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Goonswarm Federation supporting True Slave Implant development! WAR!

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Author
Boadiccea Iceni
Minmatar Nuclear Deconstruction Service
#1 - 2011-11-11 10:23:18 UTC  |  Edited by: Boadiccea Iceni
Most of this audience will not remember me. But I was once the CEO of "The Burning Path", the small but dedicated corporation that was fighting for the Minmatar cause and got involved in the battle against THE NUN (Louella Dougans). Which ended in podding her back to virginity, if you should remember.

The gone war of immortal fame is now followed by one of no less epic battle.

Your Advertise Here has declared war to the Goonswarm Federation.

Well, we did not exactly declare war on them it's more like they invited us in. In fact our small corporation that is since years fighting for virginity declared war on the corporation of Zhek Kromtor and his research corporation of mindless zombies. Zhek Kromtor is known to experiment on True Slave technolgoy for capsuleers and with this is following in the footsteps of Sansha leader Kuvakei. Our righteous attempt to stop the mad scientific experiment by declaring war on his corporation was answered with a surprising step of evasion:

"That's So Raven" (SORAV), the lab-corporation, joined the Goonswarm Federation yesterday.

We now suspect Goonswarm to help develop implants that make mindless zombies out of capsuleers. Well, most of you people now may ask: what's the difference between a mindless zombie and a goonie? Well, not much to be honest. I hope we feel the difference when we shred them. Goons without implants are suspected to talk a lot of wierd stuff on local coms, we assume the chip implants don't have enough core for all the curses and four letter-stuff one would expect.

Fund raising to sustain our war efforts appreciated. We hope local miners and industrialists support our effort. 250 millions a week needed.

We have boosted our roaster of pilots by inviting Gallente miners that have been harassed by Goonswarm over the last weeks due to their attempt to hamper with the local ice mining. It'll be fun! Fun killing! Senseless bloodshed! Mindless wreckage! Yay! Lots o' Goonies!

War is active. May the fighting begin. Goonswarm is the new BoB.

Be a Space Hun, it's fun! \o/

Lyris Nairn
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#2 - 2011-11-11 10:37:04 UTC
Okay.

Sky Captain of Your Heart

Reddit: lyris_nairn Skype: lyris.nairn Twitter: @lyris_nairn

Rek Jaiga
Teraa Matar
#3 - 2011-11-11 16:31:38 UTC  |  Edited by: Rek Jaiga
A most interesting tale, comrade. You should repeat it on all comms channels!


However, I do wonder why you are adding pilots to a roaster. Sounds rather painful.
Boadiccea Iceni
Minmatar Nuclear Deconstruction Service
#4 - 2011-11-12 00:17:52 UTC  |  Edited by: Boadiccea Iceni
Rek Jaiga wrote:
However, I do wonder why you are adding pilots to a roaster. Sounds rather painful.

War is a painful thing. A soldier should be prepared in an appropriate way to that. Others do it in a roster, we Minmatar prefer a roaster. That's why our men are able to tank CONCORD and take down ships in nothing but a pod and a sixpack and our women suck golf-balls through a garden hose. Visit Yulai station shall you question my word. This was the result of a Minmatar warrior girl like me sucking on the ventilation shaft.

Be a Space Hun, it's fun! \o/

Boadiccea Iceni
Minmatar Nuclear Deconstruction Service
#5 - 2011-11-15 10:47:07 UTC  |  Edited by: Boadiccea Iceni
The war is going on.

Today Your Advertise Here can announce that Jaschercis was cleaned from Goonswarm infection. The sting was pulled from the bee by removing the Tower of Shame from occupying Moon 1-1. By this the combat phase by the Ice mining community against the Goon-Terror started.

But first things first. Our small fleet of our Goon Cleanup Squad, consisting of four superior Minmatar Rupture class cruisers and one Minmatar Hound class main damage dealer started to attack the staging Goon tower from which they were launching their attacks on the local Ice Mining community.

We decided to wage this step after our hunting of common systems in hisec space showed no success because no Goon was showing his presence - or kept docked. We know that our battle capabilities are limited, but in hisec it is enough to fiddle with a stick in the ass of the dragon, or in this case stick the stick in the hive of the bees.

When the assault of the Small Caldari Tower started, we first shot off their satellite dish to disrupt their communication ability, means watching Galnet pron. After that we concentrated our fire on their toilet paper cargo space and finally shot down the Quafe bunkers for the demoralizing effect.

The besieged Goons were trying to get us demoralized by playing their anthem against us, but to our luck the vacuum of space doesn't transport sonic waves. So we survived the devastating attempt to destroy us and make our heads explode.

Their POS maintenance guy, Sakharow Sakhin, made a small mistake and suddenly found himself tackled in a pod by our glorious flagship, the Hound class "Pride of Petravore" by second class sergeant Dian Cainte. Shortly after that, he found himself back in his beloved homeland deep in Delve, 58 jumps in Nullsec. Next time we charge for the service. He didn't come back, neither he got our well wishing "Good Fight" for his trip in time before his departure. We are so sorry, chap. Hope you still own Delve.

The reinforce cycle of the tower was put to eight hours which gave us all a cozy night, after that we finished that mark of shame in the skies of Jaschercis, home of the proud Ice miners of blue. The richly dropping modules and stuff from the cargo are financing the next week of war against Goonswarm Federation.

The personal that was escaping the doomed tower was captured and is now in medical care to suffer heavy withdraw from "royal jelly", a vitoc like drug that seems to be used by Goonswarm Federation to keep their crews in line, which leaves them catatonically repeating some phrases about their "motherland" and swinging to and fro doing that. Whatever side effect the drug may have, we assume it is also destroying the auditive and musical center of the brain - the investigation is going on. Because we Minmatar will not allow another Vitoc in New Eden.

Send them "58 jumps back to heaven", we considered to make a song of that.

From the hisec warfront against Goonswarm Federation yours Boadiccea Iceni
patrolling in her Minmatar Rupture class cruiser "Black Pearl"

Be a Space Hun, it's fun! \o/

Wirbin
Brutor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#6 - 2011-11-15 21:25:13 UTC
holy moly
Nick Bete
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#7 - 2011-11-15 23:36:10 UTC
Goons as mindless zombies? Who'd have thought it...? Shocked

Good luck in your war against mindless Goonies and bad anthems!
Jason Galente
Hole Punchers
I Could Do Better
#8 - 2011-11-16 00:01:18 UTC
Good luck! I'm sure that the villainous Goonswarm Federation felt a hefty blow losing a 49 million ISK small tower to a handful of T1 cruisers.

What do you plan on doing when they decide to swamp you with 50 rifters?

Only the liberty of the individual assures the prosperity of the whole. And this foundation must be defended.

At any cost

Boadiccea Iceni
Minmatar Nuclear Deconstruction Service
#9 - 2011-11-16 08:50:56 UTC  |  Edited by: Boadiccea Iceni
The war is going on.

yesterday, after the Tower of Shame was obliterated, I wasn't able for active duty. But a comrade of mine got a talk on local with some of the Royal Jelly junkies. Told me that the tower was nothing for them and it is no way that they fly with 200 ships to rescue a small tower in hisec. My comrade answered, "well this policy failed you a tower".

It's not possible for us to bring down the Jellies, of cause. We are just a very small unit. But when more of such units start to operate against them their days in hisec are counted. Just give them no target, keep your fleet small and cheap and worthless and they will start to lose dominance - not just in nulsec but also in hisec. With losing dominance they lose respect. Because the respect they get they force through violence. Not respect. Fear. That's why our small war is more dangerous to them than losing a station system or a gooey moon out there.

Without image they're losing numbers and numbers is all there is about Jellies.

As I suspected. Whatever the swarm does it's doing it in numbers. So if you have a few thousand pilots under your command but there is nothing you can do that not at least is done by fleets of 200+ then the things you can achieve on a day are limited. I know large fleets and the mindless way a soldier has to follow orders. The negligible amount of exposition that he's facing by hiding in numbers.

What is a moon? It has to be protected by thousand of pilots and it's doing not more income a month than a single trader does a day in Jita. It's goo. It's just land, dirt. It's stuff miners care about.

But about their moons is all they boast about. Miners.

How does a bee hive die?

First of all the queen could be killed.
Second often the hive is rotting away through mold or a disease and the bees get infected and die.
Third they get invaded and destroyed by small hit and run units, wasps for example.
Fourth they die of hunger because the swarm doesn't find enough to "eat".

What's the difference between the Jellies and a real swarm?

A real swarm does indeed not everything by swarm. Everybody is working for the swarm but not only with it. Like the Jellies do.

And another thing a Jelly is boasting about is how much they have achieved. My comrade asked what exact did he achieve? And got no other answer but an other unarmed miner biting the dust. It's this corporate identity crap that stinks all around the world. Where people are boasting with things others have done. Like they are boasting with their income while nobody of them is seeing it. It remains corporate money. They stay poor, exploited. Illusion and propaganda.

That's stupid. There is no "we are rich" or "we have done this".

The way the Jellies think and live is not the way a Minmatar warrior lives and thinks. For us only counts what we personally have done and achieved. By deed, not by number. Some things can only be done in numbers. But if it is no great deed it's not worth the numbers. Most things we warriors do are done by ourselves. Like killing a Jelly tower in an absolute minimum amount of ships. With pilots that hardly can fly them. It's the underdog approach. It's fun!

Moons do not make money, my comrade explained to them. The carebears do that feed the fuel and transport off the goo, trade it in the next hub. A moon does not make money. People do. And to shout: "see how our income is, you never can destroy us!" He forgets about the people.

Swarms always do. The man doesn't count. The man isn't one. It's just an other number.

Fighting them is like fighting NPC, mean non-capsuleers, Non Pod Captains. They are not even as smart as that. They suffer swarm dementia. In a swarm the IQ divides through the numbers. Laziness, and Royal Jelly addiction of cause.

You'll break them with small unit tactics.

Be a Space Hun, it's fun! \o/

Aracturus
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Caldari State
#10 - 2011-11-16 14:23:08 UTC
So I'm confused.
If you could be so kind as to stop ranting long enough to answer a few questions...

What exactly did destroying a small control tower with neither strategic importance, monetary value, or defenses actually accomplish?
I'm not seeing any moon mining arrays on the battle report you gave, which means that the starbase you destroyed was more than likely someone's personal starbase, rather than an alliance asset. (Yes, individual capsuleers in the GSF can own starbases)
If you're trying to hurt morale, I don't think you are going about it the right way.

But let's talk about the real reason you are doing this:
You're upset because one of your friends lost a mackinaw because he was dumb enough to try and mine ice in an embargoed region.

Also, in case you are wondering, a transcript is going to be posted on GoonFleet DOT com under our comedy thread.
Because really, this stuff is comedy gold.

This is now a WIDOT thread!

Aracturus
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Caldari State
#11 - 2011-11-16 14:26:38 UTC  |  Edited by: Aracturus
oh, and one last question: How long did it take you to actually blow the thing up?
Because it looks like it took hours. And with a several hour fight, that's hardly 'hit and run' it's more 'hit, and sit the hell down, get some coffee, put your feet up, watch a movie or two, then come back three hours later and see if the shields have moved.'

This is now a WIDOT thread!

Andreus Ixiris
Duty.
SE7EN-SINS
#12 - 2011-11-16 15:36:09 UTC
To preface, it's not like I like the Goons. In fact, I consider them to be one of the most objectionable, repugnant groups in existence.

But did you seriously think blowing up one small, undefended tower in hi-sec would do anything other than amuse them? I mean, seriously, what did you think it would do? What did you hope to achieve? Enemies have cleared entire regions of Goonswarm towers and cost them dozens of billions of ISK in damage, and even that only has a fifty-fifty chance of attracting their attention.

This is not hyperbole: I honestly, truly think you would have done more damage to Goonswarm by not blowing up that tower. Really, that is what I actually believe.

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.

Aracturus
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Caldari State
#13 - 2011-11-16 22:54:00 UTC
Andreus Ixiris wrote:
To preface, it's not like I like the Goons. In fact, I consider them to be one of the most objectionable, repugnant groups in existence.

But did you seriously think blowing up one small, undefended tower in hi-sec would do anything other than amuse them? I mean, seriously, what did you think it would do? What did you hope to achieve? Enemies have cleared entire regions of Goonswarm towers and cost them dozens of billions of ISK in damage, and even that only has a fifty-fifty chance of attracting their attention.

This is not hyperbole: I honestly, truly think you would have done more damage to Goonswarm by not blowing up that tower. Really, that is what I actually believe.



This is accurate. In fact, all you've done is given us a good laugh at your expense.

This is now a WIDOT thread!

Lyris Nairn
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#14 - 2011-11-16 23:19:31 UTC
I laughed, I cried, I shot myself and died.

Sky Captain of Your Heart

Reddit: lyris_nairn Skype: lyris.nairn Twitter: @lyris_nairn

Andreus Ixiris
Duty.
SE7EN-SINS
#15 - 2011-11-17 08:22:54 UTC
When you destroy one of Goonswarm's Titans in a battle where they weren't expecting to lose it, maybe then I'll be impressed.

Go on, hurry up, hop to it! I'm a busy man.

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.

Boadiccea Iceni
Minmatar Nuclear Deconstruction Service
#16 - 2011-11-17 10:32:11 UTC  |  Edited by: Boadiccea Iceni
Andreus Ixiris wrote:
This is not hyperbole: I honestly, truly think you would have done more damage to Goonswarm by not blowing up that tower. Really, that is what I actually believe.

This is an interesting aspect. If we would not have blown up that tower, the fuel costs might actually have been higher than the shot down tower. On the other hand we got modules and drops and stuff, which was real money feeding our wallet. It was worth the expenses.

In fact the tower was poorly set up. Set up like a Rifter with only one artillery fitted, no engine mod but a cargo expander. If it would not have been setup by a total jellyfish we'd never been able to even break the towers shield recharge with the low-skilled T1 crap we were flying.

It had to be done.

Because it was so mindbogglingly stupid that someone had to strafe it. I never thought that someone could be so jelly but someone had been. Not that I'm keen on sitting for some hours in front of a tower to blast that thing to bits. That's not a thrill at all. But you know that story of a fox and a scorpion that try to get over a river. The scorpion asks the fox if he could take him on his back and they both get on the other side. The fox answered: "No. If I do that you would sting me in the back I die." "But", said the scorpion, "I will be on your back, if you drown I'll drown too. That makes no sense." The fox was thinking that over, finally he said: "Okay. Jump on."

In the middle of the river the scorpion stung the fox in his back. "Why did you do that? That was stupid!", the fox cried. "We both die now." "I'm a scorpion", the scorpion answered, "what did you expect?"

This tower was like a cardboard sign on the back of Goonswarm Federation with: "Kick me!" on it. We were unable to resist. They seem to be mostly dummies. That's why we call them jellies. Just the kind of wonkers you make fun of at school. Only thing they have is numbers. It's the Federation of wonk.

Really. We had to kick them.

And before anybody reminds me that there are some Goonies that in fact seem to have something like a brain - yes I know that. But the majority seems only to have a sticker in their head with a maintenance waiting number on it. Or they forgot to get it back from their washing center. I can honestly say I don't have much respect for them. And it's unimportant what they achieve anywhere when they put up towers like that. And don't kick people out that give us laughs like that - on literally their expense.

And honestly, I think we had been laughing more than they did. Yeah I know you can buy these laughing sacks on the next carnival, that start to imitate laughing when you press them. I imagine that's the kind of laugh the jellies have on this. It's dry and brainless and they even don't understand why they are laughing.

If you had seen that tower, you'd understand why we were laughing, indeed. And why we are still laughing.

Be a Space Hun, it's fun! \o/

Sentinel Eeex
Thunderwaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#17 - 2011-11-17 19:10:07 UTC
Are you okay m8?
Lord Wilding
Starfleet Dental
#18 - 2011-11-17 19:27:39 UTC
If you spent half as much time actually defending the miners as you do begging them in local for "donations to fight Goons", you would probably achieve a little notoriety (Not really). It's a telling sign that we killed two mackinaws while a corpmate of yours proclaimed victory against all of Goondom in local. The miners would just be better off paying the mining protection fee to Goons than joining or donating anything to you. Heck, in the time it took you to write and reply to your thread, several exhumers were probablydefinitely blown up.
CCP Spitfire
C C P
C C P Alliance
#19 - 2011-11-18 06:45:37 UTC
Removed posts in binary as it is not a supported language in this forum section.

CCP Spitfire | Marketing & Sales Team @ccp_spitfire

Grozdan Boyadijev
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#20 - 2011-11-18 14:07:34 UTC
I, for one, believe that Boadiccea Iceni is the one who has been experimenting with True Slave technology, perhaps even on herself, and is simply using the innocent capsuleers of That's So Raven as a scapegoat while continuing to work on perfecting these insidious implants to control capsuleers for Your Advertise Here's gain.

As evidence, I submit the increasingly erratic behavior displayed by Boadiccea, declaring war against one of the largest sovereign entities outside of Empire space and suggesting that destroying a starbase (which may or not have been manned) was necessary because "It had to be done." This sort of reasoning is what you would expect from someone who has the enslavement of every free capsuleer as their goal. Boadiccea's foul ends justify any means of destruction or harassment in pursuit of this True Slave technology.

Fortunately, I am sure my fellow brave capsuleers and alliance-mates will be more than enthused to repulse these attacks on our space.
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