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Please tell me a story..

First post
Author
Big Lynx
#1 - 2014-10-26 11:04:11 UTC
.. about Captain's Quarter and Sound in Eve, because I can't remember.
Mharius Skjem
Guardians of the Underworld
#2 - 2014-10-26 11:11:51 UTC
There is no sound in eve. Don't listen to the rumours.

A recovering btter vet,  with a fresh toon and a determination to like everything that CCP does to Eve...

Don't take me too seriously though, I like to tease a bit on the forums, but that's only because I love you...

Erin Crawford
#3 - 2014-10-26 11:18:22 UTC
Big Lynx wrote:
.. about Captain's Quarter and Sound in Eve, because I can't remember.


knock, knock...

(there, I did both in one)
Roll

"Those who talk don’t know. Those who know don’t talk. "

Hicksimus
Torgue
#4 - 2014-10-26 19:43:13 UTC
I just wanted to tell you that here in Canada we have a term for a door that never has opened and never will open. That term is wall.

Recruitment Officer: What type of a pilot are you? Me: I've been described as a Ray Charles with Parkinsons and a drinking problem.

KnowUsByTheDead
Sunlight...Through The Blight.
#5 - 2014-10-26 19:52:09 UTC
Once....

CCP plotted with the Legion Of Doom to erase EvE from existence with micro-transactions.

The overwhelming power of the capsuleer force instead set them on a collision course with apathy.

So the Legion focused on their new co-venture with CCP...DUST 514.

It didn't quite end badly, but it made a lot of bunnies upset. They still exist as a dying race, still subhuman to the mighty capsuleer.

Now the latest co-venture is obviously Project: Legion (coincidence? Shocked) and the next cycle of their attempt at world domination begins........

The End.

Big smileCoolPirate

Stories cost 500m isk. I await the fruits of my labor.

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

Yang Aurilen
State War Academy
Caldari State
#6 - 2014-10-26 20:34:30 UTC
Big Lynx wrote:
.. about Captain's Quarter and Sound in Eve, because I can't remember.


Once upon a time, mama Crowd and papa Control met at the Production bar. It was love at first sight and they made lots of babies with Second Genesis being the first. Then in 2011 they gave birth to a healthy expansion called Incarna. Incarna was a sad child for Crowd since Incarna never grew to the expectations of the many and thus prompted a mob to maul Crowd and Control at the Production bar during a night out. The couple got out alive but was injured over 20% of their staff and had to get them removed. Do not worry though child for Crowd and Control still live fullfilling lives and Crowd is expecting Phoebe to come out soon. Let's all hope for the best people.

Post with your NPC alt main and not your main main alt!

stoicfaux
#7 - 2014-10-26 20:49:11 UTC
Big Lynx wrote:
.. about Captain's Quarter and Sound in Eve, because I can't remember.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hivuFa3hH4

Pon Farr Memorial: once every 7 years, all the carebears in high-sec must PvP or they will be temp-banned.

ShahFluffers
Ice Fire Warriors
#8 - 2014-10-26 21:37:08 UTC
Big Lynx wrote:
Please tell me a story about Captain's Quarter and Sound in Eve, because I can't remember.

CCP were doing pretty good... then they drank too much of their own kool-aid and began to believe. 18 months later they came out with Incarna and were promptly dunked in the frigid waters of Reykjavik's harbor by the playerbase.

Suddenly sober... CCP realized how Microsoft felt when it created Windows 2000/ME... and that the Ballmer Peak is tricky to maintain.


And obligatory "EVE has sound?"
Ima Wreckyou
The Conference Elite
The Conference
#9 - 2014-10-26 21:39:45 UTC
If the door opens in the CQ and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
Xavier Holtzman
Sith Interstellar Tech Harvesting
#10 - 2014-10-26 21:50:39 UTC  |  Edited by: Xavier Holtzman
Did I ever tell you the story about the man who taught his ******* to talk? His whole abdomen would move up and down you dig farting out the words. It was unlike anything I ever heard.

This ass talk had sort of a gut frequency. It hit you right down there like you gotta go. You know when the old colon gives you the elbow and it feels sorta cold inside, and you know all you have to do is turn loose? Well this talking hit you right down there, a bubbly, thick stagnant sound, a sound you could smell.

This man worked for a carnival you dig, and to start with it was like a novelty ventriliquist act. Real funny, too, at first. He had a number he called “The Better ‘Ole” that was a scream, I tell you. I forget most of it but it was clever. Like, “Oh I say, are you still down there, old thing?”

“Nah I had to go relieve myself.”

After a while the ass start talking on its own. He would go in without anything prepared and his ass would ad-lib and toss the gags back at him every time.

Then it developed sort of teeth-like little raspy in-curving hooks and started eating. He thought this was cute at first and built an act around it, but the ******* would eat its way through his pants and start talking on the street, shouting out it wanted equal rights. It would get drunk, too, and have crying jags nobody loved it and it wanted to be kissed same as any other mouth. Finally it talked all the time day and night, you could hear him for blocks screaming at it to shut up, and beating it with his fist, and sticking candles up it, but nothing did any good and the ******* said to him: “It’s you who will shut up in the end. Not me. Because we dont need you around here any more. I can talk and eat and ****.”

After that he began waking up in the morning with a transparent jelly like a tadpole’s tail all over his mouth. This jelly was what the scientists call un-D.T., Undifferentiated Tissue, which can grow into any kind of flesh on the human body. He would tear it off his mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly and grow there, grow anywhere on him a glob of it fell. So finally his mouth sealed over, and the whole head would have have amputated spontaneous ... except for the eyes you dig. Thats one thing the ******* couldn’t do was see. It needed the eyes. But nerve connections were blocked and infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldn’t give orders any more. It was trapped in the skull, sealed off. For a while you could see the silent, helpless suffering of the brain behind the eyes, then finally the brain must have died, because the eyes went out, and there was no more feeling in them than a crab’s eyes on the end of a stalk.


-William Burroughs

I do not like the men on this spaceship. They are uncouth and fail to appreciate my better qualities. I have something of value to contribute to this mission if only they would realize it. - Bill Frug

Vyl Vit
#11 - 2014-10-27 04:54:55 UTC  |  Edited by: Vyl Vit
Once upon a time an obviously bored miner decided to solicit entertainment on the EVE Online forum in order to not fall asleep while staring at asteroids and hypnotic laser beams. Before the aforesaid forum post was locked for several rules violations (not the least of which was the post serving no discernible, useful purpose) Vyl Vit merrily posted to it, thus extending the fatally doomed thread.

Paradise is like where you are right now, only much, much better.

ISD Decoy
ISD Community Communications Liaisons
ISD Alliance
#12 - 2014-10-27 14:17:14 UTC
Quote:
23. Post constructively.

Negative feedback can be very useful to further improve EVE Online provided that it is presented in a civil and factual manner. All users are encouraged to honestly express their feelings regarding EVE Online and how it can be improved. Posts that are non-constructive, insulting or in breach of the rules will be deleted regardless of how valid the ideas behind them may be. Users are also reminded that posting with a lack of content also constitutes non-constructive posting.

Thread locked.

ISD Decoy

Captain

Community Communication Liaisons (CCLs)

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