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In-Game Events and Gatherings

 
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Post a joke in this thread and 1 person will get 100,000,000.00 isk
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Cormack Vajaa
Doomheim
#81 - 2014-08-09 19:17:54 UTC
I was salvaging a wreck for ages with no luck the other day.. until the Mim pilot convo'd me and asked to leave him alone..
Glathull
Warlock Assassins
#82 - 2014-08-09 19:48:29 UTC
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

I honestly feel like I just read fifty shades of dumb. --CCP Falcon
Brutus Le'montac
#83 - 2014-08-09 20:25:58 UTC
Glathull wrote:
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."



and the punchline is..........???

Thought is dangerous; lack of thought, deadly!
Glathull
Warlock Assassins
#84 - 2014-08-09 20:29:01 UTC
Brutus Le'montac wrote:
Glathull wrote:
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."



and the punchline is..........???



The Aristocrats!!!

I honestly feel like I just read fifty shades of dumb. --CCP Falcon
Soloman Jackson
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
#85 - 2014-08-09 20:39:54 UTC
Jonny wakes up on a Monday, ready for the school day ahead.

SHOW AND TELL!

He thought as he put on his close and readied himself to go. He didn't know wha to bring so he asked his mom for help.

"Take Chomper, your turtle." his mom said with a smile.

THATS IT! he thought as he hurried upstairs and snatched his turtle from the tank.

On the way to school he decided to let Chomper walk for a bit because he was about to be cooped up in his schoolbag all day.
Jonny ran across the street and called after Chomper.

"C'mon Chomper! You can do it!" He yelled as the turtle was crossing the road. Just then a huge truck came through running over the back half of Chomper, smashing his shell.

Jonny cried as he scooped up his turtle and ran to school. He ran through the doors and down the hall, directly up to his teachers desk.

"Teacher!" Jonny said while sobbing, "This truck.. it came along and ran over my turtles a$$hole!" He continued to cry.

"Rectum." His teacher corrected.

"Wrecked 'em hell! It freakin killed 'em!" Jonny said to the teacher as he ran outta the room.

“The cold stars spun to the ancient rhythm, the august march of an everlasting symphony. They are old, the stars, and their memory is long.” -Rick Yancey
Glathull
Warlock Assassins
#86 - 2014-08-09 21:30:11 UTC
Holgrak Blacksmith wrote:
So three rabbis and a leprechaun are trekking across the desert. So they trek all day, then they camp out for the first night, and they're camped out, and a tarantula makes a move on the leprechaun. So the first rabbi picks up a canteen of water and throws it at the tarantula, and knocks the tarantula out, so they're all safe and everything's cool. Then they get up the second day and they trek all day, then they camp out for the second night, and they're camped out, and a rattlesnake starts going after the leprechaun. So the second rabbi picks up a box of matzoh and throws it at the rattlesnake and knocks it out, so they're safe and everything's okay. Then they get up on the third day and trek all day, then they camp out for the third night, and on the third night, a scorpion starts attacking the leprechaun. So the third rabbi walks into a bar and orders a double scotch and a milkshake. He drinks the double scotch and pours the milkshake in his pants. Then he gets a second set of drinks, and this time he drinks the milkshake and pours the double scotch in his pants. Then he gets a third set of drinks, and this time when the bartender turns his back, the elephant just takes off, running down the highway, knocking over telephone poles and smashing cars and small trucks, and by the time he gets to the tollbooth the first duck asks, "Hey, would you pass the soap?" But before the second duck can even answer, the cop BURSTS into the bathroom carrying the monkey. But the monkey gets loose, right? And he runs into the kitchen and starts smashing all the dishes and bending all the forks and spoons. And by the time the dentist catches the monkey again, the leprechaun shoves the scorpion up the third rabbi's ass.



I am taking this joke to the bar with me tonight. It is going to obtain sex for me. This is, by far, the best joke ever.

I honestly feel like I just read fifty shades of dumb. --CCP Falcon
Paranoid Loyd
#87 - 2014-08-09 22:00:48 UTC
Beaker FTW!

"There is only one authority in this game, and that my friend is violence. The supreme authority upon which all other authority is derived." ISD Max Trix

Fix the Prospect!
Christopher Mabata
Northern Accounts and Systems
#88 - 2014-08-10 03:35:37 UTC
Contest or not i've been meaning to get a hold of some good Fish puns

if you hear any let minnow

♣ Small Gang PVP, Large Fleet PVP, Black Ops, Incursions, Trade, and Industry ♣ 70% Lethal / 30% Super-Snuggly / 110% No idea what im doing ♣

This Message Brought to you by a sweet and sour bittervet
NightCrawler 85
Phoibe Enterprises
#89 - 2014-08-10 05:07:52 UTC
Hasikan Miallok
Republic University
Minmatar Republic
#90 - 2014-08-10 06:01:32 UTC
Big Lynx
#91 - 2014-08-10 11:18:04 UTC  |  Edited by: Big Lynx
A CODE. merc went on his daily suicide gank. He checked some belts and there he found a group of mackinaws mining. He locked one and shot. After the smoke disappeared, he realized that he missed the mackinaw and suddenly he was sourrounded by a fleet af HACs. The FC said, "Hey you little merc, situation is simple, either I gonna f*** you, or I gonna kill you." Out of desperation the merc surrendered, "Well, alright, go ahead..."

Angry and humiliated he the merc returns to his home system, thinking of revenge. His first target was this pervert FC he wanted to hunt down now. The next day he jumped back into the belt looking for him and after checking two belts he found him mining. The merc locked him and unloaded his whole arsenal of torpedoes and bombs on the mackinaw.
After the smoke disappears he realized that he missed the mackinaw again and suddenly the fleet of HACs was around him.
The FC gave him choice again, "Hey you little merc, situation is simple, either I gonna f*** you, or I gonna kill you."
After the dreadful scenario took place the FC released him.

The next day the merc was filled with anger and he was exhausted and he returned with a full officer fit Marauder to kill them all.

He scanned them down and rushed into the belt, firing all he had.

After the smoke disappeared he realized that he missed the mackinaw again and was horrified.

Suddenly the FC appeared next to him and said with a cynical grin: "Hey merc, let's be honest now. Are you really here for hunting?"
Riot Girl
You'll Cowards Don't Even Smoke Crack
#92 - 2014-08-10 11:27:36 UTC
CSM. Thanks.

Oh god.
Billy McCandless
Zacharia Explorations Group
#93 - 2014-08-10 14:39:49 UTC
a mane wawks in too a boochers

"kan aye hav haff a pownd of kiddleys"

the boocher he say "downt yoo meen kidneys"

the mane say "thar what aye sey diddle eye"

"Thread locked for being deemed a total loss." - ISD Ezwal
Riot Girl
You'll Cowards Don't Even Smoke Crack
#94 - 2014-08-10 15:05:24 UTC
Billy McCandless wrote:
a mane wawks in too a boochers

"kan aye hav haff a pownd of kiddleys"

the boocher he say "downt yoo meen kidneys"

the mane say "thar what aye sey diddle eye"

I'm proud of you.

Oh god.
Lina Alar
Royal Amarr Institute
Amarr Empire
#95 - 2014-08-10 17:07:06 UTC
Glathull wrote:
Holgrak Blacksmith wrote:
So three rabbis and a leprechaun are trekking across the desert. So they trek all day, then they camp out for the first night, and they're camped out, and a tarantula makes a move on the leprechaun. So the first rabbi picks up a canteen of water and throws it at the tarantula, and knocks the tarantula out, so they're all safe and everything's cool. Then they get up the second day and they trek all day, then they camp out for the second night, and they're camped out, and a rattlesnake starts going after the leprechaun. So the second rabbi picks up a box of matzoh and throws it at the rattlesnake and knocks it out, so they're safe and everything's okay. Then they get up on the third day and trek all day, then they camp out for the third night, and on the third night, a scorpion starts attacking the leprechaun. So the third rabbi walks into a bar and orders a double scotch and a milkshake. He drinks the double scotch and pours the milkshake in his pants. Then he gets a second set of drinks, and this time he drinks the milkshake and pours the double scotch in his pants. Then he gets a third set of drinks, and this time when the bartender turns his back, the elephant just takes off, running down the highway, knocking over telephone poles and smashing cars and small trucks, and by the time he gets to the tollbooth the first duck asks, "Hey, would you pass the soap?" But before the second duck can even answer, the cop BURSTS into the bathroom carrying the monkey. But the monkey gets loose, right? And he runs into the kitchen and starts smashing all the dishes and bending all the forks and spoons. And by the time the dentist catches the monkey again, the leprechaun shoves the scorpion up the third rabbi's ass.



I am taking this joke to the bar with me tonight. It is going to obtain sex for me. This is, by far, the best joke ever.

Scorpion venom + leprechaun = portal to circus hell

An explanation of Eve socialization: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTbgvYPVdXE

Lick with your main™
Sirinda
Ekchuah's Shrine Comporium
#96 - 2014-08-10 21:16:20 UTC
Glathull wrote:
Brutus Le'montac wrote:
Glathull wrote:
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."



and the punchline is..........???



The Aristocrats!!!


Seriously? Nobody got this? And I'm not even a native speaker.
Aiwha
School of Applied Knowledge
Caldari State
#97 - 2014-08-10 21:31:02 UTC
SMA

Sanity is fun leaving the body.
Herzog Wolfhammer
Sigma Special Tactics Group
#98 - 2014-08-10 22:05:02 UTC
Three priests died and went to Heaven.

St. Peter asks the priests "How many times did you have sex?".

"Never" says the first priest. So St. Peter gives him the keys to a Rolls Royce to drive around in Heaven.

"Once" says the second priest. St. Peter gives him the keys to a new Chevy truck to drive around Heaven.

"Ten times" says the third priest. So he gets a beat up old Datsun with a dragging muffler to drive around Heaven.


One day the priest with the Datsun is at a corner laughing himself silly and the other priests pull alongside him.

"What's wrong?" the priests ask.

"I just saw the Pope go by on roller skates!"

Bring back DEEEEP Space!
111kartel111
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Caldari State
#99 - 2014-08-10 22:18:41 UTC
Guy walking down the road noticed a dude having relations with a sheep that had it head stuck in the fence. The dude turns around and says hay buddy ya want some of this ?. The guy on the road yells back I sure do and promptly runs down and sticks his head in the fence.
Clyde Barrows
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
#100 - 2014-08-10 22:36:03 UTC
I was checking gas meters one day in a Republic Fleet housing development . I knocked on the door of this house and a little minmatar boy came to the door , I ask him if I could talk to his parents about their service . He said dad was at work in the mines , and mom was out back . I said ok lead the way outback to mom . Well , there was mom outback down on her knees and a goat was pouring it to her . I was shocked . I turned to the child and asked if his mom did this all the time ? He looked at me and said naaaahhhh ( goat bleating sound ) .