EVE General Discussion

My attempted 2nd entry

Original Author: Julia Ward Howe's The Battle Hymn of the Republic Written Februrary 1862.

Battle Hymn of the Miner Parody written by RAIN Arthie


Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the dreads,
Smashing and burning ships until they are dead,
Then we loot the bodies and cut off all their heads
The miners keep pressing on!
Tyranny tyranny, oppose it! tyranny tyranny, oppose it!
Tyranny tyranny , oppose it! The miners keep pressing on

You have bombed our ships and taken away our ore,
We have suffered long enough and we will be beaten no more,
Now we are all fed up so you better prepare for war.
The miners keep pressing on!
Tyranny tyranny, oppose it! Tyranny tyranny oppose it!
Tyranny tyranny, oppose it! The new world order is done!

You pulled a gun on us, so we pulled a gun on you,
You have had your fun but now that time is through,
You told our people lies but now we live in truth
The miners keep pressing on!
Tyranny tyranny, oppose it! Tyranny tyranny oppose it!
Tyranny tyranny, oppose it! Lock and load it’s time for a run!

You picked on The Wiz for all the great he did,
You bullied him and acted out like a bunch of little kids,
Now your locked down and on fire in a frig,
The miners keep pressing on!
Tyranny tyranny, oppose it! Tyranny tyranny oppose it!
Tyranny tyranny, oppose it! Your fleet is on the run!

In the beauty of null sec we are all here to see,
I must give a big thanks to my CEO and my corp who rescued me,
Now I’m in a cyno alt, lighting in 1, 2, and 3,
The miners keep pressing on!
Tyranny tyranny, oppose it! Tyranny tyranny oppose it!
Tyranny tyranny, oppose it! The dreadnaughts, here they come!

The miners are at war and now they come in waves,
All flying dreadnaughts, which from their ore was made,
We have an orca in the fleet boosting, completly covered with slaves,
The miners keep pressing on!
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the dreads,
Smashing and burning ships until they are dead,
Then we loot the bodies and cut off all their heads
The miners keep pressing on!

Mighty Ahganktyew
And The Great Pew Pew
(Sung to the tune of "Hiawatha"
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

In New Eden's vast expanses
where the pilots take their chances
dwelt the mighty Ahganktyew
living for The Great Pew Pew.

On a day of massive boredom
Ahganktyew dreamt of stardom
camped beside a lovely ice belt
KMs, ISK and glory he smelt.

Lo he saw a lowly miner,
possibly a local whiner,
oblivious to those around him.
Ahganktyew was glad he found him.

Tech two wealth all a-glimmer,
a miner's scalp began to shimmer
in the eyes of our Ahgantyew
targeting to start the pew pew.

But this day held not the promise
most of us would have fall on us
for beyond our hero's vision
the miner's Hound growled its derision.

Yes, a double-boxing bastard
passively locked his target faster
than Ahgankteyew's ship could figure.
Yes, his thumb was on the trigger.

Blind, yet bold our hero fired,
heart aflame, and greed-inspired!
As a flag lit up all yellow
just so the Hound fired on our fellow!

Half the armor, all the shielding
fell to Ahganktew's unyielding
rack of ranged artillary
the miner on the pillory.

But, just as joy leapt up to meet him
horrendous booms were there to greet him
before the eyes and ears of God
Ahganktyew was in his pod!

What the hell! Has CONCORD got me?
Who the hell was it that shot me?
In the distance howled the Hound
that shot mighty Ahganktyew down!

So, when you're out there on patrol,
searching for a sorry soul
to gank and spank and victimize
don't forget to realize

things may not be as they seem.
So, careful when you dream that dream,
and don't forget how Ahganktyew
fell before The Great Pew Pew.

I, for one, would love to read a multi-page poem written by James 315

Entry #2 Could use some editing, much potential!


O Captain! My Captain! by Walt Whitman



Oh Saviour! My Saviour! A year and a half has passed.
The New Order has grown so much, all the illegal miners last seeing a blast.
Total compliance is near, we have nothing to fear, miners all in compliance.
But we must stay vigilant to keep law and order, there's still much to do.
But wait! wait! wait!
I see some pod goo
Oh nevermind, that is not you but there Ledrian's pod lies.
For a moment I was scared, but thank the Code I still have you!

Oh Saviour! My Saviour! Please lock and pop the pod.
Your lock time is much better than I could get with any mod.
You are our hero, for you we'd give it all
Everyone around us, all of highsec, for you we call.
Here Protector, Code Father!
Let us pile up the corpses and wreck their ships
For all the bot aspirants to see
Impants and all, we'll shoot while we eat popcorn and chips.

The rebel leader, Ledrian, has fallen, no more schedules missing,
What will the aspirants do, unless they're just afk pissing.
Oh wait I see one, he's in local but not paying attention at all.
Nevermind D400 shot and podded him, in one fiery ball.
Rejoice dear Saviour, let's ring all the bells
The very last bot aspirant
Has been slayed and is dead.

The New Colossus by Emma Lazarus


Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our humble beginning of Halaima shall stand,
A Virile man with a book whose words
are the beacon of hope for the mining herds
Saviour of Highsec, from his outstretched hands
Everyone of clear mind knows for justice he stands.
His writings so long, they are broken into thirds.

"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!' cries he
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
your carebear masses hoping to live free.
Before another angry miner calls your mother a whore.
Send these, the SOVless, poorest citizens they be.
I'll leave a fresh copy of the Code by every captain quarters door!"

parody: The Cremation of Sam McGee by Robert W. Service
837 words 4105 characters

The Cremation of Gastibar Cree

There are strange things done with a laser-gun by men who work the ice.
and the long barge trails have their secret tails that turn grown men to mice.
The faint star lights have seen weird sights but the weirdest I ever did see
was the long fleet op in the icy slop where I cremated Gastibar Cree

Now Gastibar was from Minmatar, where volcanos belch and blow.
How he was glued to mine ice cubes, by Jove no one could know.
He was always cold but the ice he sold seemed to hold him like a spell,
though he'd often say in a matari way that he'd rather live in hell.

One frozen day we were cutting our way on some freshly spawned ice blocks.
as we pulled them in they stuck to our skin; it hurt right through thermal ice socks.
If our eyes we'd close, then the lashes froze till sometimes we couldn't see;
It wasn't much fun, but the only one to whine was Gastibar Cree.

We worked all night tho' the cold did bite and we popped another boulder
and we pack away our ice block pay in the hold so it would stay colder.
Cree fell to the floor, and "Capt!" he swore, "I'll cash in this trip I guess"
"And if I do, I'm asking you please grant my last request."

Well, he seemed so low I couldn't say no; then he says with a sort of moan:
"The cursèd cold, it's got right hold, I'm chilled clean through to the bone.
Yet it ain't being dead—it's my awful dread of the icy grave that pains;
So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, you'll cremate my last remains."

A pal's last need is a thing to heed, so I swore I would not fail;
he wasn't dead so I put in him bed; but God! he looked ghastly pale.
He was in and out and sometimes did shout about duct tape, clay, and wire
at the end of his rave I was dismayed to see that he did expire.

There was no breath in this belt of death, and I hurried on horror driven
I lashed Cree in the hold so he wouldn't mold because of my promise given
His corpse caused dread; I imagine it said, "You may tax your brawn and brains,
but you promised true, and it's up to you to cremate those last remains."

Now a promise made is a debt unpaid, and deep space has its own stern code.
In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, in my heart how I cursed that load.
Through the long work day I toiled hard for pay and I made those lasers sing.
but they seem to shout, "throw that dead man out". O God! how I loathed the thing.

Then the dim moonlight lit some pirate blight and suddenly the ship was ablaze
explosions blew and before I knew I could not see through the firey haze.
The fire roared and melted the horde of the icy payload cache
and there dead Cree seemed to grin at me and my blood turned straight to ash.

I suddenly knew what I had to do though it may seem awful and gruesome,
but the flaming debris seemed a funeral pyre so I made it my crematorium
the room was on fire which shot up higher as I opened the door to the air
but I screwed up my courage and hummed a quick dirge and I threw in Gastibar there.

I slammed the door and slumped to the floor, the hairs standing out on my nape
Down came a hot ember which made me remember, I needed to make my escape.
Smoke burned my eyes but I then realized the mistake I had made burnt me more
for my pod life boat and any hope was on the other side of the door.

I cannot say how long in delay I wrestled with grisly fear;
but finally my need increased my speed, to that warm door I drew near.
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said: "If I hurry I can slip inside.
then in the pod shield I could leave this field; so flung the door open wide.

And there sat Cree! looking calm as could be, in the heart of the firey roar;
and he wore a smile you could see for a mile. and said "Please will you shut that door!
It's fine in here, but I greatly fear you'll let in the cold and ice.
Since I left Minmatar" explained Gastibar, "it's the first time the weather's been nice."

There are strange things done with a laser-gun by men who work the ice.
and the long barge trails have their secret tails that turn grown men to mice.
The faint star lights have seen weird sights but the weirdest I ever did see
was the long fleet op in the icy slop where I cremated Gastibar Cree.

I want to have, max skill points,
Like no one ever has,
To queue them is my real test,
To train them is my cause.

I will jump across null-sec,
Searching far and wide,
For a freighter, that we can gank,
And blow up from inside

EVE Mon, it's you and me.
You show me my destiny!
EVE Mon, oh, you're my best friend,
In a POS we can't defend!

EVE Mon, apart from you,
EFT will pull us through!
You shoot me and I'll shoot you
E-V-E Mon, gotta skill 'em all!

Every wormhole, along the chain
With cov-ops, I will face.
Yes scanning, is such a pain,
But it puts you in your place.

Warp to me, the time is right;
There's no better fleet.
Remote reps up, we'll win the fight
We've always been e-l33t!

EVE Mon!

It's you and me.
You show me my destiny!

EVE Mon!

Oh, you're my best friend,
In a POS we can't defend!

EVE Mon!

Apart from you,
EFT will pull us through!
You shoot me and I'll shoot you,

E-V-E MON!

Gotta skill 'em all,

EVE MON!

Original by John Siegler and Tamara Loeffler

**** WINNERS ANNOUNCED ****

First off, thank you to everyone who participated! I said it before, but I was really amazed by the variety and quality of all the poem and song parodies submitted.

It is somewhat unfortunate that I am the only judge - I really think a panel would have done a better job because my personal biases will obviously impact something as subjective as poetry. Maybe someone else will sponsor another one (or if you want to join with me on the next one, shoot me a mail). So - on to the winners!


Grand Prize Winners (PLEX):

Khergit Deserters - "Old Bumpersides"
Nyjil Lizaru - "The FC with the Call"

Both of these poems were exactly what I was hoping for when I sponsored this contest. Khergit Deserters, you actually made me mourn for a ship I have never (and probably will never) flown. Great poem choice and absolutely fantastic adaptation to EVE. Nyjil Lizaru, not only did you perfectly capture the cadence and flow of the "Casey at the Bat", but you perfectly adapted the spirit and feeling of the poem as well. And the ending was fantastic. Very nicely done.

In the end, I just couldn't decide between the two poems so you will have to share the title of Grand Prize Winner. You won't have to share the PLEX though, because it only seemed fair to award a PLEX to each of you. Congratulations.



Honorable Mentions (100M ISK)

Xanadu Redux - "O FC! my FC!" - another poem about a FC and technical issues, but also very unique. The words "Fallen Disconnected" just hang there and the impact of the poem carries on after the words are finished. Nicely done.

Don Aubaris - "The Charge of the Frig Brigade" - Great adaptation of a great poem. Well written and fun to read. Good job.

Vyl Vit - "Mighty Ahganktyew and the Great Pew Pew" - A well told story with a nice build up to the ending. And you even included a moral!

Vehestian - "Goodnight Moon" - This one made me laugh. I have probably read Goodnight Moon a thousand times to my kids over the years and I will never look at it the same way again. Unlike the others, this is not at all what I was expecting when I started the contest and it was a very pleasant surprise. Great idea.



Bonus Prizes:
I wanted to highlight a couple more poems that I really enjoyed so I am throwing out a few bonus prizes.

Scipio Artelius - "The Ganker from Old Man Star" - This one was about 70 words too long, but felt like even more than that. However, once I dug into it, I appreciated the idea and all the effort put into it. Definitely a labor of love. Bonus Prize: Stabber Fleet Issue

stoicfaux - "The Moa" - Somewhere, there is an artist cringing. May he/she know that in spite of the awful looking ship they made, they inspired a great poem. Bonus prize: a Moa (of course), and a Vexor, Maller, and Rupture (for comparison purposes)

Mike Azariah - "If" - I now know what it takes to be a pilot in New Eden. Bonus Prize: Two +4 Willpower impants (Running for CSM again, you will need them)

Barbara Nichole - "The Gods of Copybook Headings" - I liked this poem, but I can't exactly articulate why. Maybe because it was the closest to a "wandering" poem. Bonus Prize: Gnosis Battlecruiser

RAIN Arthie - "Battle Hymn of the Miner" - Long live the miners! For some reason I got a mental picture of miners going to war with their pick-axes. Bonus Prize: a Kryos stuffed to the gills with Tritanium

Cara Forelli - "EVE MON" - I'm not really a Pokemon fan, but I thought this was clever. Bonus Prize: a nice collection of rogue drone BPC's. Just a couple more and you will have collected them all!



Thank you again for participating. I hope you all enjoyed reading them as much as I did. Congratulations to all of you.


(prizes will be sent out today)

Nice Thankyou for the price. And thankyou for the effort of organizing this. It was fun and entertaining.

Congratulations to all winners.

Thank you very much! I had an absolute blast working on it, and thought I had a shot. But reading all of the submissions was intimidating.

Kudos for running something like this, and I'll probably send you something back towards the prize pool for 'next time'