nothing finer, cept when they get all pissy
Xylem Viliana
homeless bum
#7 - 2015-09-19 07:57:14 UTC
Caldari have subcap drone boats.


Not talking pirate.
Herzog Wolfhammer
Sigma Special Tactics Group
#8 - 2015-09-19 08:06:38 UTC
Your momma is so fat she needs her own jump drive.

Your momma is so fat she sees a Revenant and wonders if she remembered to wipe.

Your momma is so fat she can bump a station.

Your momma is so fat she can collapse a wormhole in one pass.

Your momma is so ugly even Sansha wouldn't kidnap her.

Your momma is so ugly even the Imicus looks good around her.

Your momma is so dumb she puts stabs on frikkin raven.


Bring back DEEEEP Space!
La Rynx
School of Applied Knowledge
Caldari State
#9 - 2015-09-19 09:06:54 UTC
CODE.

Atomic Virulent : "You can't spell DOUCHE. without CODE."
La Rynx
School of Applied Knowledge
Caldari State
#10 - 2015-09-19 10:27:41 UTC
Alessienne Ellecon wrote:
How many EVE toons does it take to change a light globe?


How many EvE Players does it take to change a light bulb?
EvE Players: CHANGE???!?
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!11111elf111eleven!!

Atomic Virulent : "You can't spell DOUCHE. without CODE."
Val'Dore
PlanetCorp InterStellar
#11 - 2015-09-19 11:13:06 UTC
What did the Polarized Neutron Blaster Cannon say to yo momma?

You're irresistible.

Star Jump Drive A new way to traverse the galaxy.

I invented Tiericide
Giaus Felix
Doomheim
#12 - 2015-09-19 15:05:53 UTC  |  Edited by: Giaus Felix
Infinity Ziona.

I came for the spaceships, I stayed for the tears.
Rowells
Pator Tech School
Minmatar Republic
#13 - 2015-09-19 15:31:21 UTC
La Rynx wrote:
Alessienne Ellecon wrote:
How many EVE toons does it take to change a light globe?


How many EvE Players does it take to change a light bulb?
EvE Players: CHANGE???!?
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!11111elf111eleven!!

Damnit, beat me to it.
Webvan
All Kill No Skill
#14 - 2015-09-19 15:33:43 UTC
EVE is dying™ Lol

I'm in it for the money

Ctrl+Alt+Shift+F12
Ralph King-Griffin
New Eden Tech Support
#15 - 2015-09-19 18:15:42 UTC
Giaus Felix wrote:
Infinity Ziona.

*dogs barking in the background*
Giving you a stern non violent talking to .

Murderers of Negotiable Motivations

=]|[=
Cervix Thumper
Doomheim
#16 - 2015-09-19 18:24:28 UTC
topic *
Nyu Kaminari
Doomheim
#17 - 2015-09-19 22:53:58 UTC
What do you get when you drop a cow down a chimney? ....



... An Ashimmu
Bobb Bobbington
Rattini Tribe
Minmatar Fleet Alliance
#18 - 2015-09-20 01:59:38 UTC
So, ~5 years in the future, the forums are breaking because, over the years, frigate PvP has become broken, and all of the FW people are complaining about it. So, just to see, CCP took it to a video game doctor. After he inspected the meta, he had a grim look on his face. He went up to CCP, and said... "I don't like to break bad news, but, well... Eve has a horrible case of worms"

*badum-tis*

Yea, I know, that joked sucked, but it was the only one I could think of. Btw, I'm not a worm hater, just fit so well.

This is a signature.

It has a 25m signature.

No it's not a cosmic signature.

Probably.

Btw my corp's recruiting.
Bumblefck
Kerensky Initiatives
#19 - 2015-09-20 02:05:44 UTC
La Rynx wrote:
CODE.



NPC forum alts.

Perfection is a dish best served like wasabi .

Bumble's Space Log
Alessienne Ellecon
Doomheim
#20 - 2015-09-21 11:33:55 UTC
Yang Aurilen wrote:


You forgot

Eve Uni: 10 toons who passed the EVE uni course of light bulb changing that takes 4 years to complete.



University of Caille (English): Can someone please help the noob change his globe? I'm busy with this anomaly.
University of Caille (French): Quoi? Je ne le comprends pas! Ah, je m'en fous!
Royal Amarr Institute: Someone will end up doing it eventually, but the request to change the globe has to be (poorly) translated into Russian first.

"CONCORD are the space cops. If you attack someone in a high-security solar system, CONCORD will commit police brutality." - Encyclopedia Dramatica

If EVE is a PvP game, then Anti-Ganking is emergent gameplay.
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