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Update on my Quest to locate and hire a Jovian Female Exotic Dancer

Author
Gaufres
Just Keep Hanging On
#1 - 2014-02-25 03:06:04 UTC
After many attempts to locate a Jovian Representative or to locate a way to get to Jove Space to contact them directly, I have come up with a way that may work.

We know that the Sansha have a Base and a Directed Wormhole Generator that allows them to make raiding Incursions into known space. What I propose is this.

I will pay 1 Billion ISK to the person who can deliver to me a working Sansha Device that will get me into Jove Space.
Eran Mintor
Metropolis Commercial Consortium
#2 - 2014-02-25 05:07:38 UTC
I think such a device would be worth far more than one billion interstellar kredits. I certainly would not sell it for that, should I possess such a device.

-Eran
Fredfredbug4
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#3 - 2014-02-25 05:32:06 UTC
1 Trillion and you have a deal.

Watch_ Fred Fred Frederation_ and stop [u]cryptozoologist[/u]! Fight against the brutal genocide of fictional creatures across New Eden! Is that a metaphor? Probably not, but the fru-fru- people will sure love it!

Eran Mintor
Metropolis Commercial Consortium
#4 - 2014-02-25 06:26:07 UTC
Even a trillion pales in comparison to what could be achieved with having such a device. Something like that is invaluable and I'd wager that's why it's been so unattainable over these past years. Nevermind it's owned by Sansha, and nothing escapes Nation once they get their claws, or implants, around it...

-Eran
Redpants
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#5 - 2014-02-25 06:54:08 UTC
1 Trillion ISK? That's kind of selling yourself short it isn't it? I mean maybe that much for a working time machine sure mon ami but this is a Sansha Directed Worlmhole Generator to Jovian space we're talking about! At least 2 Trillion no?

Of course I'm jesting. I admire this plan. I like this plan. It has moxy. It's Brutors balls! To traverse the unknown in pursuit of returning with Jovian dancing girls is among the dreams of every adolescent on Gallentia! It makes my pants tight just talking about it. Should you actually be able to pull together this fantasctic conception, you will have singlehandedly enriched Federal nightlife to levels of decadence not seen since frentix hit the scene (and kissed my soul.) You Monsieur Gaufres have the savoir faire!
Erica Dusette
Division 13
#6 - 2014-02-25 06:54:29 UTC
You want to spend a small fortune seeking a theoretical piece of equipment that you hope can transport you to unknown regions where you hope to find a mythical race, one member of whom that works as an exotic dancer, so you can kidnap them and return to known regions?

That's a lot of trouble to go to just for a little hip-swaying and butt-grinding in your lap sir. Are you truly that lonely?

Jack Miton > you be nice or you're sleeping on the couch again!

Part-Time Wormhole Pirate Full-Time Supermodel

worмнole dιary + cнaracтer вιoѕвσss

Leopold Caine
Stillwater Corporation
#7 - 2014-02-25 07:55:54 UTC
Erica Dusette wrote:
You want to spend a small fortune seeking a theoretical piece of equipment that you hope can transport you to unknown regions where you hope to find a mythical race, one member of whom that works as an exotic dancer, so you can kidnap them and return to known regions?


Sounds like a synopsis of a new holoreel sitcom on Scope.
Those people never seem to run out of ideas, really.
  • Leopold Caine, Domination Malakim

Angels are never far...

Stillwater Corporation Recruitment Open - Angel Cartel Bloc

Erica Dusette
Division 13
#8 - 2014-02-25 08:05:35 UTC
Leopold Caine wrote:
Erica Dusette wrote:
You want to spend a small fortune seeking a theoretical piece of equipment that you hope can transport you to unknown regions where you hope to find a mythical race, one member of whom that works as an exotic dancer, so you can kidnap them and return to known regions?


Sounds like a synopsis of a new holoreel sitcom on Scope.
Those people never seem to run out of ideas, really.

Aye, I don't get it, Mr Caine, sir. From the myths I've heard the Jove aren't even attractive let alone real.

If all he wants is a lapdance then hell, for a billion I'll give him one myself. I'll even dress up as an ugly, mythical alien if he's into that kind of thing. I still have my Sleeper drone costume somewhere, minus a tentacle or two.

Jack Miton > you be nice or you're sleeping on the couch again!

Part-Time Wormhole Pirate Full-Time Supermodel

worмнole dιary + cнaracтer вιoѕвσss

Apollo Lyserius
Minerva Technologies
#9 - 2014-02-25 11:04:49 UTC
What's with the Jove girls? Are they unlikely the rest of their race (Which I've heard are an awful ugly and short lot), or have you experienced so much of what the GalNet has to offer already and is now looking for something below the bottom of decadence and depravity? (Which I've nothing against.)

Anyway, good luck on your quest, though I believe you won't get there by buying a wormwhole generator. But don't give up! You'll find a way.
Ava Starfire
Khushakor Clan
#10 - 2014-02-25 12:54:29 UTC
Apollo Lyserius wrote:
What's with the Jove girls? Are they unlikely the rest of their race (Which I've heard are an awful ugly and short lot), or have you experienced so much of what the GalNet has to offer already and is now looking for something below the bottom of decadence and depravity?


Hey man.

Don't judge.

"There is no strength in numbers; have no such misconception." -Jayka Vofur, "Warfare in the North"

Apollo Lyserius
Minerva Technologies
#11 - 2014-02-25 14:06:34 UTC
Ava Starfire wrote:
Apollo Lyserius wrote:
What's with the Jove girls? Are they unlikely the rest of their race (Which I've heard are an awful ugly and short lot), or have you experienced so much of what the GalNet has to offer already and is now looking for something below the bottom of decadence and depravity?


Hey man.

Don't judge.


Hey! Don't strategically cut out parts of my speech. I see no problem in going below the bottom of decadence and depravity looking for pleasure. I don't judge. There are already too many Amarr in the cluster for me to bother judging.
Karmilla Strife
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#12 - 2014-02-25 15:08:22 UTC
Apollo Lyserius wrote:
Ava Starfire wrote:
Apollo Lyserius wrote:
What's with the Jove girls? Are they unlikely the rest of their race (Which I've heard are an awful ugly and short lot), or have you experienced so much of what the GalNet has to offer already and is now looking for something below the bottom of decadence and depravity?


Hey man.

Don't judge.


Hey! Don't strategically cut out parts of my speech. I see no problem in going below the bottom of decadence and depravity looking for pleasure. I don't judge. There are already too many Amarr in the cluster for me to bother judging.


You're judging again.
Morwen Lagann
Tyrathlion Interstellar
#13 - 2014-02-25 15:24:57 UTC
Anyone who believes those of the Empire and her allies have a monopoly on the judging of others, ought look no further than the tip of their own nose.

Morwen Lagann

CEO, Tyrathlion Interstellar

Coordinator, Arataka Research Consortium

Owner, The Golden Masque

Cuci Cairi
#14 - 2014-02-25 15:33:10 UTC
Why judge his judgement? Its not like he's asking for a fedo.
Stitcher
School of Applied Knowledge
Caldari State
#15 - 2014-02-25 15:33:54 UTC
Erica Dusette wrote:
You want to spend a small fortune seeking a theoretical piece of equipment that you hope can transport you to unknown regions where you hope to find a mythical race, one member of whom that works as an exotic dancer, so you can kidnap them and return to known regions?

That's a lot of trouble to go to just for a little hip-swaying and butt-grinding in your lap sir. Are you truly that lonely?


Certainly seems like it'd be a lot cheaper to look around in Caille. There's bound to be some boddy-modder somewhere who's into the bald-and-translucent look and can be persuaded to get naked for cash.

AKA Hambone

Author of The Deathworlders

Apollo Lyserius
Minerva Technologies
#16 - 2014-02-25 15:42:02 UTC  |  Edited by: Apollo Lyserius
I thought the ability to use and grasp irony was a requirement for joining the ISG. I will now avoid using it in order not to get misunderstood.

I don't judge. I don't think there's anything wrong in liking jovian erotic dancers. I think people are entitled to do as they wish. Geez.
Erica Dusette
Division 13
#17 - 2014-02-25 15:50:15 UTC  |  Edited by: Erica Dusette
Stitcher wrote:
Certainly seems like it'd be a lot cheaper to look around in Caille. There's bound to be some boddy-modder somewhere who's into the bald-and-translucent look and can be persuaded to get naked for cash.

Agreed. I've never been one to chase money personally but I guess it's a necessary evil at times. Having said that, for a billion I'd certainly get naked although no amount of ISK could persuade me to shave my head, uhffff.

With that kind of money I'm sure he'll find what he's looking for eventually, if he doesn't come down off the boosters first.

Jack Miton > you be nice or you're sleeping on the couch again!

Part-Time Wormhole Pirate Full-Time Supermodel

worмнole dιary + cнaracтer вιoѕвσss

Pontianak Sythaeryn
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#18 - 2014-02-25 15:53:45 UTC
Apollo Lyserius wrote:
I thought the ability to use and grasp irony was a requirement for joining the ISG. I will now avoid using it in order not to get misunderstood.

I don't judge. I don't think there's anything wrong in liking jovian erotic dancers. I think people are entitled to do as they wish. Geez.


An irony? All the people telling you not to judge... are judging. So who is judging the judging judgers?

Yea, I went there.

Personally, I can think of a lot more profitable uses of such a device than going into jove space to get some exotic dancers... but that's just me.
Vulxanis Viceroy
Vicarius Vitae
Khimi Harar
#19 - 2014-02-25 20:26:16 UTC
Erica Dusette wrote:
From the myths I've heard the Jove aren't even attractive let alone real.


Oh, they are very real, my dear. Myths do not destroy entire fleets. However, I would have to agree, as they are likely not very attractive due to all the modifications they have done to themselves. There is a strong possibility they might even be extinct by now due to the disease of their own creation.

In Character: Only responds to "Lord Draconis"

Pronounced "Vulzanis"

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Katran Luftschreck
Royal Ammatar Engineering Corps
#20 - 2014-02-25 23:51:25 UTC
I think that while in the past the Amarr underestimated the Jove, in the present people continually overestimate them.

Keep in mind that a key factor in the one battle they've ever been seen in they had, oh yeah, completely leveraged the situation through the liberal use of spies beforehand. While we were going up against an unknown factor, the Jovian's spy network had shown them ahead of time exactly what we were bringing - and exactly how to defeat it.

One need look no further than the history between Goonswarm and the now defunct Band of Brothers to see just how much damage even one very well placed agent can do.

Had the tables been turned, as far as intel is concerned, the outcome of that battle could very well have been very different.

And factor in the technology gap then compared to now. Since then the nations of New Eden have developed levels of technology that are orders of magnitude ahead of what was brought to the field back then. Have the Jovians bothered to even try to keep pace, or have they smugly assumed that we could never catch up with them?

And remember that wasn't our entire fleet - not by a long shot. It was a single battle group from just one of what is now four mighty nations.

And let's not forget the glaringly obvious addition of, oh yeah, capsuleer technology to our list of new toys.

I firmly believe that if, by the Grace of God, all our modern nations were to ever unite against the Jovians then their little slowly dying empire would become extinct in under a week.

http://youtu.be/t0q2F8NsYQ0

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