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Proposed Solution to the Drifter Menace: Slaves
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Nauplius
Hoi Andrapodistai
#1 - 2015-07-06 11:48:30 UTC
I propose the following solution to the Drifter crisis:

  1. At the moment, the Drifters collect Empyrean corpses but do not have an interest in other food sources. They must be trained to prefer something else: Minmatar Slaves. Each pilot in New Eden should travel with a supply of Slaves in his cargo hold. When encountering Drifters at a stargate or station or Jove Observatory or other location, he should eject some of these Slaves into space and label the resulting jetcan something enticing, such as "Drifter Food" or "Eat Me" or whatnot.
  2. Once the Drifters have learned to accept Slaves, the Empress should negotiate immunity from Drifter attack on behalf of the Chosen People of God in return for a steady supply of Minmatar Slaves. Of course, slave breeding programs would have to be accelerated in order to account for the increased demand.


I see no downsides to this program. The sacrifice of Minmatar slaves is of no concern, for God has given that people over to destruction for their many crimes and rebellions against God and his Chosen. Amen. Amarr Victor.
Samira Kernher
Cail Avetatu
#2 - 2015-07-06 11:49:57 UTC
Just shut up.
Nauplius
Hoi Andrapodistai
#3 - 2015-07-06 11:52:59 UTC
Samira Kernher wrote:
Just shut up.


A former Minmatar slave (who never should have been freed in the first place) is not capable of objectively evaluating this proposal.
Liam Antolliere
Doomheim
#4 - 2015-07-06 11:55:05 UTC
I have a counter proposal.

An opportunity for you to be the hero of the cluster, Monsieur Nauplius.

The plan is simple: disable a Drifter battleship, board it and drop you off, disable all of your jump clones so you have nowhere to go and observe.

The rest of us will be able to ascertain how discerning the Drifters are in their choice of subject by whether or not they choose to make use of you or simply kill you.

You have the opportunity to convert them all to the faith.

Everyone wins.

For science!

"Though the people may hate me, that does not relieve me of my charge."
Trii Seo
Goonswarm Federation
#5 - 2015-07-06 12:23:18 UTC
Liam Antolliere wrote:
I have a counter proposal.

An opportunity for you to be the hero of the cluster, Monsieur Nauplius.

The plan is simple: disable a Drifter battleship, board it and drop you off, disable all of your jump clones so you have nowhere to go and observe.

The rest of us will be able to ascertain how discerning the Drifters are in their choice of subject by whether or not they choose to make use of you or simply kill you.

You have the opportunity to convert them all to the faith.

Everyone wins.

For science!


Missed your opportunity yesterday...

Proud pilot of the Imperium

Arek'Jaalan: Heliograph
Quin Mansa
Doomheim
#6 - 2015-07-06 13:37:46 UTC  |  Edited by: Quin Mansa
Once again you have shown that, in your self-imposed exile from the Light of the Almighty, you have robbed yourself of one of His greatest gifts: reason.

I do not presume to speak for Her Imperial Majesty, but I do not believe the Empress would ask us to forego the Reclaiming in order to provide succor to a tongueless aggressor. That you believe She would is evidence that you are still sick with sin.

Throw yourself to the foot of God, and beg for Salvation, else face the purification of His Light!

"Today, our future is in our hands, and His light shines down upon us." - Her Holiness Catiz I
Foley Aberas Jones
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#7 - 2015-07-06 14:03:51 UTC
Nauplius wrote:
I propose the following solution to the Drifter crisis:

  1. At the moment, the Drifters collect Empyrean corpses but do not have an interest in other food sources. They must be trained to prefer something else: Minmatar Slaves. Each pilot in New Eden should travel with a supply of Slaves in his cargo hold. When encountering Drifters at a stargate or station or Jove Observatory or other location, he should eject some of these Slaves into space and label the resulting jetcan something enticing, such as "Drifter Food" or "Eat Me" or whatnot.
  2. Once the Drifters have learned to accept Slaves, the Empress should negotiate immunity from Drifter attack on behalf of the Chosen People of God in return for a steady supply of Minmatar Slaves. Of course, slave breeding programs would have to be accelerated in order to account for the increased demand.


I see no downsides to this program. The sacrifice of Minmatar slaves is of no concern, for God has given that people over to destruction for their many crimes and rebellions against God and his Chosen. Amen. Amarr Victor.



Does this count as shitposting?

Because if it does then i accept the challenge of out shitposting you Nappy
Angelica Dreamstar
Aliastra
Gallente Federation
#8 - 2015-07-06 14:11:01 UTC
What about sex slaves specifically? They sell really well on the black market in Amarr, which is also biggest in the whole cluster, btw.

bingo, his pig not being a goat doesn't make the pig wrong, just him an idiot for shouting at his pig "WHY ARENT YOU A GOAT!" (Source)

-- Ralph King-Griffin, about deranged people playing EVE ONLINE
Aria Jenneth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#9 - 2015-07-06 14:23:32 UTC
Nauplius wrote:
I propose the following solution to the Drifter crisis:

  1. At the moment, the Drifters collect Empyrean corpses but do not have an interest in other food sources. They must be trained to prefer something else: Minmatar Slaves. Each pilot in New Eden should travel with a supply of Slaves in his cargo hold. When encountering Drifters at a stargate or station or Jove Observatory or other location, he should eject some of these Slaves into space and label the resulting jetcan something enticing, such as "Drifter Food" or "Eat Me" or whatnot.
  2. Once the Drifters have learned to accept Slaves, the Empress should negotiate immunity from Drifter attack on behalf of the Chosen People of God in return for a steady supply of Minmatar Slaves. Of course, slave breeding programs would have to be accelerated in order to account for the increased demand.


I see no downsides to this program. The sacrifice of Minmatar slaves is of no concern, for God has given that people over to destruction for their many crimes and rebellions against God and his Chosen. Amen. Amarr Victor.

/facepalm
Johanes Beaumonte
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#10 - 2015-07-06 14:49:04 UTC
*connects*

"You forgot something."

*Clears this throat*

"And also... Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!"


*pulls out a cigar and puffs it furiously as he disconnects*
Aria Jenneth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#11 - 2015-07-06 15:07:02 UTC  |  Edited by: Aria Jenneth
Johanes Beaumonte wrote:
*connects*

"You forgot something."

*Clears this throat*

"And also... Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!"


*pulls out a cigar and puffs it furiously as he disconnects*


Thanks, Mr. Beaumonte.

I just couldn't work up the enthusiasm.
Sammie MacWinters
Gradient
Electus Matari
#12 - 2015-07-06 16:29:03 UTC
Shut up Nauplius.
Michael Pawlicki
Mouth Trumpet Cavalry.
Mouth Trumpet Cavalry
#13 - 2015-07-06 16:54:31 UTC
Trii Seo wrote:
Liam Antolliere wrote:
I have a counter proposal.

An opportunity for you to be the hero of the cluster, Monsieur Nauplius.

The plan is simple: disable a Drifter battleship, board it and drop you off, disable all of your jump clones so you have nowhere to go and observe.

The rest of us will be able to ascertain how discerning the Drifters are in their choice of subject by whether or not they choose to make use of you or simply kill you.

You have the opportunity to convert them all to the faith.

Everyone wins.

For science!


Missed your opportunity yesterday...


Speaking of that opportunity, how did everything go?
Anyanka Funk
Doomheim
#14 - 2015-07-06 17:44:27 UTC
This won't work. Slaves are usually not clones. Clones have pure organic and inorganic parts unlike diseased drug ridden slaves. Good try Nauplius, but I think red god just wants us to purify the filth in sacrificing it to god alone, not giving it to something other than god.
Valerie Valate
Church of The Crimson Saviour
#15 - 2015-07-06 18:30:54 UTC
I have a better solution.

1. Construct a giant laser.

Doctor V. Valate, Professor of Archaeology at Kaztropolis Imperial University.
Claudia Osyn
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#16 - 2015-07-06 18:33:19 UTC
This again? Nauppie, I thought we taught you better then this. Minmatar are friends, not food.

A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.
Anyanka Funk
Doomheim
#17 - 2015-07-06 18:44:40 UTC
Claudia Osyn wrote:
This again? Nauppie, I thought we taught you better then this. Minmatar are friends, not food.


We're versatile.
Andreus Ixiris
Duty.
Stay Feral
#18 - 2015-07-06 18:57:05 UTC
Valerie Valate wrote:
I have a better solution.

1. Construct a giant laser.

Holy crap, Valerie Valate wrote something I actually agree with.

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.
Corraidhin Farsaidh
Federal Navy Academy
Gallente Federation
#19 - 2015-07-06 21:07:30 UTC
It would be hilarious if Nauplius turned up with a hold full of slaves and it turned out the Drifters have issues with the Amarr because they hate slavery...
Diana Kim
Kenshin Katana.
United Caldari Space Command.
#20 - 2015-07-06 21:14:09 UTC
Can't be used inside Caldari territory: using, transporting, owning, holding slaves or being a slave inside Caldari State space is prohibited.

Support: denied.

Honored are the dead, for their legacy guides us.

In memory of Tibus Heth, Caldari State Executor YC110-115, Hero and Patriot.
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