Crime & Punishment

So as an attept to breathe new life into Eve before my account expires, i wanted to try nullsec life.
I applied for a nullsec corp. and was surprisingly accepted for after a rather lengthy interview over TS, where i had to lie through my teeth on-the-fly on how my prior corp and alliance history and had to duck and play dumb on all sorts of questions re: TEARS and something to do with guys TK flew with or something. Wife giggling in the background calling me a bullshi*$%rdid not help.

anyway all of a sudden, i see the corp accepted mail.



For the first 15 seconds i must admit i truly did not intend to do harm to this corp. The interviewer seemed like a kind sounding man, who was naive enough to let ME in, i could not be so low as to do anything bad could i??

For what seemed like an eternity, i waited for that 15 seconds to pass.. and it eventually did.. and my 3 or 4 neurons i have left from all of the oil i have been smoking fired into absolute OVERDRIVE.

I wanted to go to null, to do some PVP, mebbe rat some fation loot drops etc. but NO this was impossible… these #$%# rained on my parade… this was not happening… THEY LIVED IN DRONE SPACE! No rat bounties, no rat drops, no further interest in this corp at all from Buzzy.

I log in ready to do an infamous QQ filled Buzzy ragequit, and see one person in the force field that they were building their work-in-progress POS in. I was inside the bubble, he was inside the bubble…in a Legion .. but i could not target him!. i wanted to pod the AFK-CEO bad. I asked in dojo and someone suggested bumping him out of the bubble.

I was in my trusty Interdiction/Cloaky Loki.

5 or 6 bumps later he was outside and all of a sudden, out of nowhere this happened.
[KILLMAIL FROM CEO's LEGION] I was jovial to say the least.
I followed up with one of these for good measure. [KILLMAIL FROM CEO POD]

So im like “now what Buzzy?” theres a bunch of buildings floating around in this bubble force field thing, lets go explore.

One was an obvious item-drop hangar, i clicked ****, “no access to view contents”…darn these dudes are SMART. got me locked out of stuff…

Another one of the floaty bubble buildings was one that said something about ships. I guess me, or other people could park ships in or something… i flew over and right clicked the **** out of it.
options showed something like “park your ship” and “take a ship” or something along those lines, i looked in and saw a crapload of ships. loki, haulers, dramiel, ashimmu etc. . i noticed there was an “eject ship button' i highlighted the loki, and ejected it right before my very eyes!

i boarded said Loki, and was in awe of the faction shinies.
I reboarded my loki, , and took off my DG Web put it in cargo,jettisoned the CEO biomass+ faction web, and reboarded the nicer Loki that had that ‘new car smell’

i then proceeded to dump the other ships in this ship bay into the bubble hopping into and out of them looking for faction **** to eject into my newly jacked loki.

OH SNAP

a few guys from corp/alliance come in and i cloak up, in my new loki. The gig is up….


I log onto TS. and wait…..

an hour or so later, the CEO logs on TS FREAKING OUT. ”guys? how did i end up in my medical station? were we attacked?“ lots of tears on TS as he found out someone bumped him out into space and left a can next to his wreck with the name ”love BB“.
”WHO THE **** IS BB????? BUZZYBEAGLE IS THAT YOU??!?!?!!“
i respond with one word….in a hushed whisper……”umadbro?"
RAGE ensues and i go eat supper.

I come back and this PM was opened with the CEO


[chatlog of tears removed]

I am glad i was afk and he closed convo, as my conscience would have kicked in [probably not] and i may have tried to make amends.

I followed up with this email to the entire corp:


Invoice 12114
From: BuzzyBeagle
Sent: 2012.04.14 00:12
To: CORP NAME HERE
The following invoice is for services rendered
- teaching someone starting a corp not to trust new people 100 million ISK
- teaching someone not to AFK in a bubble when new people are in corp 250 million ISK
- teaching someone that you do not give full hangar access to a 1 day old ninja in corp… 500 million ISK.
- Dumbass tax - 150 million ISK

amount total - 1 Billion ISK

amount is payable in full or you will be subject to further actions which may include any of the following: violence, op interruptions, further infiltrations.

love and kisses - Buzzy






annnyway i get the obigatory “$%^& you” in corp as they have not kicked me from corp yet. and all of a sudden, i get PAID. not in ISK, but in tears, juicy buttery fat old man tears, they tasted a little like cinnamon buns.

enjoy:

Re: Invoice 12114
From: CEO
Sent: 2012.04.14 03:05
To: BuzzyBeagle,

Your beef is obviously with me, although I do not know why. That being said I have resigned as CEO of [CORPNAME] and am quitting the game.

Please leave my friends alone for they have nothing to do with this. You got what you got and forced me to leave to protect them. I willnot return to this game as a result. Youve won. They are good guys and do not deserve to suffer for my failure.

I hope me leaving the game satisfies my debt to you as i do not have any isk to give nor do they.

Peace

CEO


anyway i thought you guys would enjoy my last hurrah. my game time expires 9PM Saturday and i think i need a break from gaming in general. Thank you all in C&P for putting up with my frequent trolling. yes you can haz my stuff, and tl'dr

fly safe and much love


Buzzy

BB, I have immensely enjoyed your antics/trolling/etc while you where here. I wish you the best and bid you a long slow-clap on your last hurrah. I'm about to be able to fly a Loki myself (and doing VERY bad things to good people in it), so if you would like I will lovingly accept such a gift and put it to good use in your absence. Good luck!

Seems like my Loki Secrets *laughs* were put into good use.
Well done sweetheart *purrs*

This sounds like a new form of plexing. Scan out potential bubbly sites, Drop an app, Make up a bunch of ****, Profit. I dunno about you buzzy, But that last plex would make me resub another month in the hopes of finding the rarest of "sites".

What an idiot , he shouldve stuck to highsec pve

As much as that bloke was a mug for being taken in by you, clearly it feels like an empty win or you wouldnt be quitting though.

so win all round.



err, do i get the loki btw?

Buzzy, I agree with everyone here that says don't leave.

If you do though, I'm open to donations if you'd like. A Loki would be perfect, but really anything.

Otherwise, I'd suggest to just leave a plex in your account, let it go dormant for now and you can come back at any time.

A rousing story that filled my heart with glee, and my lungs with glue. I should quit smoking.

*snores*


who...wha?

What happened again?

Fell asleep reading OP's post.

And people wonder why noobs can't find corps to join.

And the moral of the story is...

If ever you go afk at a pos, orbit the tower or something static.

Great story, some good loot, shame you're going