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Prayer of a High-Sec Carebear

Author
Don Aubaris
#1 - 2014-01-21 18:01:28 UTC
I had written the prayer below for the poem-parodie contest, but since it's not really a poem I didn't enter it there. Considering the flak CCP and Devs are getting in the last week, I decided to post it anyway as support for those poor chaps.
After all, it was all null-sec bad stuff .Blink


Our Devs, who art in Iceland,
Honored be your names.
Your Vision come.
Your will be done on Tranq,
As it is on Sisi.
Give us this day our daily ISK.
And forgive us our complaining,
As we forgive them that complain about us
And lead us not into null-sec,
But deliver us from gankers.
For yours are the Server,
The Hamsters, and the PLEX,
For eons and eons.
Amen.

PS1. Now that I have your attention, oh Magnificant ones, any chance on a feature where POCO's have a chance, equal to their tax-rate, of exploding each day? Seems a fantastic way to express the risk vs reward idea of Eve.Evil

PS2. Please make it so that you don't have to forgive us much... Twisted
Billy McCandless
The McCandless Clan
#2 - 2014-01-21 18:06:26 UTC
Don Aubaris wrote:

Now that I have your attention, oh Magnificant ones, any chance on a feature where POCO's have a chance, equal to their tax-rate, of exploding each day? Seems a fantastic way to express the risk vs reward idea of Eve.


That mechanic exists, its called Wardec + Oracles

"Thread locked for being deemed a total loss." - ISD Ezwal

Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#3 - 2014-01-21 18:14:21 UTC
Kid, I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other, and I've seen a lot of strange stuff, but I've never seen *anything* to make me believe that there's one all-powerful Force controlling everything. 'Cause no mystical "CCP" controls my destiny. It's all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.


Anyways, Hokey religions and ancient DEVs are no match for a good blaster Catalyst on your side, kid.


Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?

Forum Clone 77777
Doomheim
#4 - 2014-01-21 20:10:40 UTC
This is one of the worst and dumbest ideas I have seen posted, ever, and there has been some really just.. Ugh.. Ones.
So congrats on y'know, being one of "those" people.
stoicfaux
#5 - 2014-01-21 20:24:40 UTC
Forum Clone 77777 wrote:
This is one of the worst and dumbest ideas I have seen posted, ever, and there has been some really just.. Ugh.. Ones.
So congrats on y'know, being one of "those" people.

Your lack of faith in the Space Pope and the inability to comprehend the righteousness of His Holiness' attack fleets has been noted.

Pon Farr Memorial: once every 7 years, all the carebears in high-sec must PvP or they will be temp-banned.

Erufen Rito
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#6 - 2014-01-21 20:26:48 UTC  |  Edited by: Erufen Rito
Unsuccessful At Everything wrote:
Kid, I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other, and I've seen a lot of strange stuff, but I've never seen *anything* to make me believe that there's one all-powerful Force controlling everything. 'Cause no mystical "CCP" controls my destiny. It's all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.


Anyways, Hokey religions and ancient DEVs are no match for a good blaster Catalyst on your side, kid.



You just won, too hard. I'd give you more likes, but i'm afraid i'd run out of alts and it still wouldn't be enough. Damn man, I thin i'm going to quote you on my signature.

Edit: Afraid I can't. The awesome is too much for this.
Edit 2: Nvm.

This is as nice as I get. Best quote ever https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&m=4137165#post4137165

DeMichael Crimson
Republic University
Minmatar Republic
#7 - 2014-01-24 00:21:08 UTC  |  Edited by: DeMichael Crimson
Don Aubaris wrote:
I had written the prayer below for the poem-parodie contest, but since it's not really a poem I didn't enter it there. Considering the flak CCP and Devs are getting in the last week, I decided to post it anyway as support for those poor chaps.
After all, it was all null-sec bad stuff .Blink


Our Devs, who art in Iceland,
Honored be your names.
Your Vision come.
Your will be done on Tranq,
As it is on Sisi.
Give us this day our daily ISK.
And forgive us our complaining,
As we forgive them that complain about us
And lead us not into null-sec,
But deliver us from gankers.
For yours are the Server,
The Hamsters, and the PLEX,
For eons and eons.
Amen.


Nice, probably should have kept it more formal.

Our Devs, who art in Iceland, hallowed be thy names.
Thy Vision come, thy will be done, in Tranq as it is in Sisi.
Give us this day our daily ISK.
And forgive us our complaining, as we forgive those that complain about us.
And lead us not into null-sec, but deliver us from gankers.
For thine is the Server, the Hamsters, and the PLEX.
For eons and eons.
Amen.



DMC
Kaarous Aldurald
Black Hydra Consortium.
#8 - 2014-01-24 01:01:01 UTC
I'd be praying to Chribba, if I were you.

"Verily, I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good because they had no claws."

One of ours, ten of theirs.

Best Meltdown Ever.

Herzog Wolfhammer
Sigma Special Tactics Group
#9 - 2014-01-24 01:18:25 UTC
Never let a vogon read poetry, ever.

Bring back DEEEEP Space!

Don Aubaris
#10 - 2014-01-24 07:31:07 UTC
DeMichael Crimson wrote:

Nice, probably should have kept it more formal.

Our Devs, who art in Iceland, hallowed be thy names.
Thy Vision come, thy will be done, in Tranq as it is in Sisi.
Give us this day our daily ISK.
And forgive us our complaining, as we forgive those that complain about us.
And lead us not into null-sec, but deliver us from gankers.
For thine is the Server, the Hamsters, and the PLEX.
For eons and eons.
Amen.



DMC


Thankyou for improving it :) Old formal English was not on my curriculum.
And thankyou for actually focussing on it, instead of on the PS1.
Lots of people that don't understand humor on these forums.
Karen Avioras
The Raging Raccoons
#11 - 2014-01-24 07:49:23 UTC
Was expecting an eve version of prayer of the refugee Sad
Tul Breetai
Impromptu Asset Requisition
#12 - 2014-01-24 12:52:25 UTC
Don Aubaris wrote:

PS1. Now that I have your attention, oh Magnificant ones, any chance on a feature where POCO's have a chance, equal to their tax-rate, of exploding each day? Seems a fantastic way to express the risk vs reward idea of Eve.Evil
Twisted

What if they added a maintenance mini-game and random maintenance requests that need to be fulfilled within 6 hours or the POCO leaves orbit and crashes onto the planet?

There's nothing worse than an EVE player, generally considered to be top of the food chain in the MMO world, that cannot smacktalk with wit and coherency.

Angelica Dreamstar
Aliastra
Gallente Federation
#13 - 2014-01-24 13:16:09 UTC  |  Edited by: Angelica Dreamstar
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Navy Raven?
My friends all fly Golems, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So Lord, won't you buy me a Navy Raven?

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Caldari LSE ?
Dialing For ISKies is trying to find me.
I wait for delivery each day until three,
So oh Lord, won't you buy me a Caldari LSE ?

Oh Lord, won't you buy me some undies in brown?
I'm counting on you, Lord, please don't let me down.
Prove that you love me and buy me the next round,
Oh Lord, won't you buy me some undies in brown?

Everybody!
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Navy Raven ?
My friends all fly Golems, I must make amends,
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So oh Lord, won't you buy me a Navy Raven?

That's it!

bingo, his pig not being a goat doesn't make the pig wrong, just him an idiot for shouting at his pig "WHY ARENT YOU A GOAT!" (Source)

-- Ralph King-Griffin, about deranged people playing EVE ONLINE

Billy McCandless
The McCandless Clan
#14 - 2014-01-24 13:22:23 UTC
Remember the Anthem of the Royal Kanid Navy Kilted Yaksmen

Our empire reeks of trees
Our ships are really large
And they smell like rotting beef carcasses

And we have to clean up after them
And our pod-goo sores are the best
We proudly wear women's clothing
And searing sand blows up our skirts

And the Buzzards, they soar overhead
And poisonous drones will devour us whole
And our bones will bleach in the suns

And we will probably go to hell
And that is our great reward
For being the Royal Kanid Navy Kilted Yaksmen

"Thread locked for being deemed a total loss." - ISD Ezwal

Treborr MintingtonJr
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Caldari State
#15 - 2014-01-24 15:30:37 UTC
Add a hip hop beat to this and I can see platinum records on the horizon.
Seven Koskanaiken
Shadow Legions.
Warped Intentions
#16 - 2014-01-24 15:51:35 UTC  |  Edited by: Seven Koskanaiken
I'm flashy, I'm cute
I'm popular to boot
I'm bitchin'. Great hair
The bears all love to stare
I'm bountied, I'm hot
I'm everything you're not
I turn all ships to wrecks
I dominate high sec
Who am I? Just guess
I cause all miners stress
I'm rockin'. I smile
And many think I'm vile
I warp in, I scram
You can rage but still get slammed! Whoo!
I'm major, I roar
I start all high sec wars
We gank and we smack
We act like we're on crack
Hate us 'cause we're blobbers! Well, we don't like you either
We are gankers...high sec gankers.....ROLL CALL!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gMQ2K4zMc4
Don Aubaris
#17 - 2014-01-24 16:06:23 UTC
Funny things are appearing Big smile

Don't forget that if you are altering a poem or song, that there is a contest for these open :

Poem Contest
Seven Koskanaiken
Shadow Legions.
Warped Intentions
#18 - 2014-01-24 17:45:52 UTC  |  Edited by: Seven Koskanaiken
Prayer of a Nullbear

When I was noob, it seemed that EVE was so wonderful, a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical
And all the rats in the belts, well they'd explode so prettily, pay huge bounties, my first rifter, fly in space

But then they recruit me away to teach me how to be sensible, logical, oh travel fit, watch intel
And then they showed me a world where I could fight in max tidi, align when told, attend CTAs, hush on comms

There are times when all of EVE's asleep
The questions run too deep
for such a simple gamer
Won't you please, please tell me what I'm playing
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me what I'm playing

I said now, watch what you say, now we're calling you a nullsecbear, isk per hour, oh risk averse, and kick your corp
Oh send us your API, we'd like to check that you're not a spy, can scoop your drones, and press f1, and click paplinks

There are times when all of EVE's asleep
The questions run too deep
for such a simple gamer
Won't you please, please tell me what I'm playing
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me what I'm playing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5k3JVfxluFU
Jonah Gravenstein
Machiavellian Space Bastards
#19 - 2014-01-24 17:53:42 UTC  |  Edited by: Jonah Gravenstein
Kaarous Aldurald wrote:
I'd be praying to Chribba, if I were you.
Veld for the Veld God

Xindi Kraid wrote:
Our Chribba, who art in the belt.
Hallowed be thy Veldnaught.
Thy ore be mined.
Hidden belts we find.
In 0.0 as it is in Empire.
Give us this day our daily Veldspar.
And forgive us our ore theft,
As we forgive those who thieve against us.
And lead us not into gate camps,
But deliver us from pirates.
For thine is the ore,
and the ice, and the moons,
for ever and ever.
Ramen

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

New Player FAQ

Feyd's Survival Pack

PotatoOverdose
Royal Black Watch Highlanders
#20 - 2014-01-24 18:26:26 UTC
"And deliver us from the inequities of the ESS. Amen."
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