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Trinkets Friendly Wormhole Advice Column

First post
Author
Kellie Dusette
Division 13
#41 - 2014-11-20 14:08:52 UTC
Andrew Jester wrote:
Dear Trinket,

What do I need to do to keep a Dusette around :c?


Why you speak for name this "keep around"?

Your head very many funny!
Andrew Jester
Collapsed Out
Pandemic Legion
#42 - 2014-11-20 16:01:15 UTC
Kellie Dusette wrote:
Andrew Jester wrote:
Dear Trinket,

What do I need to do to keep a Dusette around :c?


Why you speak for name this "keep around"?

Your head very many funny!


You not attractive like sister so it okay. Maybe in many moon you be look okay. No today. Need many work.

If thuggin' was a category I'd win a Grammy

Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#43 - 2014-11-21 06:33:57 UTC
Janeway84 wrote:
Hello TF!

How would you fit out a Onyx for flying around in black hole space Twisted
For general pvp use, dps etc.


Dear Janeway of The Enterprise,

The Onyx should be done as a dualprop in BH effect holes. Your only real threats in these holes are Orthrus and Serpentis ships, the former due to it's already cray-cray point range, luxurious fitting capabilities (100MN MWD + 10MN MWD fits anyone?), and high missile DPS. The latter bring decent webs to the field, which can be a pain, but considering you will likely coast out of any web and scram range, it is important to maintain momentum as much as anything else.

I would therefore say that a dual prop setup is the way to go, with perhaps T2 Low Friction Nozzle Joint rigs to assist you with maintaining agility, which allows you to slingshot foes. If you are being overhauled, I'd suggest playing around with the bubble as a kind of air brake, overheating to get the cycle time down, then ABing or MWDing in the opposite direction, to break tackle.

eg; MWD speed in C6 BH 5 = 2768m/s with MWD, 730 with WDG on. AB 1168m/s, 565 with WDG. 20s OH cycle time.

LFNJ's drop your MWDing align time from 15.7 to 11.9s.

568 DPS with rage, 37.8km range
387 DPS with Javs, 68km range

[Onyx, Blaxploitation]

Damage Control II
Ballistic Control System II
Ballistic Control System II
Ballistic Control System II

Adaptive Invulnerability Field II
Large Shield Extender II
Large Shield Extender II
EM Ward Field II
Federation Navy 10MN Afterburner
10MN Microwarpdrive II

Heavy Assault Missile Launcher II, Scourge Rage Heavy Assault Missile
Heavy Assault Missile Launcher II, Scourge Rage Heavy Assault Missile
Heavy Assault Missile Launcher II, Scourge Rage Heavy Assault Missile
Heavy Assault Missile Launcher II, Scourge Rage Heavy Assault Missile
Heavy Assault Missile Launcher II, Scourge Rage Heavy Assault Missile
Warp Disruption Field Generator II

Medium Low Friction Nozzle Joint II
Medium Low Friction Nozzle Joint II

Worth a shot,

TF

Andrew Jester wrote:
Dear Trinket,

What do I need to do to keep a Dusette around :c?


Dear Jester of Autist Prime,

Whilst you appear to have an internet man-crush on the avatar of another player on EVE, this is in fact a bizarre form of pro-Ana sexual transferrence. Whilst it seems natural to you, you are actually in love with a two dimensional rendering of a very thin imaginary woman, which is unnatural. My extensive research on the internet, with Google safe search turned off for maximum scientific veracity, has led me to conclude that there is indeed a large proportion of the internet populated by what can only be termed most euphemistically "rubenesque" ladies of a lingerie wearing variety.

I can only suggest that unless your bandwidth is constrained in some fashion, there is nothing wrong with downloading images of ladies who resemble more the Appenine hills (bathed in a kind of pink skin motif) than a toast rack with a bra upon it. Indeed, today's gaming computer market supports extra wide-screen format for this very reason, for ladies are the same height (in pixels) laying down, but may vary in width from 2080 to 3800 pixels - and it is toward these that you ought direct your attention and moisturising creme usage, in order to break your obsession with ladies who resemble knitting needles in thigh-high boots.

I hope that this advice breaks the Curse of Onan which lies upon thee. Remember, Bob is with you always. Cloaked.

Dearly yours,

TF
Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#44 - 2014-11-26 00:34:31 UTC
Borg Unit 099 wrote:
Trinkets,

I hear that CCP is going to nerf ISBoxer. I would like to get your opinion on this, as you are a vocal critic of ISBoxer in the paast, and today must surely be a dream for you.

Regards,

Borg Unit 099


Dearest Borg Unit 099, and 98 friends,

I am a nature lover like the rest of us. I fight hard to protect the environment of EVE, and preserve endangered species, restore habitat to its purest and unsullied original form. I certainly do my part in asteroid preservation, eliminating roid exploiting bots at the first opportunity. I do much conservation work in the field of Sleeper Drone Conservation, dealing with Sleeper poachers on a day to day basis, be it ganking them in sites, baiting them at planets in my totes legit Nereus, or spawning all the sites in every wormhole I enter to urinate in their cookware.

I will be sad to see the hordes of ISBoxeers go. They are a fantastic addition to all habitats of EVE, and I refer you to this documentary on how amazing it is to watch, for instance, the schooling behaviour of a fleet of IS Boxing Ishtars, Machariels, Hulks, bombers or Tornados, be they ganking you, ganking roids, or indeed ganking a whole system of Incursion sites.

However, being a true conservationist, as beautiful as it is to watch a game being destroyed by input multiplexing software, pushing up PLEX prices, resulting in a guy running 40 Skiffs and 20 security Oracles, alphaing ice belts in highsec and preventing the noobs from even accessing content, as with any ecosystem if a species becomes dominant it is incumbent upon the game wardens to cull the species so it does not throw the ecosystem out of whack.

True, we may see a rise in mineral prices as a result of the low-end abusers being petitioned and banned - after all, mining with 6 alts in hisec isn't harming too many. But we must take the good with the bad.

I hope you can accept that whilst introducing the wolf to eat deer may seem barbaric, it helps the ecosystem, from the grass to the birds to the insects.

Regards,

TF
Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#45 - 2014-11-28 02:54:46 UTC
Quote:
Dear TF,

What is with this baloney about Bob the Wormhole God?

Sincerely,

Skeptical in Skarkon


Dearest Skeptical in Skarkon,

Bob IS the Wormhole God.

Bob is the Unseen Eye who looks at you always, always behind you, cloaked, watching your every move. He sees your sins - your AFKing in the gas site, your abandoned Tractors, your poorly defended POS.

He is the Fist That Closes. He crushes all your holes, he grips you with fear, and strangles your logistics.

He is the Unknown Cloaca who simultaneously gives birth to all gankers and defecates on you when you collapse yourself out.

He is the Unending Cloak which hides all Daggers.

He is the Clock which awakes the Sleepers and expireth the Static. He is the Wandering Connection, who brings you the unusual content which you crave.

He is the summoner of the Tengu and the Golem, the POCO bashing dreadnought, the mining Chimera.

You may not worship him, but others do. Dark, sinister conclaves gather in the night, bloody cults hell-bent on farming pod goo from Herons, Imicii and Magnates. These evil brothers of Bob crave the ambiotic fluid in your pod, especially frosted like an ice cone, and leave sacrifices at the foot of monolithic altars at the centre of certain terrifying stars in the deep, dark forgotten places of Anoikis.

Today I bring you a documentary of these dark, sinister terror cultists erecting one of these evil altars
.

Hail Bob!

TF

Utari Onzo
Gallius Family Estates
#46 - 2014-11-29 18:29:38 UTC
Dear Trinket.

I have recently lost my second Archon in less then the same number of months in glory of Bob. Should I now biomass my carrier character as I'm obviously a triage 'bad'?

"Face the enemy as a solid wall For faith is your armor And through it, the enemy will find no breach Wrap your arms around the enemy For faith is your fire And with it, burn away his evil"

QT McWhiskers
Brave Newbies Inc.
Brave Collective
#47 - 2014-11-29 22:47:57 UTC  |  Edited by: QT McWhiskers
Dear Trinkets.

I humbly request the service oh dear friend of trinkets, former alliance mate and comrade in arms in the holy service of bob, to formally instruct a loyal servant of bob as he shakes loose his celestial bonds and floats down to the terrestrial plane. What must a devoted acolyte of bob do as he breaks away from his ethereal form and transmutes into his mundane corporeal existence.

Shall he still preach the gospel of bob to the unwashed masses or should he work quietly to further bobs message. Or is the tranmutation a sin in the eyes of bob. Oh dear friend of trinkets. One who has made this transformation before how shall I proceed. I humbly await your inspired and wise response.



Qt McWhiskers.
Araikas Rhal
Hair-Trigger
#48 - 2014-11-30 10:52:29 UTC  |  Edited by: Araikas Rhal
Dear TF
While trying to close a unfriendly WH once, i was told by my girlfriend i was doing it wrong. I was using a Dominix, which are almost as wide as they are long, so, i thought anyway, and obvious choice as it not only penetrates the hole, but touches most of the sides as well. She brought out her own Geddon, much longer then the Domi of course, but not nearly so shapely.
After a bit of thought i was hoping you could tell me which shape works best in your opinion? (Personally i think a bit of a "circular" motion made with the ship during entry would more then make up for any length *erm* shortcomings..............#vector of the ceptor vs. size of that which flies.
EDIT: Jokes on her, i just went through another hole while she was sleeping.

I played other games in my past life. I must have done something wrong to be re-incarnated as an Eve player.

Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#49 - 2014-12-01 00:59:54 UTC
QT McWhiskers wrote:

eerie noises such as would be made by a disembodied spirit come to haunt the forums after he apparently quit the game and made his own stag thread as if anyone remembers him


An Obituary,

High Priest QT McWhiskers, Beloved of Bob, Defender of the Faith, Closer of Holes and Shanker of the Lower Alimentary Tract, hath left us today.

I knew him well, but not in that way if you catch my drift.

He had a good life. He began his career as a mere zygote, floating in a metal egg in space, merely a pale skinny salamander typre creature with 150,000 skill points and a civilian miner I. We know him as he was most recently; as a lapsed forum troll, devotee of wormhole ganks, slayer of my former Main (now on-sold, and himself unsubbed, may he rest in pieces), ower of debts to none and choker on wang for nobody.

His achievements are manifold. He killed 2109 duders, and got killed 107 times, a blazing testament to the power of logi. He died 60 billion ISk before clocking a cool trillkill but at least managed to ninja depot refit enough meta-0 modules to have lost only 26 billion in ISK. Again a resounding testament to the skill of a guy who never flew with less than 20 guys on his wings.

As we feel sad in his passing, dear Spacefriends, we should not dwell upon the fact he has moved on to greener pastures, hairier poonani, or indeed clean shaven, actual paychecks and perhaps the mythical "mature adulthood". Do not mourn his passing, instead celebrate his midlife crisis which is nearly upon him, where he will be plagued by the eternal dilemma of the hetero white male - the latest model Mustang, or last year's? The convertible BMW, or the AMG 63 SLK? That wall-eyed sure-fire bet in the corner of the dancefloor with the stumpy leg and slight moustache, or the five dollar hooker? Such are the rewards to the beloved of Bob when they sublimate this menial existence and move on to bigger and better things.

So bow your heads in reflection, and observe a minutes no-trolling for dearest QT McWhiskers.
Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#50 - 2014-12-01 01:02:35 UTC

Araikas Rhal wrote:
Dear TF
While trying to close a unfriendly WH once, i was told by my girlfriend i was doing it wrong. I was using a Dominix, which are almost as wide as they are long, so, i thought anyway, and obvious choice as it not only penetrates the hole, but touches most of the sides as well. She brought out her own Geddon, much longer then the Domi of course, but not nearly so shapely.
After a bit of thought i was hoping you could tell me which shape works best in your opinion? (Personally i think a bit of a "circular" motion made with the ship during entry would more then make up for any length *erm* shortcomings..............#vector of the ceptor vs. size of that which flies.
EDIT: Jokes on her, i just went through another hole while she was sleeping.


Dearest Araikas Rhal of Hedaleolfarber (or however you spell it),

I enjoy a stiff Armageddon is space peen pun as much as the next man, say no more, say no more! I always looked upon the Hyperion as a phallic marital aid with a ring upon it for her pleasure, and many have likened it to a butt plug. The Thorax hull itself is perhaps a small immature or pygmy wang - however, pygmy is an archaic and at times derogatory term so we should refer to them as Autochthons as is proper.

In all this discussion of holes and oddly shaped ships penetrating them, sliding back and forth from one side to the other, one must think of the pleasure gained by the wormhole in the congress of intercourse. We are of course space gentlemen and considerate lovers of wormhole orifices, so i shall take a quote from Space Cleo Magazine, from an article entitled "Ten Kinky Captains Quarters Secrets For Loving Your Wormhole"

1. Foreplay
Wormholes need a lot of time to go Stage 3. If she isn't in the mood, or you are too big, you may need to get her depolarized first. Orbit her entrance for five or ten minutes before trying to plunge inside.

2. Food play.
Nothing is hotter than drizzling chocolate sauce on your wormhole! leave tidbits of food lying around for your partner(s) to eat, such as a doubletapped orca.

3. Virgins require tempting
if your lover(s) are particularly shy, anchor a bubble and leave cans or corpses floating at the edges, or at about 7.5km to decloak your lover before engaging in coition.

4. Be gentle!
Your lover may be too small for your fleet members to fit through, which can be frustrating, so you may have to slip something smaller through. Most Class 1 ladies only accept medium sized members, but some only accept small members. For such tight situations, you can try a HIC, with a bit of wriggling!

5. Tackling
If your lovers are kinky you may want to tie them down with webs. Be a Daredevil and keep them from collapsing away with your 90% webs and instant lock time. Some lovers have a secret Rapier fantasy!

6. Blindfolds!
Remember, a bit of mystery is essential to spice up your love life in and out of the wormhole. Pack a cloak. The anticipation will have your lover tingling all over as she goes to work in the mines in her Mackinaw, and never knows when you'll leap out of the closet to ravish her.

7. Roleplay
Kinky fun can be had by taking on roles you would not normally do! Put on a costume, act out a charade, and see if your lovers are turned on by the act! Favorites are Nereus the Slutty PI Maid, the Dirty Mining Ferox, the Fuel Truck Orca and Sven the Site Running Pool Cleaner Nightmare, come to clean your C2 sites with his bulging Pith X-type XLSB.

8. Toys!
While rarely seen, a few kinky tools can be used to great effect to get reluctant lovers all hot and tackled. D-scan inhibitors, mobile microjump drive units and even suspicious mobile depots 300km off a POS are all sexy, kinky means of engaging in sexy fun-times!

9. Novel positions
Try one of the following positions and see if your lover is interested:
(images censored)

10. Bring a friend!
Solo PVp is so boring and difficult and unrewarding sometimes. Try spicing up your love life by bringing in a second lover to the wormhole. It is best if they are a logi bro, or maybe a neuting legion. But remember to play safe and wear a Falcon!
Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#51 - 2014-12-02 23:36:22 UTC
Utari Onzo wrote:
Dear Trinket.

I have recently lost my second Archon in less then the same number of months in glory of Bob. Should I now biomass my carrier character as I'm obviously a triage 'bad'?


Dear Mr Onzo,

I have looked at your killboard, and concluded that you could only have lost your Archons in PVE. Losing two Archons in two months in PVE is due to an imbalance in your humours. This is probably due to an excess of the bilious humour, which is caused by an accumulation of corpses in the bile duct.

You should donate the price of a TCU to the Orphans of Bob Charity fund run by Ai Fonulique Yapussai of Unknown monument Archaeology Division, who will then endeavour to bring said TCU to your wormhole and anchor it at the sun as an Altar of Bob.

If you sacrifice enough corpses to Bob at the Altar of Bob, you should see an improvement in your Archon survivability.

Darth Bex
Boundless Exploration
#52 - 2014-12-05 03:23:34 UTC
Dear Trinkets,

My CEO has a single minded obsession with a sexually inappropriate naming convention for fleet vessels that has led some to question the integrity of his frontal lobe and just what he is doing with all of the pod goo we harvest. Whilst we all enjoy bathing in the glory of pod goo to honour Bob [Hail Bob!], the idea that it is being used as a friction relief agent is quite distressing and dishonours the memory of our fallen foes.

Surely such transgressions will anger Bob and lead to our demise?

Bex.
Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#53 - 2014-12-06 00:00:37 UTC
Darth Bex wrote:
Dear Trinkets,

My CEO has a single minded obsession with a sexually inappropriate naming convention for fleet vessels that has led some to question the integrity of his frontal lobe and just what he is doing with all of the pod goo we harvest. Whilst we all enjoy bathing in the glory of pod goo to honour Bob [Hail Bob!], the idea that it is being used as a friction relief agent is quite distressing and dishonours the memory of our fallen foes.

Surely such transgressions will anger Bob and lead to our demise?

Bex.


Dear Traitorous Cur,

This is an issue of deuteronomic conflict in the scripture of Bob.

The Scriptures of Bob are received in ten Epistles,with the Epistle to Osoggur of most relevance to the discussion of podding. The Epistle to Osoggur was written in YC115 by Brother Bert to the residents of the Osoggur Gate, a site of great harvesting of pod goo, the Nectar of Bob. Brother Bert wrote to the Pilgrims (but mostly to the Rokhs) in Amamake, discussing the philosophical basis for the harvest of pod goo from believers and unbelievers; he was of course addressing his letter to uncaring k-space oafs in PL in an attempt to convert them to w-space living, but his fervor and faith is unquestioned.

In the Epistle of Osoggur, Brother Bert discusses not only the proper method for harvesting pod goo, but he treatment of corpses;

"If thee findeth a pod in the space, capture it with bubble, point or web
Crack open the pod as if an egg, using the Scorch, the Hail, the Rage or the Void

Taketh the body of thine enemy as an offering, as if it were the Body of Bob
Treat the corpse of your fallen with respect, rejoice in the implants destroyed

Reserve the biomass for thy hearth station, leave it not floating free in the cold vacuum
Floating corpses disrespect thy foe, discomfit the wandering explorer and annoy the Sleepers

Bathe deep in the ambiotic fluids thus liberated, baptise thyself, and arise anew, anointed, blessed"


However, in the Epistle of Tama, written YC 116 by an unknown scholar, the canonical basis for the practise of bathing in pod goo is questioned. This author spawned a sub-cult of the Church of Bob which glories in the dessiccation, freeze-drying the corpses for the creation of Space Bonito, the finely-shaven corpsemeat of capsuleers sprinkled on rice, which reputedly has a distinct umame flavour. This cannibalistic cult of despicable untermensch focuses on the cuisine of pod goo;

Capsuleer Gumbo

Ingredients:
1 x Pod, bubbled
1 x Sabre, cloaked
1 x Surgical warp disrupt probe, deployed
1 x Crate of Spirits
1 x Long Limbed Roes
1 x Dandruff
1 x Pax Amarria
1 x Test Bong
1 x Livestock
1 x Miasmos, Higgs rigged
1 x Crash Booster

Wait for the Surgical Warp Disrupt probe to expire, and bring in the Miasmos. Into the Misasmos place the Long Limbed Roes, finely chopped, and stew with a Crate of Spirits. Season with Dandruff and grate 3 pages from the Pax Amarria into the broth. Butcher the livestock, and add the bones and hoof to the broth.

Take your bubbled pod and open it with the Sabre. Rip the capsuleer from the inside and deploy at the farthest POCO for at least 1 hour until properly freeze dried. Take a kitchen mandoline and finely shave the dessicated flesh of the corpse, to create your finely shaven Space Bonito.

From the pod next take the goo, Nectar of Bob, Chicken Soup to the Soul. Pour a portion into the Test Bong. Smoke a dose of Crash Booster, and bubble through the pod goo. Swill that Nectar in your mouth, taste the flavour of Victory, but beware the manky flavour of the Bear, and test for the bitter flavour of the veteran.

Adjust your Space Gumbo to taste by seasoning with Space Bonito and mixing in appropriate measures of pod goo to balance the bittervet with the sweet and innocent newbie, and the musky carebear.

Serves 12-20 Gate Campers


Therefore, there is much conjecture about the canonical method of treating the pod goo. Personally, i use it to treat my eczema and mix it with the tears of my enemies to create a range of anti-ageing face creams. perhaps the rubbing of the lotion on the skin which you see me doing is unrelated to the risque and tittilating naming of my ships and my use of pod goo is more related to dermatological testing than some onanistic hand cream purpose.

Regards,
TF
Generaloberst Kluntz
Viziam
Amarr Empire
#54 - 2014-12-10 13:12:38 UTC
Dear Friend of Trinkets:
Three in a row.
1. Is there any secret hardwire that'd prevent silly AFKness after football-induced Canadian brain trauma? (see AFK Moros J122 loss from a friend)
2. Are there any metaphysic transcendental means of controling one's rage when you come home from a 48h shift and have to download a patch at 50kbps, yet recieving [can't log, run 3x repair.exe, redownload full 15 giga client, delete some directories, run 5x repair.exe' .............. 'can't log yet, silly] messages?
3. How many Barrage S stacks does one need in order to fix Jester's face?

Ty in advance,

Your lowlife scrublord from
AnalogTom Rotineque
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#55 - 2014-12-11 18:02:16 UTC
How many gallons of tears should i drink daily to maintain my health?

I have a liquid nitrogen cooled fedora storage unit. Test me.

Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#56 - 2014-12-12 00:42:14 UTC
Generaloberst Kluntz wrote:
Dear Friend of Trinkets:
Three in a row.
1. Is there any secret hardwire that'd prevent silly AFKness after football-induced Canadian brain trauma? (see AFK Moros J122 loss from a friend)
2. Are there any metaphysic transcendental means of controling one's rage when you come home from a 48h shift and have to download a patch at 50kbps, yet recieving [can't log, run 3x repair.exe, redownload full 15 giga client, delete some directories, run 5x repair.exe' .............. 'can't log yet, silly] messages?
3. How many Barrage S stacks does one need in order to fix Jester's face?

Ty in advance,

Your lowlife scrublord from


Dear Generaloberst Kluntz, of some random mobile depot in the back blocks of Aridia,

There is no limit to the amount of fixing which jester's face must undergo, for his is the face of Proteus, ever mutable from the effects of headdesk and genetic malformations. one may ' fix' his face in the morning and see it unfixed in the afternoon. indeed, his face is a moebius strip of ugliness; when one analyses his countenance and catalogues the myriad and infinite ways it disturbs the beholder, one firstly runs out of epithets and curses, then ways to equate it to the backsides of various beasts of burden, and comes back around to the start of the list.

indeed, the best thing to do is to not attempt to fix jester's face, but to accept it for what it is - a potent force of nature, dredged up from the stinking black mud at the bottom of the Rivery Styx like some rotten fossilised bone of an extinct ten-anused jackalope precursor, sent into the world to make even fat basement dwelling nerds like ourselves feel sexy and smart and suave.

As fr your AFK problems, one must refer to the fate of Noah, the last antediluvian patriarch. Besides living 950 years (it's a fact, look it up) and siring three sons, who were all younger and/or older than one another and ran whole nations because that's what you do when you're the son of a 950 year old dude, Noahwas one for the wine. Jesuit scholars in the middle ages theorised that Satan put a curse into wine, caused by mixing the blood of some animal with the juices of the grape, which caused intoxication. In Canada, you brew beer with beaver blood, and are thus cursed to have hockey riots, and therefore lose dreads.

Blame not yourself, and begin drinking imported beer. Satan has not cursed Australian beer the same as he has cursed Labatts. I recommend something from Tasmania, where the brewers have two heads and hat factories make twice the profit. Sozzle thine self with good beer and you will be capable of staying at keyboard long enough to get home safely.

Regards,

TF

Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#57 - 2014-12-17 00:17:59 UTC
AnalogTom Rotineque wrote:
How many gallons of tears should i drink daily to maintain my health?


Dear Ananlog Tom Rotineque, of no fixed abode,

I am loathe to give dietary advice, as i am no dietician. However, the health benefits of tears is well-known. They are a superfood, like chia seed, kale and goji berries, with great advantages in taming free radials in the blood, and other potentially deleterious molecules which may cause cancer, ageing and general malaise.

It is not well recorded, but the classic parable of the Three Billygoats Gruff, where three goats are crossing the bridge controlled by the wicked troll, is in fact best reinterpreted as a mid-Victorian era Norwegian dietary policy document.

The Troll in this case is a sedentary individual, much like your average EVE player. He is wicked, evil, smelly, fat, warty of nose and slavering of drool, mostly of which is caked with mud (aka cheetos dust and dried ejaculate). The troll lives under a bridge, in this case taken to be his mother's basement, and is renowned for eating all who pass across his bridge, which in EVE vernacular, is typically the Gonditsa, Tama, Hagilur or Amamake gates.

The three Billygoats, reported in local by the Troll's " totes innocuous" alt sitting in highsec on the gate in a shuttle, can be seen to be haulers, going about their business. the first jumps into Local in a Wreathe, and says " Do not gank me, O wicked Troll, for I have no valuable cargo, and my brother is coming, he is in an Orca and carries much loot!' so the Troll lets him go.

The second Billygoat jumps in, and is duly scrammed by the Troll in his Ashimmu-Execquror leet PVP combo, and claims the same thing - " O wicked troll, do not gank me, for i have merely a load of PI crud, and my third brother, he cometh this way in a Bowhead!" and the troll, who is not greedy enough, lets him go.

Finally the third Billygoat jumps in, in a Bowhead, and the Troll attempts t gank him, easily tanking the gate guns by virtue of having no life, an Execquror alt, and chronic asthma from the mold in his basement. However, he finds himself scrammed and webbed by the Bowhead, who pins him down 15km off the gate, and the third Billygoat has 750K EHP somehow, what a shock, and suddenly there's people piling through the gate and the Troll is down an alt, an Ashimmu and his killboard looks stupid.

While of course a fantasy scenario, this tale goes to show - you should drink what tears you can, and seek not to ever increase your tear aupply. As with anything, drink in moderation.
Andrew Jester
Collapsed Out
Pandemic Legion
#58 - 2014-12-17 00:45:36 UTC
Generaloberst Kluntz wrote:
3. How many Barrage S stacks does one need in order to fix Jester's face?


I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE WHY ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO STEP UP YOU CANT HANDLE IT SON DO YOU SEE THIS FACE ITS THE FACE OF A MAN WHO HAS SLAUGHTERED COUNTLESS EMPIREBITCHES TRYING TO STEP TO THE GURISTAS GET AT ME

If thuggin' was a category I'd win a Grammy

Generaloberst Kluntz
Viziam
Amarr Empire
#59 - 2014-12-17 01:08:05 UTC
You do look a bit better from afar now
Candi LeMew
Division 13
#60 - 2014-12-17 01:20:13 UTC
Generaloberst Kluntz wrote:
You do look a bit better from afar now

Through these goggle he still looks (and sounds) like the same lovable r*tard I married.

🍌

Remember... in Anoikis Bob Is Always Watching...

"I been kicked out of better homes than this" - Rick James