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Capsuleer's chest to become Federation Charter signatory ?
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Muck Raker
Gutter Press
#1 - 2013-07-28 11:45:14 UTC
A source within the Federation Senate, has revealed to Gutter Press, that a particularly well-endowed capsuleer, the famed Laurienne Cherbourg, may be in a position to have her chest recognised as it's own member state (or states, plural) of the Gallente Federation!

What?

Legal and economic experts have outlined several compelling arguments about the pros and cons of such a move! One Federation Navy official said that as a member state, it would be the government, rather than Ms. Cherbourg that the Navy would have to deal with, in order to install e.g. surveillance devices, and the Navy can cite Federal Security as an overruling concern against local government objections!

Complicated!

Agricultural officials have also expressed opinions relating to the manipulation of import/export subsidies. "If she moves a can of Quafe from the left to the right, then that qualifies for export subsidies for the left, and import subsidies for the right! It makes the position of some of the key Federation agricultural economies look untenable!"

Bureaucracy!

Ms. Cherbourg had this to say: "I know like a Senator and stuff, and my Daddy is super rich and important and things so I'm basically guaranteed to get the pledge approved!"

Influential!

Gutter Press asked some of the residents of Caille what they thought of these developments.
"Well, they're certainly big enough", said one Mannar woman.
"The Senate are doing what? that's it, next time, I'm voting for the other guy!", said one Intaki man.
"Heheheheheheh", said two teenage Gallente boys.
"Laurienne is a heroine to all Gallente people!", said one enthusiastic bodymodification fan.

The Senate declined to comment on this officially.

Gutter Press, the stories you didn't know you wanted to hear.

Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours!
Katrina Oniseki
Oniseki-Raata Internal Watch
Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
#2 - 2013-07-28 12:17:57 UTC
Laruienne Cherbourg is one of the most friendly and gentle capsuleers around, and is certainly not deserving of our scorn.

Katrina Oniseki
Denak Calamari
Incorruptibles
#3 - 2013-07-28 12:41:05 UTC  |  Edited by: Denak Calamari
Err, I uhh.. I mean uhm, so... Erm, I-I...

What the fruck?
Repentence Tyrathlion
Tyrathlion Interstellar
#4 - 2013-07-28 13:06:45 UTC
Denak Calamari wrote:
Err, I uhh.. I mean uhm, so... Erm, I-I...

What the fruck?


I have nothing to add.
Arista Shahni
Ministry of War
Amarr Empire
#5 - 2013-07-28 14:00:13 UTC  |  Edited by: Arista Shahni
I am afraid to say this quote by the body modification fan borders on slanderous regarding the topic.

Everyone who is anyone knows the only 'body modification' Laurienne has had was a minor nose-job surgery. She admitted as much herself. This article certainly does not refer to her nose.

"I say that even as the holy and the righteous cannot rise beyond the highest which is in each one of you - so the wicked and the weak cannot fall lower than the lowest which is in you also.  And as a single leaf turns not yellow but with the silent knowledge of the whole tree, so the wrong-doer cannot do wrong without the hidden will of you all."
Katrina Oniseki
Oniseki-Raata Internal Watch
Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
#6 - 2013-07-28 14:24:03 UTC  |  Edited by: Katrina Oniseki
Arista Shahni wrote:
I am afraid to say this quote by the body modification fan borders on slanderous regarding the topic.

Everyone who is anyone knows the only 'body modification' Laurienne has had was a minor nose-job surgery. She admitted as much herself. This article certainly does not refer to her nose.


I don't think the speaker of a relatively mindless quote is the intended meaning of the quote. She certainly isn't a teenage boy, or an Intaki man, or a Mannar woman either.

Katrina Oniseki
Arkady Vachon
The Gold Angels
Sixth Empire
#7 - 2013-07-28 18:56:30 UTC
This is a plan that's bound to go **** up.

Nothing Personal - Just Business...

Chaos Creates Content
Katrina Oniseki
Oniseki-Raata Internal Watch
Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
#8 - 2013-07-28 18:58:06 UTC
Arkady Vachon wrote:
This is a plan that's bound to go **** up.


I suppose it's always good for Muck Raker to keep abreast of recent developments.

Katrina Oniseki
Anslo
Scope Works
#9 - 2013-07-28 19:22:12 UTC
Dude wat

[center]-_For the Proveldtariat_/-[/center]
James Syagrius
Luminaire Sovereign Solutions
#10 - 2013-07-28 21:17:23 UTC
Kazuma Ry
Ministry of War
Amarr Empire
#11 - 2013-07-28 22:12:14 UTC
If the Federation Senate is actually thinking of making Ms. Cherbourg's assets into a member state, then the Federation is far more corrupt morally then I thought possible.
Tarryn Nightstorm
Hellstar Towing and Recovery
#12 - 2013-07-28 23:46:54 UTC
Katrina Oniseki wrote:
Arkady Vachon wrote:
This is a plan that's bound to go **** up.


I suppose it's always good for Muck Raker to keep abreast of recent developments.


Damn: Beat me to it.

Star Wars: the Old Republic may not be EVE. But I'll take the sound of dual blaster-pistols over "NURVV CLAOKING NAOW!!!11oneone!!" any day of the week.
Makoto Priano
Kirkinen-Arataka Transhuman Zenith Consulting Ltd.
Arataka Research Consortium
#13 - 2013-07-29 00:00:45 UTC
All I can really add is: sigh. Yes, I actually said it.

Itsukame-Zainou Hyperspatial Inquiries: exploring the edge of the known, advancing the state of the art. Would you like to know more?
Diana Kim
State Protectorate
Caldari State
#14 - 2013-07-29 12:06:05 UTC
And this is why the Federation must be destroyed.

Honored are the dead, for their legacy guides us.

In memory of Tibus Heth, Caldari State Executor YC110-115, Hero and Patriot.
Andrea Okazon
Laurentson INC
#15 - 2013-07-29 16:12:40 UTC
If she succeeds in becoming Quafe's spokeswoman, she'll be making a more honest living than most of us here.
Anabella Rella
Gradient
Electus Matari
#16 - 2013-07-29 16:20:45 UTC
The Senator who introduced this legislation is a boob.

When the world is running down, you make the best of what's still around.
Evelyn Valate
Church of The Crimson Saviour
#17 - 2013-07-29 17:38:47 UTC
Kazuma Ry wrote:
If the Federation Senate is actually thinking of making Ms. Cherbourg's assets into a member state, then the Federation is far more corrupt morally then I thought possible.


There's like, no bottom to Gallente depravity.






Like, totally, I once saw this guy whose trousers had no buttocks to them. Omg!
Morwen Lagann
Tyrathlion Interstellar
#18 - 2013-07-29 17:42:33 UTC
Evelyn Valate wrote:
There's like, no bottom to Gallente depravity.


There's no top either, when it comes to politics.

Morwen Lagann

CEO, Tyrathlion Interstellar

Coordinator, Arataka Research Consortium

Owner, The Golden Masque
Anslo
Scope Works
#19 - 2013-07-29 17:47:47 UTC
Morwen Lagann wrote:
Evelyn Valate wrote:
There's like, no bottom to Gallente depravity.


There's no top either, when it comes to politics.

Oh for crying out loud. Rella's pun was bad enough but this, really??

[center]-_For the Proveldtariat_/-[/center]
Morwen Lagann
Tyrathlion Interstellar
#20 - 2013-07-29 17:50:42 UTC
Anslo wrote:
Morwen Lagann wrote:
Evelyn Valate wrote:
There's like, no bottom to Gallente depravity.


There's no top either, when it comes to politics.

Oh for crying out loud. Rella's pun was bad enough but this, really??

You expected better from a bunch of IGS pundits?

Morwen Lagann

CEO, Tyrathlion Interstellar

Coordinator, Arataka Research Consortium

Owner, The Golden Masque
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