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The Bio's Of EvE - Downtime Reading :)
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Ila Dace
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#21 - 2013-10-26 02:31:37 UTC
From my bio:

There once was a miner from Azer
Who had not the grid for a laser
His drones pulled the Veld
While his shields barely held
And Goons took him out with a razor


Capsuleer's Blessing:

May the solar winds be ever at your thrusters.
May your foes never see through your blusters.
May all your turret fire and missiles land true.
May the greatest threats in Eve to you be blue.

May the rogue drones be gentle,
May your victims go mental,
Let all your fleets be grand,
And your kills number as sand.

And when you fly, let it be not safe,
But may it always be boosted by Quafe.

- Ila Dace

If House played Eve: http://i.imgur.com/y7ShT.jpg

But in purple, I'm stunning!
NightCrawler 85
Phoibe Enterprises
#22 - 2013-10-26 03:27:58 UTC
Am I reading this correctly? You claim you have a bug that undresses female avatars???
-CCP Wrangler

Phoibe Enterprises

The Eve Reader -  Audio Recordings of Eve Chronicles
Bloody Slave
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
#23 - 2013-10-26 09:17:00 UTC
I'm still laughing with that: "There was a flash of light and my ship turned into what looks like an egg, Did I level up?"

Thanks OP for bringing this up, there are lots of funny bios in EVE, that for sure.

Keep it coming, please.Big smile

If your balls are hurt and bleeding don't sit in a pool full of piranhas (note to myself: don't complain in GD)
Starbuck05
Abiding Ormolus
#24 - 2013-10-26 11:17:01 UTC
Plus one! Awesome thread

Just because i am blond does not make me stoopid !
KuroVolt
Federal Navy Academy
Gallente Federation
#25 - 2013-10-26 13:28:14 UTC
I thought this topic would be about bio breaks in fleet.

Then I remembered what I do during bio breaks and became hesitant to click on this topic.

BoBwins Law: As a discussion/war between two large nullsec entities grows longer, the probability of one comparing the other to BoB aproaches near certainty.
Alice Saki
Nocturnal Romance
Cynosural Field Theory.
#26 - 2013-10-26 14:19:53 UTC
Best one I have seen is

"Cyno me closer, I wanna hit them with my Sword" - Some goons guy

FREEZE! Drop the LIKES AND WALK AWAY! - Currenly rebuilding gaming machine, I will Return.
David Kir
Errantry Armaments
#27 - 2013-10-26 19:15:37 UTC
Best I've seen:

You are the universe experiencing itself.
You ******* wanker.

Friends are like cows: if you eat them, they die.
Kim Patient
Squid Squashing
#28 - 2013-10-27 14:36:46 UTC
Looking forward to the next installment :)
+1
Logan Joriksa
Shockwave Unlimited
RAZOR Alliance
#29 - 2013-11-30 17:51:31 UTC
09:11:25 Hint The fitting you are trying to save has corrupted data. Cattle is not a ship.
CETA Elitist
The Prometheus Society
#30 - 2013-11-30 19:09:21 UTC
Bischopt wrote:
I cannot find the person whose bio this was in, so this isn't a word-to-word quote:

"Eve is best described by entering a dark room where a man kicks you in the groin as hard as he can, feeling no remorse nor joy from doing so."

It's just the best bio I've ever seen.

Lol
Orravan
Anomalie
#31 - 2013-11-30 19:23:49 UTC
Bio's Of EvE wrote:
A firbolg goes to the RnD agent, looking ill, and says "I really don't feel well, i am tired all the time, i dont know what to do? So the RnD agent says "Well, let me take a bit of your hull and i will send it off for tests" Next week the firbolg returns, still complaining of the same symptoms, and the agent has some bad news: "There is no easy way to say this... but you are HIV positive"The firbolg is shocked. "HIV!! I am a fighter! Not a lover! How can that possibly be?!" The RnD agent solemnly replies "I am sorry... but one of your parents must have been a carrier"

We need more Eve-specific jokes.

Finicky diplomat. Suicidal explorer. Faithful ally.
Mr Pragmatic
#32 - 2013-11-30 19:32:01 UTC
Player: brush teeth
Eve: you don’t have a toothbrush
Player: buy Electric Toothbrush I
Eve: are you sure? that item is 43 jumps away
Player: fly to item
Eve: autopilot disabled. waypoint reached
Player: dock
Eve: docking permission requested
Player: dock
Eve: docking permission requested
Player: dock
Player: dock
Player: dock
Eve: docking request...... accepted
Player: buy Electric Toothbrush I
Player: equip Electric Toothbrush I
Eve: you don’t have the skills necessary to use that item
Player: buy Teethbrushing
Player: train Teethbrushing I
Eve: skill training complete
Player: equip Electric Toothbrush I
Eve: you don’t have the skills necessary to use that item
Player: buy Electric Toothbrush Operation
Player: train Electric Toothbrush Operation I
Eve: skill training complete
Player: equip Electric Toothbrush I
Eve: insufficient power

Super cali hella yolo swaga dopeness.  -Yoloswaggins, in the fellowship of the bling.
Ezekiel Ironstone
Pator Tech School
Minmatar Republic
#33 - 2013-11-30 19:40:17 UTC
Mr Pragmatic wrote:
Player: brush teeth
Eve: you don’t have a toothbrush
Player: buy Electric Toothbrush I
Eve: are you sure? that item is 43 jumps away
Player: fly to item
Eve: autopilot disabled. waypoint reached
Player: dock
Eve: docking permission requested
Player: dock
Eve: docking permission requested
Player: dock
Player: dock
Player: dock
Eve: docking request...... accepted
Player: buy Electric Toothbrush I
Player: equip Electric Toothbrush I
Eve: you don’t have the skills necessary to use that item
Player: buy Teethbrushing
Player: train Teethbrushing I
Eve: skill training complete
Player: equip Electric Toothbrush I
Eve: you don’t have the skills necessary to use that item
Player: buy Electric Toothbrush Operation
Player: train Electric Toothbrush Operation I
Eve: skill training complete
Player: equip Electric Toothbrush I
Eve: insufficient power


This describes Eve so well.
Spy 21
Doomheim
#34 - 2013-11-30 21:16:30 UTC
Nice read, thanks all.
S

Obfuscation for the WIN on page 3...
Klapen
Crab Labs
Premium Quality Ohio River Crabs
#35 - 2013-12-23 05:16:01 UTC
Zimmy Zeta wrote:
Unsuccessful At Everything wrote:
I think one of my favorites had to be:

Im going to take you out to dinner show you a good time before I pod you on the undock. Im putting the sensual back in non-consensual PvP.




If I remember correctly that was Klapen, or at least I think he used to have a sig like this.



Yes it was, im surprised anyone remembers that, I still have that sig jpg :)

Klapen.com
Felicity Love
Doomheim
#36 - 2013-12-23 06:02:53 UTC
What?... wonders if there's something in the air, drifting from, oh, Fukushima...

"EVE is dying." -- The Four Forum Trolls of the Apocalypse.   ( Pick four, any four. They all smell.  )
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