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Post a joke in this thread and 1 person will get 100,000,000.00 isk
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Misty Allure
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#1 - 2014-08-08 18:14:02 UTC  |  Edited by: Misty Allure
Ends at 18.30 Eve. Make me laugh. Prizes paid out!

Edit. Any tedious Eve connection gets you extra credit. Go Go GO!

New contest ends 19.30 Eve. One entry per person.
Paranoid Loyd
#2 - 2014-08-08 18:18:49 UTC
I named my hard drive "dat ass," so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."

"There is only one authority in this game, and that my friend is violence. The supreme authority upon which all other authority is derived." ISD Max Trix

Fix the Prospect!
Jenn aSide
Soul Machines
The Initiative.
#3 - 2014-08-08 18:19:59 UTC
Misty Allure wrote:
Ends at 18.30 Eve. Make me laugh.

Edit. Any tedious Eve connection gets you extra credit. Go Go GO!


Xenuria, Erotica1 and Dinsdale walk into a bar.....

And that's it. What did I win?
Misty Allure
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#4 - 2014-08-08 18:21:22 UTC
Jenn aSide wrote:
Misty Allure wrote:
Ends at 18.30 Eve. Make me laugh.

Edit. Any tedious Eve connection gets you extra credit. Go Go GO!


Xenuria, Erotica1 and Dinsdale walk into a bar.....

And that's it. What did I win?


At this point..

2nd place :)
Cyrus Mierre
The Forsaken Legion
#5 - 2014-08-08 18:22:50 UTC
What's E.T. short for?






Coz he's got stumpy legs.
ShahFluffers
Ice Fire Warriors
#6 - 2014-08-08 18:24:37 UTC  |  Edited by: ShahFluffers
A Firbolg goes to the RnD agent, looking ill, and says "I really don't feel well, I am tired all the time, I dont know what to do"

So the RnD agent says "Well, let me take a bit of your hull and I will send it off for tests"

Next week the Firbolg returns, still complaining of the same symptoms, and the agent has some bad news: "There is no easy way to say this... but you are HIV positive"

The Firbolg is shocked. "HIV!! I am a fighter! Not a lover! How can that possibly be?!"

The RnD agent solemnly replies "I am sorry... but one of your parents must have been a carrier."



edit: since the OP has already heard the above joke...


How many CCP DEVs does it take to change a light bulb?

One to make a forum post informing the players of the change, one to lock the thread about the change after it reaches 50 pages of rage, one to make a new thread about the change, one to make a DEV blog about the change and how it is awesome but is still in the "Soon" status of happening, one to test it internally, one to implement the change itself as it was originally mapped out despite all input saying that it is actually quite faulty, and one DEV to yell at the other DEVs that the players found a way to remotely make the light bulb turn on and off using a blender.

How did you Veterans start?
SFM Hobb3s
Perkone
Caldari State
#7 - 2014-08-08 18:25:03 UTC
So some FC told me....4 guys are in a lifeboat. They have 5 cigarettes but no lighter. What do they do?

They throw the 5th ciggy in the water and make the boat a cigarette lighter.
Sibyyl
Garoun Investment Bank
Gallente Federation
#8 - 2014-08-08 18:25:40 UTC
As the first Gallente is brought to the wall he looks past the firing squad and cries out, "SANDSTORM!!!!" In the ensuring confusion he makes his escape.

The second Gallente enjoys the success of his friend and decides to try the same thing. And as he is brought to the wall he looks over the firing squad and shouts "TIDAL WAVE!!!" In the ensuring confusion he too makes his escape.

The Matari is amazed by the escapes and wants to try the same thing, except as he is brought to the wall he looks past the squad and shouts "FIRE!!!"

Joffy Aulx-Gao for CSM. Fix links and OGB. Ban stabs from plexes. Fulfill karmic justice.
Paranoid Loyd
#9 - 2014-08-08 18:26:48 UTC
I tried water polo but my horse drowned.

"There is only one authority in this game, and that my friend is violence. The supreme authority upon which all other authority is derived." ISD Max Trix

Fix the Prospect!
Jenn aSide
Soul Machines
The Initiative.
#10 - 2014-08-08 18:28:47 UTC
Sibyyl wrote:
As the first Gallente is brought to the wall he looks past the firing squad and cries out, "SANDSTORM!!!!" In the ensuring confusion he makes his escape.

The second Gallente enjoys the success of his friend and decides to try the same thing. And as he is brought to the wall he looks over the firing squad and shouts "TIDAL WAVE!!!" In the ensuring confusion he too makes his escape.

The Matari is amazed by the escapes and wants to try the same thing, except as he is brought to the wall he looks past the squad and shouts "FIRE!!!"


I actually lul'd
Herzog Wolfhammer
Sigma Special Tactics Group
#11 - 2014-08-08 18:29:36 UTC  |  Edited by: Herzog Wolfhammer
Your mother is so fat, her capsule looks like a large gas container.

Your mother is so dumb, she put out a buy order for paint to put in her target painter.

Your mother is do dense, she can collapse a wormhole in one pass.

Your mother is so fat, when she wears gray the entire Caldari Navy tried to dock in her.

Your mother is so stupid, she thought F1 was someone's name.

Your mother is so fat, she can bump a station off it's own docking range.

Your mother is so ugly, she the reason why The Door will never be unlocked.

Your mother is so large, she has to use an incursus to inject boosters.

Last but not least:

Your mother is so big, a Thorax is not enough.

Bring back DEEEEP Space!
Paranoid Loyd
#12 - 2014-08-08 18:29:57 UTC
It's funny how axe handles are made of wood.
It's like the ultimate '**** you' to trees.

"There is only one authority in this game, and that my friend is violence. The supreme authority upon which all other authority is derived." ISD Max Trix

Fix the Prospect!
Ima Wreckyou
The Conference Elite
Safety.
#13 - 2014-08-08 18:30:21 UTC
Miners love to mine, they think it rocks

Evil RatKid
Iain Cariaba
#14 - 2014-08-08 18:31:59 UTC
Solve this equation:
69
+69
???










Dinner for four.
Misty Allure
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#15 - 2014-08-08 18:35:25 UTC
I liked SFM Hobb3s the most.

Honourable mentions for Herzog and Sibbyl to the tune of 10mill each. ShahFluffers would have got a big showing had I not been told a variation of the same joke 10 mins ago. :)
Misty Allure
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#16 - 2014-08-08 18:36:30 UTC  |  Edited by: Misty Allure
Hell, we'll go again with a longer timer. New contest ends at 17.30 Eve. ONE entry per person, you may re-enter from previous contest!!!

Edit, I'm dumb, And drunk. Obvs 19.30 Eve
Yokai Mitsuhide
Doomheim
#17 - 2014-08-08 18:37:48 UTC
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?


Sneakers.
Bienator II
madmen of the skies
#18 - 2014-08-08 18:42:45 UTC
what is red and knocks at the window?


smurf in an oven

how to fix eve: 1) remove ECM 2) rename dampeners to ECM 3) add new anti-drone ewar for caldari 4) give offgrid boosters ongrid combat value
Cara Forelli
State War Academy
Caldari State
#19 - 2014-08-08 18:51:42 UTC
The retriever thought his drones would save him, but my catalyst only took miner damage.

Want to talk? Join my channel in game: House Forelli

Titan's Lament
Misty Allure
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#20 - 2014-08-08 18:53:46 UTC
Cara Forelli wrote:
The retriever thought his drones would save him, but my catalyst only took miner damage.


Bonus payout for ganking related joke!
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