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Post a joke in this thread and 1 person will get 100,000,000.00 isk

Author
Paranoid Loyd
#41 - 2014-08-08 20:42:36 UTC
LUMINOUS SPIRIT wrote:
Misty Allure wrote:
Post a joke in this thread and get 100mil isk.


This.


This

"There is only one authority in this game, and that my friend is violence. The supreme authority upon which all other authority is derived." ISD Max Trix

Fix the Prospect!

Christopher AET
Lethal Injection Inc.
Pandemic Legion
#42 - 2014-08-08 20:44:50 UTC
I am forming an army of condiments

It'll be a while til they are fully mustard

I drain ducks of their moisture for sustenance.

Deacon Abox
Black Eagle5
Villore Accords
#43 - 2014-08-08 20:44:59 UTC
a joke

CCP, there are off buttons for ship explosions, missile effects, turret effects, etc. "Immersion" does not seem to be harmed by those. So, [u]please[/u] give us a persisting off button for the jump gate and autoscan visuals.

Bel Tika
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#44 - 2014-08-08 20:55:37 UTC
A little girl came running into the house bawling her eyes out and cradling her hand: “Mummy, quick! Get me a glass of cider!” she wailed.

“Why do you want a glass of cider?” asked her mum.

“I cut my hand on a thorn, and I want the pain to go away!”

Confused, but weary of the child’s whining, the mother obliged and poured her a glass of cider. The little girl immediately dunked her hand in it.

“Ouch! It still hurts! This cider doesn’t work!” she whined.

“What are you talking about?” asked mum, “What ever made you think that cider would ease your pain?”

“Well, I overheard my big sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can’t wait to get it in cider”
Slade Trillgon
Brutor Force Federated
#45 - 2014-08-08 20:59:56 UTC
Which came first? The hen or the egg?
























Neither. The rooster Twisted
Bel Tika
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#46 - 2014-08-08 21:00:07 UTC
Did you hear about the panto that was held in aid of the Schizophrenia Association? It descended into chaos when someone shouted "He's behind you!"


How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the ‘F’ word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!
Holgrak Blacksmith
Prophets of Motav
#47 - 2014-08-08 21:07:45 UTC
So three rabbis and a leprechaun are trekking across the desert. So they trek all day, then they camp out for the first night, and they're camped out, and a tarantula makes a move on the leprechaun. So the first rabbi picks up a canteen of water and throws it at the tarantula, and knocks the tarantula out, so they're all safe and everything's cool. Then they get up the second day and they trek all day, then they camp out for the second night, and they're camped out, and a rattlesnake starts going after the leprechaun. So the second rabbi picks up a box of matzoh and throws it at the rattlesnake and knocks it out, so they're safe and everything's okay. Then they get up on the third day and trek all day, then they camp out for the third night, and on the third night, a scorpion starts attacking the leprechaun. So the third rabbi walks into a bar and orders a double scotch and a milkshake. He drinks the double scotch and pours the milkshake in his pants. Then he gets a second set of drinks, and this time he drinks the milkshake and pours the double scotch in his pants. Then he gets a third set of drinks, and this time when the bartender turns his back, the elephant just takes off, running down the highway, knocking over telephone poles and smashing cars and small trucks, and by the time he gets to the tollbooth the first duck asks, "Hey, would you pass the soap?" But before the second duck can even answer, the cop BURSTS into the bathroom carrying the monkey. But the monkey gets loose, right? And he runs into the kitchen and starts smashing all the dishes and bending all the forks and spoons. And by the time the dentist catches the monkey again, the leprechaun shoves the scorpion up the third rabbi's ass.
Dorian Wylde
Imperial Academy
Amarr Empire
#48 - 2014-08-08 21:09:41 UTC
A baby seal walks into a club
Dirk Magnum
Spearhead Endeavors
#49 - 2014-08-08 21:30:24 UTC
Q: what's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: the Holocaust.

Oops

                      "LIVE FAST DIE." - traditional Minmatar ethos [citation needed]

Eugene Kerner
TunDraGon
The Initiative.
#50 - 2014-08-08 22:05:40 UTC
A lanky Caldari walks into a bar...

The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"










The Caldari - incapable of understanding the concept of humor - draws his sidearm and shoots the bartender in the face.

TunDraGon is recruiting! "Also, your boobs [:o] "   CCP Eterne, 2012 "When in doubt...make a diȼk joke." Robin Williams - RIP

Scipio Artelius
The Vendunari
End of Life
#51 - 2014-08-08 22:26:48 UTC  |  Edited by: Scipio Artelius
A Gallente, Caldari and Matar are working on an industry team together constructng capital parts.

Each day they sit together high up at the top of the structure for lunch.

One day the Gallente looks at his food and say "Ughh. Roes sandwich. Always the same. If I ever get this again I'm going to jump off here to my death".

The Caldari sitting next to him looks at his lunch and exclaims "Ughh, same here. Roes sandwich too. I'll join you if it happens to me too."

The Matari looks and his lunch and confirms the same thing.

Next day they meet again for lunch and sure enough, same sandwiches. The Gallente jumps to his death. The Caldari does the same, followed by the Matar.

The funerals are held a few days later and their partners each stand to give a Eulogy.

The partner of the Gallente in her speech says "If only I'd known he didn't like Roes sandwiches. I would have packed something different."

The Caldari's partner in her speech exclaims "If only I'd known he didn't like Roes sandwiches, I would have packed him something different."

Finally the partner of the Matar delivers her speech. Devastated she says "He packed his own lunch"
Kagura Nikon
Native Freshfood
Minmatar Republic
#52 - 2014-08-08 22:30:14 UTC
The tempest if the best balanced ship in eve!

"If brute force does not solve your problem....  then you are  surely not using enough!"

Sibyyl
Garoun Investment Bank
Gallente Federation
#53 - 2014-08-08 22:47:28 UTC
Courtesy of a coworker..

There's a band called 1023MB.















They haven't had any gigs yet.

Joffy Aulx-Gao for CSM. Fix links and OGB. Ban stabs from plexes. Fulfill karmic justice.

Arsia Elkin
PIE Inc.
Praetoria Imperialis Excubitoris
#54 - 2014-08-09 00:53:58 UTC
Why did the fish fall off of the bicycle?

It's a fish.

"To know the true path, but yet, to never follow it. That is possibly the gravest sin"

  • The Scriptures, Book of Missions 13:21
Remiel Pollard
Shock Treatment Ministries
#55 - 2014-08-09 01:07:28 UTC
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plough?

Give her a shovel.

“Some capsuleers claim that ECM is 'dishonorable' and 'unfair'. Jam those ones first, and kill them last.” - Jirai 'Fatal' Laitanen, Pithum Nullifier Training Manual c. YC104

Brutus Le'montac
#56 - 2014-08-09 01:09:57 UTC  |  Edited by: Brutus Le'montac
in the light of the current wh events:

How many EVE players does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change it, and 300,000 to whine and moan on the forums on how it's unbalanced and that the last one was better.

How many members of CCP does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Ten. One to post on the forums about the new lightbulb, one to write a dev blog about how the new lightbulb is awesome, seven to frantically build the lightbulb, and one to stand there shouting "IT'LL BE OUT SOON (tm)

whats the best eve joke?
Incarna

A hauler was on his way to lowsec, when a pirate appeard out of the shadows, he locked him, and started shooting, but the hauler got away.
the next day the hauler does the same route, same pirate at the same gate, locks again, starts shooting, but the hauler warps off.
the next day same thing happens, this time the hauler starts a private convo with the pirate and asks him:

you do know i keep warping away right? arent you missing something?
after which the pirate replies: yeah, i think i quit, i dont see a point in it.

Thought is dangerous; lack of thought, deadly!

RoAnnon
Native Freshfood
Minmatar Republic
#57 - 2014-08-09 04:32:51 UTC
A Gallente, a Caldari, and a Minmatar are sitting at a bar. Each orders a drink from the bartender. When the drinks arrive, there is a fly in each.

The Gallente turns up his nose and slides the glass away from him.

The Caldari frowns, plucks the fly from his drink, and flicks it away, proceeding to sip his drink.

The MinMatar grabs the fly from the glass, holds it inches from face and yells "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!!"

So, you're a bounty hunter. No, that ain't it at all. Then what are you? I'm a bounty hunter.

Broadcast4Reps

Eve Vegas 2015 Pub Crawl Group 9

Houston EVE Meet

Najenna
Caldari Deep Space Ventures
Brothers of Tangra
#58 - 2014-08-09 04:35:11 UTC
What does Nascar stand for? Non Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks. Lol
Herzog Wolfhammer
Sigma Special Tactics Group
#59 - 2014-08-09 06:34:31 UTC
Scipio Artelius wrote:
A Gallente, Caldari and Matar are working on an industry team together constructng capital parts.

Each day they sit together high up at the top of the structure for lunch.

One day the Gallente looks at his food and say "Ughh. Roes sandwich. Always the same. If I ever get this again I'm going to jump off here to my death".

The Caldari sitting next to him looks at his lunch and exclaims "Ughh, same here. Roes sandwich too. I'll join you if it happens to me too."

The Matari looks and his lunch and confirms the same thing.

Next day they meet again for lunch and sure enough, same sandwiches. The Gallente jumps to his death. The Caldari does the same, followed by the Matar.

The funerals are held a few days later and their partners each stand to give a Eulogy.

The partner of the Gallente in her speech says "If only I'd known he didn't like Roes sandwiches. I would have packed something different."

The Caldari's partner in her speech exclaims "If only I'd known he didn't like Roes sandwiches, I would have packed him something different."

Finally the partner of the Matar delivers her speech. Devastated she says "He packed his own lunch"



Big smile Excellent!

Bring back DEEEEP Space!

shimiku
Zircron Industries
Kairiola Federation
#60 - 2014-08-09 09:25:49 UTC
want a joke just look at you CEO