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Citizens submit petition to the Senate, demand President Roden act
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Muck Raker
Gutter Press
#1 - 2015-08-25 19:20:32 UTC
A number of Federal citizens today submitted a petition to the Federal Senate, demanding that President Roden take action against a menace that threatens the Federation.

Reptilian Were-Slavers.

The citizens believe that the threat posed by Reptilian Were-Slaver infiltration of the political apparatus of the Federation is significant enough, that immediate action is required !


Gutter Press spoke with some of the leaders of the group, who had this to say:

"I'm not saying that President Roden is a were-slaver, but until he submits to our non-invasive scans, we can't rule that possibility out, so it's best not to take that chance!", said the citizen, a sportball enthusiast.

"We need everyone in the Senate to prove that they're not a Reptilian Were-Slaver, otherwise, the foundations of our democracy could be undermined!", said another citizen, an exotic dance instructor.


Other citizens were less enthusiastic about the idea:

"What on Gallentia is a Reptilian Were Slaver ?", asked an Intaki Quafe vending machine repairman.

"Is it code ? do they mean people who are secretly Caldari ? I don't understand !", said a Jin-Mei citrus fruit importer.


Federal authorities were neutral about the citizens demands:

"It is every citizens right to petition the Senate about issues that they feel important." said a press officer for the Senate.

"People submit all sorts of damned nonsense. There was one wanting you to be Madam President, for example", said a Senate security officer.


Politics, it's a funny old game.


Gutter Press. The only news guaranteed not to be written by reptilian were-slavers.

Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours!
Jandice Ymladris
Aurora Arcology
#2 - 2015-08-25 19:45:26 UTC
I don't think Reptilian Were-Slavers are a thing nor real; The Senate will just have a laugh & move on.

However, if Reptilian Were-Slevers would be a thing, I fully expect Jacus Roden to be one of them! Look at that greenish skin, the glowy eyes! It ain't natural I tell you!

Providing a new home for refugees in the Aurora Arcology
Claudia Osyn
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#3 - 2015-08-25 19:51:12 UTC
Muck Raker wrote:

Gutter Press. The only news guaranteed not to be written by reptilian were-slavers.

I'm not sure if I can believe this.......

A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.
Skyweir Kinnison
Doomheim
#4 - 2015-08-25 20:31:07 UTC
I think we should be grateful that the Reptilian Were Slavers, and not Reptilian Are Slavers.

Clearly, it's possible to cease slavery, even among reptilians. Amarr can't be far behind.

Humanity has won its battle. Liberty now has a country.
Andreus Ixiris
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#5 - 2015-08-25 20:35:19 UTC
Muck Raker wrote:
Gutter Press. The only news guaranteed not to be written by reptilian were-slavers.

That's precisely what a reptilian were-slaver would say.

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.
Foley Aberas Jones
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#6 - 2015-08-25 21:04:35 UTC
Andreus Ixiris wrote:
Muck Raker wrote:
Gutter Press. The only news guaranteed not to be written by reptilian were-slavers.

That's precisely what a reptilian were-slaver would say.



THAT is EXACTLY what a reptillian were-slaver would say.
Andreus Ixiris
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#7 - 2015-08-25 21:08:48 UTC
Foley Aberas Jones wrote:
Andreus Ixiris wrote:
Muck Raker wrote:
Gutter Press. The only news guaranteed not to be written by reptilian were-slavers.

That's precisely what a reptilian were-slaver would say.



THAT is EXACTLY what a reptillian were-slaver would say.

And here, ladies and gentlemen, is an absolutely textbook example of something a reptillian were-slaver would say.

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.
Foley Aberas Jones
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#8 - 2015-08-25 21:11:50 UTC
Andreus Ixiris wrote:
Foley Aberas Jones wrote:
Andreus Ixiris wrote:
Muck Raker wrote:
Gutter Press. The only news guaranteed not to be written by reptilian were-slavers.

That's precisely what a reptilian were-slaver would say.



THAT is EXACTLY what a reptillian were-slaver would say.

And here, ladies and gentlemen, is an absolutely textbook example of something a reptillian were-slaver would say.


HA! You showed your handed you damn reptillian were-slaver! As that is something a reptillian were-slaver says everyday in a attempt to direct suspicion away from him!


You can't fool me...I KNOW YOUR PLANS!


Now take me to your leader!
Neph
Crimson Serpent Syndicate
#9 - 2015-08-25 21:13:46 UTC
What the hell is a reptilian were-slaver?

Sounds kinda like a Khanid.

~ Gariushi YC110 // Midular YC115 // Yanala YC115 ~

"Orte Jaitovalte sitasuyti ne obuetsa useuut ishu. Ketsiak ishiulyn." -Yakiya Tovil-Toba-taisoka
Andreus Ixiris
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#10 - 2015-08-25 21:21:28 UTC
Foley Aberas Jones wrote:
HA! You showed your handed you damn reptillian were-slaver! As that is something a reptillian were-slaver says everyday in a attempt to direct suspicion away from him!


You can't fool me...I KNOW YOUR PLANS!


Now take me to your leader!

HAH! I'VE GOT YOU, YOU SNAKE! THAT ENTIRE STATEMENT IS LITERALLY PAGE ONE OF IMPETUS PUBLISHING' "BRIEF GUIDE TO THINGS THAT REPTILIAN WERE-SLAVERS SAY!"

... wait. Wait, wait, hold on. Hold on just a minute.

Are we both reptilian were-slavers?

Oh man, this is super awkward.

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.
Foley Aberas Jones
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#11 - 2015-08-25 21:25:59 UTC
Andreus Ixiris wrote:
Foley Aberas Jones wrote:
HA! You showed your handed you damn reptillian were-slaver! As that is something a reptillian were-slaver says everyday in a attempt to direct suspicion away from him!


You can't fool me...I KNOW YOUR PLANS!


Now take me to your leader!

HAH! I'VE GOT YOU, YOU SNAKE! THAT ENTIRE STATEMENT IS LITERALLY PAGE ONE OF IMPETUS PUBLISHING' "BRIEF GUIDE TO THINGS THAT REPTILIAN WERE-SLAVERS SAY!"

... wait. Wait, wait, hold on. Hold on just a minute.

Are we both reptilian were-slavers?

Oh man, this is super awkward.



Uh...Yeah..........Um...


You wanna....Go hang out or something? There is a good place i know where we can get some good Human meat....
Evi Polevhia
Phoenix Naval Operations
Phoenix Naval Systems
#12 - 2015-08-25 21:30:42 UTC
I knew this was a set up for a new CalGal romcom.
Quattras Peione
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#13 - 2015-08-25 22:21:09 UTC
Reptilian Were-Slavers Don't Want You to Know This One Weird Trick

Dr. Quattras Alvar Peione

No, I'm not that kind of doctor.