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Crime & Punishment

 
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The Pirate Story Thread

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Savnire Jacitu
Undead Retirement Crypt
#821 - 2013-11-04 00:34:23 UTC
Pannax Ni wrote:
Why?
http://i.imgur.com/oNNy9Ne.jpg
Because we can.


So I'm just sitting in my office and I begin this maniacal laughter after looking at that picture. Guys walks by, stops, looks at me and our eyes meet, I don't stop laughing, he rushes by and avoids me the rest of the day.

Today was a good day.
Feyd Rautha Harkonnen
Doomheim
#822 - 2013-11-05 16:15:43 UTC
We were naughty. Read about it here.

F

Would you like to know more?
ashurman
Doomheim
#823 - 2013-11-09 11:03:35 UTC
Well there i was happily going about my day searching the belts as one so often does when lo and behold some silly goose had left some ore lying about. Not to make the miners waste such a valuable commodity i quickly trundled over to grab it for them. upon my arrival at the can my brave underlings informed me that the nefarious evil doers had acquired lock on our fair and noble craft. One slight issue was the popinjay locking me was 20km away. not to be out done i quickly set full speed towards him as a flutter of space dust pinged off my shield's i was later informed this was the opening salvo of there ill equipped drones Just as we were about to unleash our righteous fury upon the foul fiend another lock upon our fair vessel was acquired! A hulk it seems wanted in on the kill. Not to be out done by his fellows the fat and bloated corpse ship read: orca also sent forth its flight of pop shooters. Well the game was well and truly on so it was. With due haste we turned about and laid a cunning point on the hulk which fortuitously strayed into range and sent our ubermegadeathshootersofdoom upon it. Within short order nothing but a empty shell remained. but lo. still our brave vessel was under attack. still our foolish foe had not fled the field. seeing the prize of such a great vessel we set best speed at the orca while our brave and courageous drones went awol and swiftly removed another evil vessel from the field. but lo still we were not in point range..and yet still they refused to move. was it courage? was it bravery or maybe just confusion.. time ticked by with pop-shooters being swatted aside by our glorious vessel and her now obeying minions. Finally a point was acquired on the great beast. cries of help and of pity littered the airwaves. and yet none were to given. time trickled by with great chunks of metal being shorn away with each volley. the bloated one had plenty of hull to get through but with a cup of tea made and a victory biscuit prepared we gave order for the final volley to be fired. nothing but wreckage and broken dreams remained..

*km's to be found here http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_related&kll_id=20250785*
Paranoid Loyd
#824 - 2013-11-09 19:10:58 UTC  |  Edited by: Paranoid Loyd
I'm sad to report that my rescue mission of the enslaved Female Exotic Dancers from the evil auto-piloting slaver ProtoMasha Ellecon has ended in failure.

I was able to save some of the enslaved, but the all of Female exotic dancers were lost in the rescue attempt.Cry

https://zkillboard.com/detail/34402445/

"There is only one authority in this game, and that my friend is violence. The supreme authority upon which all other authority is derived." ISD Max Trix

Fix the Prospect!
Samoth Egnoled
Caldari Provisions
#825 - 2013-11-11 08:36:40 UTC
Just over a week ago I formed a Corp with a close Eve friend, with the simple idea that nothing was off the table. We could be as evil as we wanted to be, and no-one would be there to tell us otherwise.

With this in mind we started doing some recon on potential targets, and declared war on a suitable ‘warm up’ target. 24 hours later I move my neutral alt into position, and spot them mining in a belt. Right about now, I am doing the victory dance on my desk…

After a moment to compose myself, I move alt into position for a warp in of ‘Surprise Mother F**ker!’ and selected a ship that would let them know just how out of their depth they were.

Orca Kill

Hulk Kill

After singing myself the ‘I am weasel’ theme tune, I get a convo from the orca pilot asking me to give the PLEX back. Yes that’s right he thought that the PLEX dropped and that I had it, so of course I obliged in his delusion and tried to sell it back to him. To which he claimed that he has no Isk and that he was a father in real life who only earns $700, and that the PLEX was his only hope of being able to continue playing Eve.

I did some routing around but couldn’t find my ‘worlds smallest violin’ so I had to suffice with him believing that I am an ******* who sold his PLEX on the market. Needless to say these guys didn’t want to play anymore that night.

After the Orca incident, their Corp starts bleeding members like no tomorrow and to be honest I had kinda given up on the idea that we would see anymore of them. We see our target member log on, and immediately dispatch on his last known whereabouts and run locators on alts.

As we were on route to him I suddenly hear on Comms “Rattlesnake! Rattlesnake! Go Mad go Mad” It was at this point that I swear my Cynabal turned into a freighter, it was taking forever to warp and my impatience wasn’t helping. Catching him on the other side of the gate I gave him a friendly bump for good measure.

Rattlesnake Kill

Pod Kill

Not believing our luck I sat shocked on the gate for a moment, when his alt jumped through the gate I was on.

Noctis kill

Pod Kill

Their Corp now just has the CEO in it, I have yet to see him undocked however I am hopeful.

Sam
Lord LazyGhost
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#826 - 2013-11-11 09:28:30 UTC
Samoth Egnoled wrote:
Just over a week ago I formed a Corp with a close Eve friend, with the simple idea that nothing was off the table. We could be as evil as we wanted to be, and no-one would be there to tell us otherwise.

With this in mind we started doing some recon on potential targets, and declared war on a suitable ‘warm up’ target. 24 hours later I move my neutral alt into position, and spot them mining in a belt. Right about now, I am doing the victory dance on my desk…

After a moment to compose myself, I move alt into position for a warp in of ‘Surprise Mother F**ker!’ and selected a ship that would let them know just how out of their depth they were.

Orca Kill

Hulk Kill

After singing myself the ‘I am weasel’ theme tune, I get a convo from the orca pilot asking me to give the PLEX back. Yes that’s right he thought that the PLEX dropped and that I had it, so of course I obliged in his delusion and tried to sell it back to him. To which he claimed that he has no Isk and that he was a father in real life who only earns $700, and that the PLEX was his only hope of being able to continue playing Eve.

I did some routing around but couldn’t find my ‘worlds smallest violin’ so I had to suffice with him believing that I am an ******* who sold his PLEX on the market. Needless to say these guys didn’t want to play anymore that night.

After the Orca incident, their Corp starts bleeding members like no tomorrow and to be honest I had kinda given up on the idea that we would see anymore of them. We see our target member log on, and immediately dispatch on his last known whereabouts and run locators on alts.

As we were on route to him I suddenly hear on Comms “Rattlesnake! Rattlesnake! Go Mad go Mad” It was at this point that I swear my Cynabal turned into a freighter, it was taking forever to warp and my impatience wasn’t helping. Catching him on the other side of the gate I gave him a friendly bump for good measure.

Rattlesnake Kill

Pod Kill

Not believing our luck I sat shocked on the gate for a moment, when his alt jumped through the gate I was on.

Noctis kill

Pod Kill

Their Corp now just has the CEO in it, I have yet to see him undocked however I am hopeful.

Sam


awsome work shame i cant seem to get any of ur links to work
Samoth Egnoled
Caldari Provisions
#827 - 2013-11-11 09:37:03 UTC
Hmm thats strange, i tried them myself and had no issue...

How about this http://halp.eve-kill.net/?a=home

Thanks for the plus 1 though
Lord LazyGhost
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#828 - 2013-11-11 09:44:00 UTC
Samoth Egnoled wrote:
Hmm thats strange, i tried them myself and had no issue...

How about this http://halp.eve-kill.net/?a=home

Thanks for the plus 1 though


yup thats working mabe it was the KM board derping when i tryed
Anomaly One
Doomheim
#829 - 2013-11-12 02:38:10 UTC
Samoth Egnoled wrote:
'snip


haha, great story, links don't work for me too, says "No kill id specified"

this one http://halp.eve-kill.net/?a=home works though.

Never forget. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8sfaN8zT8E http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5l_ZjVyRxx4 Trust me, I'm an Anomaly. DUST 514 FOR PC
Jythier Smith
BGG Wolves
#830 - 2013-11-14 19:54:58 UTC
You're all a bunch of jerks. I just wanted to be a carebear. Nope. Can't just be a carebear anymore.

But do I become a pirate, or do I hunt pirates?

Edit:

That is to say, your stories are amazing and I want in.
Rhianna Ghost
Ghost Industries Inc.
#831 - 2013-11-15 09:15:34 UTC
Lord LazyGhost wrote:
Samoth Egnoled wrote:
Hmm thats strange, i tried them myself and had no issue...

How about this http://halp.eve-kill.net/?a=home

Thanks for the plus 1 though


yup thats working mabe it was the KM board derping when i tryed


The EO-Forums f.. up the links. Either copy the text by hand into the address bar, or change the
&
that appears in about the middle of the link to just an & and they magically start to work again.
Sitting Bull Lakota
Imperial Academy
Amarr Empire
#832 - 2013-11-16 05:11:14 UTC  |  Edited by: Sitting Bull Lakota
I <3 this thread
gaijiin pok
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#833 - 2013-11-17 20:07:37 UTC
This tale is a few summers old but its the best I have

TLDR; hisec hijinks

one evening I log into eve to help our industrialist procure the minerals for the couple of Amarr recons he is making me *(yes...was gonna mine)Oops and I was not looking foreward to it at all, once on audio our resident sociopath yeliowman starts yelling "Gaij... bring me some EM drones!! - my response was check the market... NO I need you to bring them and abandon them where I can scoop them, I have a raven tackled and I cant break him with the berserkers - he names the system and I get an o-crap moment....dude that's 11 jumps just let him go - then quickly realize as the lightbulb flashed.... this will get me outta mining....

on my way I say - as I am jumping into my Ishtar.

11 jumps later as I drop out of warp to Yeliowman's location I see I have no shooting rights on the raven, and he is now 50km from the station and slowly making headway, but there is an interceptor buzzing around flashy red, he flies away when I target him - realizing that catching him by surprise will be the easiest way to take him then quickly checking the market I see passive targeters for sale in this station we are nearing - I send the drones to attack yeliowman then abandon them and he scoops them and does the same with his berserks to me, then dock up and fit the targeter.

back outside the station the interceptor pilot is complaining in local that he is always flashy red and nobody ever takes a shot at him, unbeknownst to him he is already locked Twisted when he said this I had the most evil of grins Pirate I wait till he is buzzing around me at about 3km range popping out the warriors and scram, web, guns .....BOOM he dies immediately in a bright flash of light everyone watching the fights started asking wtf happened man, you die? the victim kept asking wtf just happened!!? as he died so quick there wasn't any time to do anything.

the tackled raven finally made it to station as we failed in our bumping attempts - although it did take him quite a while.

The interceptor pilot is chatting with us and is quite amicable about his loss and decides to undock his own raven and take both ishtars on, he dies quite quickly then docks up again.

no rage, just friendly chatting he mentions he would like to 1v1 one of us in his Cerberus but its two jumps away, we tell him to jump into a shuttle and go get it so he does.

he 1v1's yeliowman and its not even close, the Ishtar shreds the cerb - I just sit there and watch the show, after that fight we are still chatting very friendly like and he is thanking us for the fun and mentions he would like to do it again but he is out of ships and has to go mine to replace them, so we each send him 100mil to help.

in local he thanks us profusely and local explodes with "you sent him isk after killing him?? holy crap you guys are the nicest pirates ever!!!....

I get three private convo's at about the same time so I have to do some juggling, all three want to know why we gave him isk, one also wanted to know why our corp bio says we are not pirates if we fly around doing what we do, I explain we are out for fights but not interested in ruining someone elses play time and if we have fun its worth a bit of isk to our opponent.

all three pm's were from different alliances and all three invited us to join them even the two that were NRDS
Savnire Jacitu
Undead Retirement Crypt
#834 - 2013-11-20 18:44:38 UTC
So there I was sitting in Amarr minding my own damn business, it had been a slow day thus far, and I was just screwing around fitting random **** together like I often do.

"Alright, I should head out into the space scape soon," I say to myself as I duct tape a 15 meter dildo onto a harby for later. I take my pick of ships to fly and undock. WT? In Amarr? What the **** IS THIS?!?!?

People are station camping me, you sly **** birds, I redock as a **** fit frig I was ******* with was about to be nuked by a pilgrim, 2 drakes, and a stabber or something like that. Give a call to my buds a system over to come on in and help me jam a foot in these guys asses. Moments later I undock in my neutaggedon and start on with the pilgrim, friends show up in a fleet stabber and a Myrm. Neut apply drone/dps and pilgrim goes down. However, ECM drones are ******* with me and I lose my scram on the drake and stabber, and once they see that the pilgrim is about to burn THEY ******* BAIL ON HIM, they just leave him to die. BTW this was their ceo.

Oh and take a sec and look at the pilgrim fit...now...I'm no expert but.....no....

So now a day or so later we are actively hunting another group, and they are playing hard to get, until they decide to start hunting us. I actually enjoy being on the other end sometimes. Kind of makes the game a little more intense.

Yay right? But the fools don't notice that I have my super sparkly party pants supreme on, and they just are not ready for that.

I see one of them in a proteus and another in a algos. Fair enough I think, we shall clash our proteus, motorcycle vs. stubby ****! (shape of mine vs his). this is plenty fair, as he has back up, as do I, and a good proteus player can throat **** a fleet. I'm a little cautious at first but something sets me right, the proteus cloaks off gate. Ok a covert prot, that is fine, but then I see him uncloak to warp away....what? I follow all cloaky cause you know...covert...Watch him do the same thing at another gate. He is just going from gate to gate doing this.

So I sit on the gate that he should come to next, waiting for him to come on in, the algos at this point was in the other system, probs waiting for me and my friend. Sure enough prot warps in and fires on me, I'M FUCKIN READY BRO wait what is this dps? It's like 4. uhhhhhh. Stabber warps in and the prot changes targets, but the stabber is out of his range....so I'm not sure what the **** he is doing here. Algos comes in and insta melts too at some point in all this. I could have cared less I just wanted this prot to go down so I was a little distracted. It goes into armour and.....slowly starts repping? What the ****? Why? WHY?!?!? In the end my proteus is betterererest cause he too melts


Again. Please look at that ****. AND JUST WONDER.

Oh and he must of been so shocked that his ultimate fitted proteus went down that we ate his pod too

And now I'm off again to be an overall ****** player and fail/notfail at some pvp/
Praxis Ginimic
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#835 - 2013-11-20 20:03:17 UTC
Is that the people fit in high sec? Damn I need to fix my sec rating
Tul Breetai
Impromptu Asset Requisition
#836 - 2013-11-23 09:59:40 UTC
YARR

Ironically, it was our overwhelming win that drove him to name calling.

There's nothing worse than an EVE player, generally considered to be top of the food chain in the MMO world, that cannot smacktalk with wit and coherency.
Katherine Raven
ALTA Industries
Intergalactic Conservation Movement
#837 - 2013-11-25 18:06:15 UTC
Savnire Jacitu wrote:
What the ****? Why? WHY?!?!?


Why indeed. That fit is so bad it hurts. Think he figured out he had the wrong cloak on? Or think he just didn't realize that he shouldn't have to decloak to warp? lol
Savnire Jacitu
Undead Retirement Crypt
#838 - 2013-12-02 01:33:34 UTC  |  Edited by: Savnire Jacitu
Welp, I have some pretty good stories and the week isn't even over, and I will definitely have some good ones by the weeks end.


So after a week of ISK making involving the three M's (mining missions and market) we were glad to get back out there and dec some corps for lulz infested pvp.

So it kicks off with the usual WHY YOU DECC?!?!?!?! And YOU BETTER WATCH IT I HAVE A WHOLE SACK OF BASELESS THREATS!!!!!

24 hours later **** kicks off pretty fast, in fact I wasn't even trying to get the guy, he just happened to be moving something in a bestower, well I stopped him Nothing much but afterwords he contacts me with a nice Hello, please don't do that again. I don't mind that really. Change of pace from the normal **** YOU YOU **** BIRD

But then this quickly off set when my mailbox lights up....yay?

Hi...
From: Raven Madder
To: Savnire Jacitu
INBOXRemove Label
Lookin' for me? Come get me... looks to me like you guys are a bunch of pussies... please, do come play...

We were looking for you? Uhhhhh.....No. no we weren't, but thanks for telling me that you exist, eve-tools missed you so cool I guess.

I send back a simple response
"Gladly"

Quickly I get back

Re: Re: Hi...
From: Raven Madder
To: Savnire Jacitu
INBOXRemove Label
I'm waitin', bub... got some new toys to try out on ya...

OH **** WHAT COULD THAT MEAN?!?!? My heart leaps into my throat have I pissed off the wrong people? Have I gone to far? What mastery fitting could he be about to bring against my legion? What tool of destruction will rock my world? WHAT COULD THIS TOY OF HIS BE?!?!??!!?!??!1

Uhhhhh......

That...doesn't seem....right. Oh and he took the time to say some **** in local about me having a friend there to watch what happened and how I was a huge **** bird and a terrible player (he was right but still). Well that cost him.

He then sent me some more GRRRRRRR mail about us being a something something something.....as my friend would say *phased out*

Then as we are leaving, something interesting happens. War target on gate? From one of the other un-related corps? Cool.

He saying something in local about want to check my DPS and that there was no way I would be able to kill him

Then after he dies he goes on to say "Thanks for the info and your DPS sucks."

Sometimes you can't win with these guys.

Probs going to have some more stories after operation **** Yo Couch happens later, or maybe I'll post my lose mails from that soon to
Jamwara DelCalicoe Ashley
New Eden Tech Support
#839 - 2013-12-09 18:25:03 UTC
Eon Raptor wrote:
I'm new to ninja salvaging but if I keep getting hits like this I'm sure I'll be at it for awhile.

I pinpointed a Raven running a mission. Sure, I'll take on a raven. As I warp to the spot I also pick up a rupture on D-scan. Hey, two for the price of one, why not. I landed in their room about 30k from the raven and 10k from the rupture. There were about 5 npc BS's pounding on the raven already. I approach nearest wreck and start looting. Almost immediately the rupture fires at me. I didn't really care about the rupture, I wanted that raven so I change my path to approach the raven. Sure enough, he fires about 30 sec later. Point, web and drones go on rupture. He melts in seconds. All attention goes to raven. I barely had time to even type a ransom, let alone time for him to pay. Down goes both ships. Tears immediately follow.

Raven > you're a cocks****r Eon, you know that?
Eon Raptor > you attacked me first
Eon Raptor > I was just collecting space trash
Raven > flippinh my wrecks and cans makes you a cocks****r
Eon Raptor > that was my salvaging mission. I was giving the BM by my agent
Raven > popping my BS makes you a **********
Raven > what? bullshit
Eon Raptor > I thought it was odd too.
Raven > yeah, odd my ass
Eon Raptor > its not my fault CCP added new mission types
Raven > mate stop talking ****
Eon Raptor > but I was surprised when I started getting shot at
Raven > I don't knw how you scanned down my mission,
Raven > but you did
Eon Raptor > I told you already, my agent gave me that book mark
Raven > thought that was not possible anymore
Raven > ok I'll play - what agent?
Eon Raptor > *random agent from station i'm at*
Eon Raptor > she said there were wrecks spread around a room that needed to be redistributed
Raven > you are hilarious
Eon Raptor > hey, I don't write the missions. I just run them
Raven > dude, you asked for a ransom, sorry for not believiing your crap
Eon Raptor > That's cause you fired on me, causing me to fail my mission
Raven > you're getting boring, just **** off
Pilot in local > NOW NOW CHILDREN PLAY NICLY :)
Eon Raptor > ahhhh, mommy. But she hit me first.
Pilot in local > lols
Rupture > just checked you're corp, Ninja hits one of your specialities...
Eon Raptor > WHAT!!!! They didn't tell me that. Those liers. They said they are a missioning corp.
Raven > lol, you really are a funny man
Eon Raptor > fyi, you're not gettign much benefit out of that second shield boost amp. Also, drop the armor rep for another BCU and upgrade to an x-large booster
Eon Raptor > if you're worried about permi running your tank, you'll need CC rigs
Rupture > ha, it was fine for running missions, wasn't expecting PvP
Eon Raptor > dont do an omni fit for missions, change your hardeners for rat specific.
Eon Raptor > "fine" which is why you had a friend
Eon Raptor > who...btw....should be rigging his rupture if he's using t2 everythign else
Eon Raptor > and how you gonna get into AC range with a web and scram if you dont have a wmd?
Raven > worked on you
Eon Raptor > really
Eon Raptor > thats why you both lost ships
Eon Raptor > and I lost.....oh....nothing
Eon Raptor > how'd that work again?
Raven > you tell me
Eon Raptor > [17:47:34] Eon Raptor > thats why you both lost ships
Eon Raptor > ^told you
Raven > like I say, wasn't expecting PvP
Eon Raptor > your rupture buddy must have. you dont fit a scram on a PvE fit
Eon Raptor > so maybe he should have told you he was expectivng PvP you should be too
Eon Raptor > ok, forget being pissed for a sec. take the tips I gave you seriously, they will actually help you make more
Eon Raptor > you'll make that 120 back in a few missions
Raven > not with you around
Eon Raptor > *sigh*
Eon Raptor > i'll make it easier
Eon Raptor > 1) don't shoot at ninjas
Eon Raptor > 2) if you do shoot at ninjas, prepare to lose ship
Raven > Don't worry I'll be ready next time
Another pilot in local > 3) Have pvp ship ready .. dock up and get into pvp ship .. return to mission and shoot ninja
Eon Raptor > 4) hope ninja didn't already plan for that
Another pilot in local > 5) have corp mates ready to give ninja a bad day
Eon Raptor > sure, that'd be fun
Raven > you're running out of single digits, does this go on much longer?
Raven > don't believe it you were still sitting in the mission area? waiting? what is your problem?
Eon Raptor > I still had my mission to complete
Raven > who for, don't give me the agent crap agan?
Eon Raptor > listen, if you can't trust a P I R A T E who can you trust
Raven > deep


Golden!! +1

Thank me later :D
Jamwara DelCalicoe Ashley
New Eden Tech Support
#840 - 2013-12-09 18:44:42 UTC
Naburi NasNaburi wrote:
This was a first timer for me and we still laugh about it.

We have 2 alts in our corp who mine Ice while we do "the more important" stuff.
I guess someone had an eye on those alts and figured they are mining semi AFK.

This someone with his 6 man corp war decs us and we were more than happy about it Twisted

Fast forward 2 days this 6 man corp is now a 2 man corp and then a 1 man corp just before downtime.
I checked battleclinic to see where he might be hunting and jumped to that system right after server-up.

There he was, at the gate.... but why was he just a pilot with bad standing? I thought we were at war ?

I checked his profile and there was the answer: he had disbanded his corp and was back in an NPC corp......

I convoed him to find out what happend *snickers*

To sum it down:
We thought you guys were miners / carebears.
And when my corp mates found out that you are not, they left the corp.
I was all alone in the end and I knew I cant win that war.
Btw.. can I join your corp and learn some pvp ?

Seems like we killed a corp without firing a single bullet. Pirate


Did you recruit him?

Thank me later :D