EVE General Discussion

>>>>Emergency Content Protocols Initiated<<<<

Today, the HR lady brought in an Apple pie for everyone to share. Seriously. One pie for an entire office of like 40 people! Shes the HR lady..she knew this! Anyways, the apple pie situation has now degraded into a free for all of people just scooping spoonfuls and eating it. I have no clue if theyre double-dipping..but im sure Steve is. Steve is a bastard like that. This one time, Steve ate our diabetic front desk lady's emergency candybar..and when she went into a low blood sugar spell..she didn't have that candybar! Steve, if youre reading this, youre a douche. Anyways, there are now like 15 people int he break room who smell like pie, and like 20 others who didn't get any pie, and a damn near licked clean pie crust on the table. Part of me wants to take the pie crust and tin home and fill it with jello pudding and bring it back in tomorrow, and watch everyone eat licked crust pie. I wont eat it...but Ill know everyone else did. Afterwards ill tell them, and they'll never trust another pie in the break room ever again! Muwahahhaha! Ill get all the pie from now on! But wait...what if someone does the same thing to me? Oh..that would suck. Theres like 12 people here who have got the lip herp...eeew...I don't want to catch that from Cindy..shes nasty. Ill have to think this all through. Maybe ill attempt the orange dust covered Styrofoam packing peanuts again int he Cheetos bag...that went over pretty well last time. Kinda **** move on my part, but I laughed. I really sold the whole thing by walking out of the breakroom with a handful of real Cheetos so people all thought they were real. I still might do the pie thing tonight. Sounds like something I would do.

Read the whole thing hoping the HR lady would turn out to be a *****.

There is never any left when I get there. Stupid HR lady always take like half of it. Like she needs it. Shes one of those eats all day long and never gains a pound women. The main problem is that she knows it too. She constantly brags about it. I always walk by her desk and put salt on her food so that she retains water. Salt does that to women right? anyways, I hope she gets fat. Like TLC show morbidly obese fat. That will knock her down a peg. Really deflate her ego. Her husband wil probably divorce her for it too. That would be best for him anyways. Shes been cheating on him for like 3 years with the boss's son. The son is like 10 years younger than her too. I mean, all her husband has to do is check the kids facebook wall and he would catch his wife cheating on him. I guess hes one of those guys who doesn't have a facebook page, probably at her request. God I hate that women manipulate men like that. I guess that men manipulate women too though, so turnabout is fairplay. Although, the boss's son has the herp. Yep, he went all YOLO at college and caught it from this little blonde chick who he though was clean. Turned out she wasn't. Now were pretty sure the HR lady has it. She got to right? I mean, after 3 years, you totally gotta catch that stuff. I dug through her purse once while she was out to see if she was taking Valtrex, because that would totally confirm if she had it. I didn't find any though. She probably hiding it in her desk. That is always locked. I practiced picking the lock on my desk with 2 paperclips to prepare myself for the day when I mission impossible my ass over there and lockpick that drawer. I know theres something there I could use against her, or at least flame her to the whole office over. That will toally teach her for eating half my birthday cake last year. It was a good cake. It was lemon cake with lemon frosting. awesome. I love that combo. I took only a small piece hoping that I could come back later and get more, but that woman came in and literally plopped half the cake on a plate and went to her cubicle and ate it. I had hoped that she was allergic to lemon. Ugh she wasn't though. That wasa dumb thought...if she was allergic to lemon, she would know it..and not taken any of my cake! Anyways, if you've survived this far, I promise you, its almost over. Or is it? I mean, the counter says I have about 3600 characters left, So I could go on about the HR lady. There really is a lot to tell about her. I don't use facebook, or else id look her up and link her page here so you can picture what she looks like. She one of those pale people. and she has a mole on her neck. its one of those small moles, not one of those hairy potato moles that people get that have to be surgically removed. That would be gross. We would have to name it. I would totally name it larry. Larry the mole.

Awesomeness (twice)

10/10 would like to hear more about the woman from HR/ cake related shenanigans, preferably with paragraphs