EVE General Discussion

Any time Lan - don't forget to refer your friends and family for a little piece of pro bono counselling!


Bumble o7

Dearest Ayeipsia (do you have a sister calle Dyspepsia, by any chance?!).



I'm quite an urbane individual by nature, but I do get quite irritated when people try to get in the way of others making noodles. Ramen, pot noodles, udon, spaghetti, soba, what have you - if it's glutenicious and can be boiled, it's a winner!


Have you considered the possibility that these unfortunate individuals might be railing against something that they have not in fact tried?

Perhaps making a batch, loading it into your launchers, and firing it at their ships might just change their minds! Let me know how it goes!


Love,

Unkie Bumble

No doubt somebody else will, you can't keep things like that quiet for long

I think someone put some heavy drugs in crack i smoked....

What do...help....nevermind.

Dearest Vortexto,



I have never seen an android before...have you? Did it make inappropriate advances towards you at the Station pub? What happened? Do tell!



Regards,


Uncle Bumble

Dear Ishtanchuk,


I have opened my doors - and my couch! - to those capsuleers feeling the pressure of life in New Eden or to those under stress from their space woes, and I endeavour to try and help all I can :)

However, unless you have written in a code that I don't recognise - yet! - I would take a very firm stab in the dark and suggest that you are suffering from QWS, AKA Quafe Withdrawal Syndrome. This is a very serious business, and can ONLY be cured by IMMEDIATELY exchanging the pod goo in your capsule for QUAFE ULTRA. That's right, QUAFE ULTRA!

Your brain, now dependent on the electrolytes, hallucinogens and caffeine provided by this refreshing but deadly soft drink, has most definitely gone into a degenerative form of cognitive dissonance. The random nouns and adjectives prove this, and there is no rhyme or reason to your outburst (ok, that's not totally true, there is rhyme, and it is hip...).

Let me know how the fluid transfusion goes!


Best regards,


Uncle Bumble

Dearest Djee (may I call you Djee-Djee?),



In the wonderful sector of New Eden, we as a people have encountered many, many wonders: the EVE Gate, for example, or male Brutor exotic dancers. All of these are remarkable in their own way, but I would say that they all pale in comparison to that most heinous of social afflictions that you mention - carebearism!

It is not your fault, Djee-Djee - it is a disease, NOT A WAY OF LIFE (although some may confuse the two, as they will have travelled too far down the rabbit hole to see the difference). You however are different! You have recognised that there is something not quite right and you wish to fix it - well, my shipmate and confident, you are halfway there!

Your coma of which you speak is incredibly common among sufferers of carebearism (we shall refer to them as 'carebears', in the same way that people who suffer from leprosy are oft-referred to as lepers)...I have met many a capsuleer who has effectively become a Sansha zombie, mindlessly attacking blinking red crosses on their overview. When I can pull them away from it, and ask what they're doing, they always claim that "I'm just playing the game [holy goodness, they think it's a game!], why are you trying to spoil it for me, Mr. -5 Sec Status?"

It is at this point that I shake my head and assess the symptoms. These are but not limited to:

- obsessive risk-averseness
- pathological greed
- social solipsism
- sense of entitlement

These are the basic symptoms of carebearism, Djee-Djee, which you accurately recognise.

The treatment is simple (and you're already on the right road!):

Jettison the risk averseness as if it were a diseased slaver hound! Fly frigates, be blown up and don't cry about it! 'GG' in local, laugh and mock those who mock you in return! Don't be afraid to lose your possessions, for they are merely things, and they can be replaced - it is only your time, which you have hitherto squandered on shooting dumb rats, which can be wasted!

You may find that you are not quite as rich as before, as you were in your zombie state (or you may strike it rich on a piñata's exploding transport one day!)...but that's ok! You can return to your previous carebearist activities, safe in the knowledge that you're investing your time with them not for their own sakes, but only as a means to an end to participate in other, more fun and - possibly - more social activities!

Don't forget that all carebears are PVE players, but by no means all PVE players are carebears

Carebearism - a warped state of mind since 2003


Hope this helps Djee-Djee!


All the best,


Uncle Bumble

While I appreciate your willingness to help therapeutically...really I think the less said about what may or may not have happened in some vulnerable circumstances the better...

Dear Bumble.

Pod full Quafe Ultra. Everything too slow now. Help!

PS: 45 minutes to write message

I have had a sedate weekend planetside, and I have now returned to my Opus Luxury Yacht (with solid gold couch!), and I am ready to continue hearing your EVE problems!

Bumble