Out of Pod Experience

Relationships are the most complicated thing you will ever deal with in your life. Period.

If you don't understand that, then relationships are not for you right now.

Relationships are the most complicated thing in life, because guided mainly by emotion, especially in the young.

This is a young man making a huge mistake.

And she should be more concerned about piecing her life back together after what I'm sure was a hellish couple of years. And what's the first thing she does ? Gets on a dating site. Good God. And dealing with that ex is a priority. That's not over with by a long shot.

I'm probably the oldest person posting in here, but I do understand my father's frustration with me when trying to explain stuff like this to me.

I indeed always knew better. Yup. I sure did.

Oscar Wilde: "I'm not young enough anymore to know everything."

This is a milleniums-old story, it's just playing out in the 21st Century. Why stoop to behavioral cliches when people with experience are telling you better ?

Well I have been involved in simular situations. I resued my ex wife from a guy like that. When we came to pick her stuff up he was there and seen me. He just looked at me and said nothing. He had beaten on her so long when a man came into the house he was taken back that I was not scared. He had a sad stupid look on his face the entire time. He said nothing until we left and then he threw a love letter down the stairs at her which I caught and tore up and left in the hallway. Never heard from that thing again.

Krixtal said it all already.

OP, don't come here in a few years time and say you weren't warned!

Hmm gonna put my 2 cents in

First of all : GG all of you starting a discussion on guns and self defence like it actually has anything to do with the OP's question

There are a few things to consider for you here :

However much you like the girl she obviously has unresolved issues at play, In my experience if you decide to try to maintain a relationship with her you will pay for her issues at some point. That is pretty much unavoidable.

The danger is that she will eventually need to channel her feelings of betrayal etc and if you are the one to stick around you will be the focus of those feelings. You will then need to take that onboard, push back on her desire to re-establish dominance over her life (potentially by hurting\dominating you)

From the sounds of it she can really benefit from talking to a therapist, I don't know where you live but if she decides to take this the way of the courts (which frankly she should, if for nothing else than to get the crime down on paper to prevent further crimes of the same nature-the dude will maintain his dominance over her until he realizes that the world is aware of his **** - even then he might try to maintain it, but then at least it is much easier to get him jailed if there is a precedent)

You ask if you should back away as a favor to her, this is utter oxmanure, you don't do her any favors by backing away out of her life because she is tainted goods. no matter what the xBF does it will help her having someone to lean on.
However the real question is if you are doing yourself any favors by staying.

Some people need to feel like white knights and their basic low self esteem is greatly helped by being able to feel like they are needed and will often seek out partners in need of saving. If this is you try to be honest with yourself about it.
If this is you and you are fine with it and want to "be there" for this girl, then you should be keenly aware of your own limitations as trying to be the man who shows this girl that "all men aren't like that" can potentially burn you out.

Decision is yours in the end, the basic fact is you need to be ruthlessly honest with yourself about yourself regarding your reasons for staying\leaving and try to get a idea of what you are getting yourself into if you stay.

cant be bothered

It's a good thing that she is honest with you about her health and the dangerous situation she might be in. She should absolutely get a restraining order. I'm not sure where you are, but in California one can be acquired in a reasonable way.

I don't know what your stance is on these things, but if I were you I would look into some form of self defense. Whether it's some pepper spray, getting more fit, or training in some sort of self defense I think being able to anticipate something going wrong might end up helping you.

/蘭